You’ve Met The Accounting Parrot

, , , | | Working | May 31, 2019

(I need to call a call center for a popular online store. I used to work for this place, so I know a little about their policies. This story is long, but I tried to write everything so you can feel my frustration.)

Representative #1: “Hi. My name is [Representative #1]. Can I help you?”

Me: “Hello. I am trying to log in, but as a security question it is asking for my billing address, and I don’t remember which I used because my whole family — all around the USA and Costa Rica — uses my account. I want to be able to access it with something else, like another address or card info.”

Representative #1: “Oh, sorry, you can’t. Without a billing address, you cannot access your account.”

Me: “No, no… I know you can. If you can’t, send me over to the team that helps people retrieve accounts. Please.”

Representative #1: “I can’t. I’m sorry. Without a billing address, you cannot access your account.”

(This goes around for over thirty minutes. I tell her she can, and she says she can’t and repeats the same speech. I ask her if she can ask her supervisor. She says she asked. I am skeptical, as she has not stopped talking to me even for a minute. I ask her to please ask someone else and she says she did. Again, at no point has she stopped talking to me.)

Me: *a little angry because I feel she is not trying to help* “Well, how about this? I’m going to list all of my families addresses and you tell me which is it. First, is it in Costa Rica?”

Representative #1: “No, without a billing address you cannot access your account.”

(The repetitiveness is starting to drive me crazy.)

Me: “Please stop repeating yourself; I heard you. I am trying. Okay, not in Costa Rica. Is it [Address #1]?”

Representative #1: “No, without a billing address you cannot access your account.”

(I read one by one for a while because there are a lot.)

Representative #1: “Which one is your billing address? I can only access your account with a billing address.”

Me: “Have you tried any?”

Representative #1: “I don’t know which one is your billing address. Without a billing address, you cannot access your account.”

Me: “Okay, that’s it. Get me a manager.”

Representative #1: “Without a billing address, you cannot access your account or get transferred to a manager.”

(Another thirty minutes pass, with me getting more and more frustrated and asking her to pass me to a manager and her refusing. I try to keep calm but am losing my patience; I don’t want to hang up, as I want to report her. She even tells me I should open a new account and leave that one; I explain that I don’t want all of our information in an unsupervised account. I’d rather get in and erase it. But she keeps insisting. Finally, after an hour of trying to contain my anger and failing, I try to say please after each request for a manager.)

Representative #1: “I’m going to transfer you now.”

Me: *almost in tears* “Thank you.”

Representative #2: “Hello! My name is [Representative #2], how can I help you?”

(In tears, I repeat my issue.)

Representative #2: “Oh, I see… mmm… how about you start telling me addresses and we check which works?”

Me: “Is the address in Costa Rica?”

Representative #2: “I don’t know. Let’s try it.”

Me: “Is it [address in Costa Rica]?”

Representative #2: “Yes, that is it. You are in.”

(I explode in tears out of tired frustration and the chance for some time to relax.)

Me: “Okay, I used this on my computer to log in and now it is asking me for the valid-thru date of a card I don’t have. It’s probably one of my uncles’ or aunts’; can you get it to ask me for a card in my name?”

Representative #2: “Hmm… No… but how about I transfer you to the team that helps people retrieve their accounts?”

(He did and they helped me. I couldn’t complain about the first representative, but I did leave a nice review about the other one and the one that helped me retrieve my account.)

Make You So Sick You Look Green

, , , , , , | | Working | May 30, 2019

I was shopping for deli meat when I found a bag of sliced ham with a bad seal that was so green it looked like it was soaked in green food coloring. I handed it to the person stocking some hotdogs and continued on my way.

I turned around and he was placing it back in its spot on the shelf like it was perfectly good.

Not A Fan Of Remakes

, , , | | Working | May 30, 2019

(I’m at a busy coffee restaurant. My name is called, but when I get there one second later, I don’t see it.)

Me: “Excuse me? I heard my name called and there’s nothing here with it.”

Worker: “Oh, yeah, I put it out, but someone must’ve taken it.”

Me: “Okay?”

Worker: “I guess I’ll remake it…”

(I wait, but he does everyone else’s that was behind me in line first! I try to catch his attention again, but he ignores me. I try to catch the attention of the manager, but he avoids my eye. By this time, I’m late for my job.)

Worker: “Okay, here you go.”

Me: *sarcastic* “Thanks.”

Worker: *dismissive* “Mhm.”

(Luckily, my boss was in a good mood. I wouldn’t go back even if they paid me a million dollars to do so, and I mean that.)

Doesn’t Have A Son-ny Disposition

, , , , | | Right | May 30, 2019

(I work at a law office that does one type of law. There’s only one lawyer, though his son once did another type of law out of the same office. Due to the number of clients each side got, the son chose to move his practice to another office so there’d be less mix-up and confusion for the clients. We still get calls for the son and we usually give his phone number to them. Recently, however, we have gotten a lot of angry phone calls about his number being wrong in the phone book.)

Me: “Good morning, [Father’s Law Office].

Caller: “I need to talk to [Son].”

Me: “I’m afraid you have the wrong number, ma’am. This is [Father’s Law Office]. [Son] moved his office over a year ago.”

Caller: “This is the number in the phone book. Are you sure [Son] isn’t there?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can promise you that [Son] is definitely not here.”

Caller: “Can you give me his phone number?”

Me: “Sure, let me Google it.” *finds our Internet is down* “Oops, no, I apologize. I’m currently not able to bring his phone number up.”

Caller: “You don’t have it?”

Me: “No, unfortunately not. We used to have it written down on cards, but they disappeared. We fear our cleaning staff may have thrown them away. It’s always been easier just to look it up on the Internet than to write it down again.”

Caller: “Well, I’ll see if I can find it.”

(Five minutes later…)

Me: “Good morning, [Father’s Law Office].”

Caller: “I looked in the phone book and this is the only number I can find for [Son].”

Me: *thinking* “Why would you call back the phone number you know isn’t the correct one?”

Me: “It’s strange they would put the incorrect phone number for him in the phone book, but I can promise you it’s not the correct one.”

Caller: “And you can’t give me his number?”

Me: “I’m not able to use the Internet until I get a connection. All I know is the area code is [number] and the first part of the phone number is [number]. I can’t help more than that.”

Caller: “It’s a start, at least.”

(Three minutes later…)

Caller: “Are you able to Google it now?”

Me: “Ma’am! I do have other calls coming in. You can look the phone number up yourself, you know.”

Caller: *sniff* “It’s not my place to do your job. You should have that number handy.”

Finding The Bags For The Old Bag

, , , , , | | Right | May 30, 2019

(My wife works in a hotel and she relayed this story to me.)

Wife: “Bell department, [Wife] speaking. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “We lost our luggage ticket but need you to bring our bags up.”

Wife: “That’s not a problem, ma’am. Please describe the bags, and tell me how many you have?”

Customer: “Yeah, it was two big black bags. Get them and bring them up right away!”

Wife: “All right, ma’am, I will start looking for those right away, and as soon as we find them a bellman will bring them up.”

Customer: “Hurry up.” *click*

(She looks through the dozens of racks for a grouping of two black bags, then checks the name. This is a big hotel and there are hundreds, if not thousands of bags. After looking through the entire downstairs area for about ten minutes, she calls to get help to look in the upstairs area; she has no luck there, either.)

Wife: *calling the guest back* “I apologize, ma’am, but we were not able to locate two black bags under your name. Could you possibly tell me anything else about them?”

Customer: “For crying out loud, do I have to come down there myself? It’s two black bags; how hard could it be?”

Wife: “Ma’am, this hotel has thousands of rooms; I literally have hundreds of black bags down here from our guests. I just need a bit more to go on. Any luck finding the ticket?”

Customer: “No. Fine, it was two black bags, a grey bag, and a blue suitcase. Sheesh. Why is this so hard?”

Wife: *gritting her teeth and wanting to strangle guest through the phone* “Oh, so it was four bags: two black, one grey bag, and a blue suitcase. As soon as we locate them, the bellman will be up to your room. Give us about ten minutes.”

Customer: “I don’t have all day.” *click*

Wife: *head-desk*

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