Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I direct your call?”

Caller: “Are you in the store?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Good. Me, too.”

Me: “Sir, what can I help you with?”

Caller: “I need to know where [item] is. I didn’t want to walk around the store to look.”

Me: “It is in aisle five, sir.”

Caller: “You aren’t going to come and show me? You guys are lazy!” *click*

This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

Read the next Lazy Customers roundup story!

Read the Lazy Customers roundup!

Caller: *on the phone* “My house is going to be foreclosed on next week! Please help! I cannot lose this house; please help me save it!”

Me: “Okay. We’ll email a bankruptcy questionnaire to you right away. Please fill out as much as you can and get it back to us ASAP.”

(I email her the packet, which asks basic questions like how much you owe your creditors, what are your assets, how much do you make, etc. The caller phones back fifteen minutes later.)

Caller: “That’s just too much information! Never mind, I’ll just give up the house.”

This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

Read the next Lazy Customers roundup story!

Read the Lazy Customers roundup!

Customer: “I can’t believe I had to open the door on my way in! It opens for me on the way out. Customers shouldn’t have to open doors.”

Me: “But, sir, if the ‘In’ door was automatic, it would smack you in the face.”

Customer: “I don’t care! I shouldn’t be expected to open my own doors.”

Me: “Well, you could always use the assisted-entrance button. That will open the door for you.”

Customer: *stomps his foot* “No! No! No! No!”

(The customer left looking at me expectantly and pointing at the automatic door on his way out.)

This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

Read the next Lazy Customers roundup story!

Read the Lazy Customers roundup!

(I have just arrived and am beginning my shift, when a teenage girl approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Hi… do you guys sell bread?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Anything you’re looking for in particular?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Which is?”

Customer: “White bread.”

Me: “We have several kinds of white bread. What kind would you like?”

Customer: “Oh… whatever.”

Me: *grabs the most expensive white bread* “Sliced?”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “Thick or thin?”

Customer: “Oh… thick.”

Me: *slices bread and rings everything up* “That’ll be $5.50.”

Customer: “Is it too late to get that thin-sliced?”

Me: “…I could get another loaf for you.”

Customer: “Oh… nah, I wouldn’t want to be a bother.”

Me: *hands her her change and her bread* “Have a nice day.”

(She leaves, and a clearly intoxicated man walks over to my coworker.)

Man: “I LIKE YOUR BUNS!”

(He swears loudly and walks away.)

Coworker: “It’s gonna be a long day.”

This story is part of our Bread roundup!

Read the next story in this roundup!

Read the Bread roundup!

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. How can I–”

Caller: “Yeah, I’ve heard all that already, sir, so I don’t need any more of your crap, okay?!”

Me: “Okay, sir, what can I do to–”

Caller: “Look, buddy, my Internet is down, and you need to get it up right now or I’m going to get your a** fired!”

Me: “Sir, I want to get this problem resolved for you just as soon as possible, but you need to–”

Caller: “I don’t need to do s***! That’s it! I want to speak to your supervisor. No, I want to speak to your supervisor’s supervisor! I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MAYOR OF THE INTERNET!”