(I work on a berry farm and we have U-pick on the farm. While working in U-pick, I come across a woman and her son walking in the small wooded area beside one of the strawberry fields.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice you walking through the trees here. Are you looking for someone?”

Customer: “Oh, hi. Um, no… we aren’t looking for anyone.”

(She continues to walk away from me.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to come back to the strawberry field now. This wooded area is actually not on farm property.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. We’ll be quick. My son just needs to poop.”

Me: “Oh! Actually, we ask that you don’t do that here. We have restrooms back at the main building.”

(I point to the building, which is about twenty yards away.)

Customer: *sighs* “Well, alright, but that’s a pretty long way to walk…”

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(I work at an all-you-can-eat buffet. My job is to bring drinks to the table and take away the dirty plates.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]! I’ll go ahead and get your drinks. The buffet is ready when you are.”

Customer #1: “Thanks!”

(I bring their drinks to the table and see that they are still there and have not gotten up to get their plates. I go about my business. About 10 minutes later, I see they are still sitting at their table with no food in front of them.)

Me: “Are you waiting on someone?”

Customer #1: “There you are! We’re starving! I’ll start off with chicken, corn, and mashed potatoes.”

Me: “Okay, well, the buffet is over there and you can help yourself.”

Customer #1: “You mean we have to get it ourselves?”

Customer #2: “Can’t you get our food for us?”

Me: “Are you disabled?”

Customer #1: “No, we’re not.”

Me: “The buffet is self-serve. The plates are up at the buffet.”

(I didn’t get a tip.)

Customer: “I can’t find the Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter. Could you order them for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, they don’t make Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. They have Cliff’s Notes for everything. Why don’t you look it up?”

Me: “Actually, they don’t have Cliff’s Notes for everything, especially not for children’s books.”

Customer: “They aren’t children’s books.”

Me: “They’re shelved in the children’s section.”

Customer: “Adults read them too. You don’t have them so I’d like to order them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but they don’t exist.”

Customer: “That’s a lie. There’s a computer right in front of you. Look up Cliff’s Notes and find them!”

(I look up Cliff’s Notes and show the customer the extensive list. After a few minutes of frustrated searching, she gives up.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to know what they’re about, but I don’t want to read them.”

Me: “May I suggest the movies, in that case?”

Customer: “I’m not stupid! I’ve seen the movies! I just don’t want to read the books!”

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(It is the first week of classes, so the bookstore is absolutely packed.)

Student: “Can you help me?”

Me: “Of course. What do you need?”

(The student hands me her book list.)

Student: “Find all of these for me.”

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Customer: “I need to find [diet and exercise book].”

(I go and look up the book for her.)

Me: “Alright, it looks like it will be in our wellness section. Let’s head over there and grab it.”

Customer: “You go get it. I’m tired.”

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