(My daughter requires glasses to see, so we go in for our regular eye appointment in November. Everything goes well until it comes time to pay for the appointment and glasses, at which point the staff inform me that my daughter’s vision insurance has already been used this year, and therefore won’t cover her new glasses. Confused, since her last appointment was fourteen months ago — definitely over a year — I head home to contact our insurance company to get things straightened out.)

Me: “I’m trying to figure out why my daughter’s insurance has been marked as used this year. Our last appointment was in September of last year, fourteen months ago.”

Insurance Rep: “Oh, we have an appointment on file from January of this year, so her insurance has already been used.”

Me: “But we didn’t have any eye appointment in January. Something’s not right here.”

Insurance Rep: “I don’t know what to tell you. You had an appointment in January, so you have to wait until next year to use her insurance again.”

Me: “And I’m telling you her last vision appointment was September of last year. We didn’t have any January appointment. Your records are wrong.”

Insurance Rep: “Give me a moment to check.”

(She puts me on hold for a while as she looks into this.)

Insurance Rep: “I don’t know what to tell you. You used her coverage for an appointment in January at a clinic in Missouri.”

Me: “We live in Georgia. We haven’t been to Missouri in the last year, let alone for a vision appointment. Who was the appointment for?”

Insurance Rep: “Oh, [Male Name, nowhere near my daughter’s relatively unique name].”

Me: “That’s not my daughter.”

Insurance Rep: “Oh. Let me look into this some more.”

(She puts me on hold again.)

Insurance Rep: “Okay, so, it looks like that vision clinic put the wrong patient information in when they filed his appointment.”

Me: “So, this is going to be fixed, and my daughter can get her glasses, right?”

Insurance Rep: “Unfortunately, it’s going to take six weeks or more to correct this error.”

Me: “But that puts us in next year, and my daughter needs her glasses.”

Insurance Rep: “I’m sorry, but that’s the best we can do.”

Me: “Even though it was your company’s mistake?”

Insurance Rep: “I’m sorry. Perhaps you can work something out with your vision clinic in the meantime?”

Me: “Fine.”

(Luckily, the vision clinic is at least willing to work with me on a reimbursement plan that will allow us to get the glasses now and have the insurance company cover the cost once they finally get around to fixing the problem without it applying against the next year. But aside from our insurance company not realizing that an adult man in Missouri is not my 10-year-old daughter in Georgia, the real gem is what happens when my husband calls the insurance company for a follow-up.)

Husband: “So, how can we be sure this doesn’t happen again next year?”

Insurance Rep #2: “You’ll just have to call in every now and then to make sure her insurance hasn’t been used yet.”

Husband: “You mean you don’t have anything in place to make sure that my daughter’s insurance doesn’t get accidentally applied to someone else’s appointment in another state?”

Insurance Rep #2: “No, sorry.”

Husband: “So, you’re making us do your job.”

(I have a heavy box I am struggling to get into my car. According to my phone — I made a call before and after loading — I’ve been working at it for about ten minutes. After I’ve loaded the box, a man walks up to me.)

Man: “Do you need help with that?”

(Boston is recovering from an intense storm around April. Now that snow from the blizzard is finally gone, the city starts working on the roads. Among the work is sewer assessment, which means fixing anything that’s damaged and giving what’s not a cleaning. The city distributes flyers through the mail to notify us of times when work will be done in our area over the next month or so, asking that we minimize water, and that any strange smell emanating from our faucets and toilets is normal and not hazardous. On the day my neighborhood is scheduled for this work, I’m up at six am, making myself breakfast as usual when I hear the sound of an idle truck and workers yelling. Since local legislation states work can’t begin until nine am, this is already unusual. What follows doubles down on that.)

Worker #1: “We’re all set up? When’s [Person] getting here?”

Worker #2: “Should be here around seven.”

Worker #1: “What’ll we do until then?”

(Rather than a verbal answer, the sound of the idle engine is now mixed with the sound of chain links rattling. I look out the window and confirm my suspicions: these workers, two black men that are easily twice as jolly as Santa, are pulling on my fence to help them as they limber up for the job ahead. I step outside.)

Me: “Get off the fence!”

Worker #1: “Relax! It’s a fence!”

Me: “Fences aren’t meant to hold your weight! Now, get off it and turn your truck off!”

Worker #2: “Fine! Jeez!”

(They both step back and release the fence, and then, they proceed to stand there waiting.)

Me: “The truck?”

Worker #1: “It’s fine!”

Me: “You’re burning gas right now. Turn it off!”

Worker #2: “It’s no problem. It’s got one of those engines that doesn’t use much fuel.”

Me: “It’s not about fuel. It’s about air quality and the law. To help reduce pollution, Massachusetts passed an Anti-Idling Law which prohibits vehicles from sitting idle for more than five minutes without just cause.”

(Both of their hands launch above their heads while grinning.)

Worker #1: “DON’T SHOOT! DON’T SHOOT! OUR HANDS ARE UP! DON’T SHOOT!”

Me: “What the f*** are you talking about?”

Worker #2: “You’re a white guy talking like a cop! We don’t want to get shot!”

(I have no response. I do, however, report the idle engine — which miraculously turns off just before the police drive up — and file a complaint with the city about the workers showing up incredibly early, attacking my fence, leaving their engines idle, and harassing me when I try to protect my property. I’m also sure to mention, “If my fence had broken and they’d gotten hurt, they’d have sued me for their medical bills.” The following week, the crew is back, but they park next to my neighbor’s house, instead. My neighbor is not only a friend but also very old and very gossipy. When I come back from work at around 3:30, he emerges from his backyard, where his wife is also sitting, and I hear a distinct chirping.)

Me: “Is your alarm going off?”

Neighbor: *nodding* “They parked their truck next to my vent. The exhaust fumes are leaking into my house and setting off the monoxide alarm, and they won’t move the truck.”

(I once again go out front and talk to these workers, and I find a different crew member with a monitor connected to a large pipe leading down into the sewer.)

Me: “So, why is your truck idle?”

Worker #3: “We’ve got a camera down in the sewer taking magnified pictures to see if there’s anything we can’t see. We need the truck to power it.”

Me: “Oh. So, where’s the cord connecting it to the truck?”

Worker #3: “What?”

Me: “The cord. If it’s getting power from the truck, they have to be connected.”

Worker #3: “…”

Me: “Turn the truck off and apologize before I get inside, or I’m calling the police again to report an idle engine and reckless endangerment.”

Worker #3: “‘Reckless endangerment’?”

Me: “You filled the home of two senior citizens with carbon monoxide — endangering their lives — and you refused to turn off your engine or move your truck when he confronted you about it. And even with your equipment running, the alarm is still audible from here.”

(Thankfully, that works. Even so, I invite my neighbor over to help file another complaint with the company. The following week, the team is back on the job. At this point, I am just curious to know when the work will be over.)

Me: “So, what’s the…”

Worker #4: “Shut up!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Worker #4: “Our union rep told us you’re a troublemaker and we’re not supposed to talk to you! So shut up!”

This story is part of our Chilly Weather Roundup!

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(One of the offices I assist remotely is allergic to doing troubleshooting that requires any amount of effort on their part, preferring to just replace everything any time there’s a problem, and charge it to the company. This is my favorite ticket from these guys:)

Ticket: “The printer downstairs in the south wing has a paper jam. I believe the best course of action would be to replace the printer.”

(My hotel chain does system-wide maintenance every Saturday night into Sunday morning. It can take anywhere from two to eight hours each time. The official word from IT is not to use our reservation system AT ALL during this time, but that is, of course, an untenable solution that I generally ignore. This particular Saturday, I get a call at around midnight.)

Guest: “Hi, so, I have a bit of a problem. I’m a team member, and I made a reservation for my wife under the family rate at [Related Brand Hotel]. But, uh… they’re telling her they can’t check anyone in until three am because of system maintenance. Is your system under maintenance, too?”

Me: “Er, well… Technically, yes, but I’ll tell you right now that I don’t follow that silly rule. And even if I did, there are ways to get around the maintenance. They could make her keys and note her information, and just check her in once the maintenance is finished. They won’t let her check in at all?“

Guest: “They won’t! It’s ridiculous! They want her to wait until three with two toddlers, or go to another hotel that isn’t [Brand]! I’m a coworker, for God’s sake!”

Me: “I am so sorry you’re having such problems with them.”

Guest: “It’s not your fault. Oh, but it’s after midnight… I’m not going to be able to book for tonight anymore. Agh, and it’s not showing me prices for tomorrow!”

Me: “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got another team member in house. I’ll reference their price and force in a reservation for her. Just give me your member number so there’s proof she’s here on a family plan.”

Guest: “Oh, God, thank you so much! My number is [number]. She’ll be there in about twenty minutes!”

(His wife arrived and I checked her in with no problem. They were super sweet and grateful, and I agreed with them that the other hotel was being ridiculous. A hotel can’t just refuse to touch their reservations for hours on end on a Saturday night; I don’t care what IT says!)