(I am a receptionist at a radiology clinic.)
Me: “Okay. What is your date of birth?”
Patient: “I’ve been here before.”
(A stare-off ensued while I attempted to read their mind.)
Looking For Strays
(I work at a store in my hometown. It’s the Sunday after Thanksgiving and my mother, sister, and I have gone shopping in a larger town with a larger location than ours. We walk around looking for Christmas gifts and then get to the checkout area.)
Mom: “OH MY.”
(There is still a long line, stretching back several aisles from the registers.)
Mom: “I’m not waiting in that line.”
(She sets the item she was going to purchase down on a display.)
Me: “You know, you could give that to an employee instead of leaving it sitting there. We have buckets at our registers for that.”
(Mom picks her item back up and asks one of the employees directing traffic if she can take the item.)
Employee: *cheerfully* “I’d be happy to take it for you!”
(My least favorite thing is picking up stray items that are left in areas they don’t belong. Bring it to the register with you and we’ll take it. Or flag down an employee on the floor and ask if we can put it back instead of leaving it for us to find later.)
Driving You Bananas
(I work at a small ice cream parlor inside of a supermarket. We have two different flavors each day, and I have a twenty-inch sign right in front of me saying what two flavors we are selling on the given day.)
Sign: “Today: CHOCOLATE & BANANA.”
Customer: “Strawberry.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “I want strawberry. Do you have it?”
Me: “Madam, the fruit section is–” *gives directions to the produce section*
Customer: “I want ice cream.”
Me: “Oh, okay. Which one would you like? Today we have chocolate and banana flavor.”
Customer: “Strawberry.”
Me: *starting to understand what she wanted earlier* “I’m sorry, we don’t have that flavor today. Would you like the chocolate or the banana one?”
Customer: “Ugh. But you don’t have strawberry.”
Me: “No, I’m sorry. I think we are going to have it again on [day].”
Customer: “But I want my ice cream.”
Me: “Okay… Well.. Would you like to try the banana one or the chocolate one?”
Customer: “Whatever.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “Just whatever. Give me some ice cream.”
Me: “Umm… You have to choose, ma’am.”
Customer: “I don’t care.”
Me: “So… I guess I can recommend the banana one?”
Customer: “Then give me the banana one.”
Me: “Okay, and would you like big or small?”
Customer: “Banana.”
Me: “Yes, yes, but what size? Big or small?”
Customer: “Just give me a bit.”
Me: *screaming inside*
Schrödinger Searching For A New Logo
Reading email from editor wanting logos for a company, customer requests are:
Detailed yet simple designs are key.
And Many F***s Were Given
(I work in a call centre. Going on a break, I overhear two coworkers known for slacking off a lot complaining about something, so I decide to stop and listen.)
Coworker #1: “I get really upset when a customer tells me to f*** off.”
Coworker #2: “Me, too. It’s really mean of them.”
Me: “If you don’t mind me asking, how often does it happen?”
Coworker #1: “Two or three times a day.”
Coworker #2: “Yeah. Me, too. About the same.”
Me: “If customers aren’t telling you to f*** off at least a dozen times a day, you aren’t working hard enough.”
(I walked away while they stood there with their mouths open.)