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They Must Have Been High(lands)

, , , , , | Working | September 13, 2017

(I have applied for Universal Credit and have to attend a compulsory interview for it. I get the email telling me that my interview is not only 400 miles away, but also in another country. I call the helpline to ask them to reschedule my interview.)

Helpline Employee: “How can I help you today?”

Me: “I’ve been given a date for my interview, but it’s in Edinburgh, and I live in London. I was just wondering if that was a computer glitch or something?”

Helpline Employee: “Would that be a problem?”

Me: “Well… yes. I live 400 miles away. In London, England.”

Helpline Employee: *as though I am stupid* “Edinburgh is in Scotland, not in England. Can you attend the interview or not?”

Me: “No. As I have said, it’s 400 miles away, so I have no way of getting there. I’d like an interview closer to my home, please.”

Helpline Employee: “I can send you the public transport options to get you to your interview. It’s really important to go to it!”

(I don’t want to hang up and call again, as I was on hold for so long. I decide to go with it and see if she spots the problem.)

Me: “Can we talk through transport options now?”

Helpline Employee: “No, all I can do is email them to the email address you provided.”

Me: *getting frustrated* “I have already looked at transport options. As I don’t have a car, I can only go by train. A train from London to Edinburgh takes about five hours, usually longer. I can’t afford that kind of trip, and even if I could, I don’t want to spend more than ten hours on a train in one day. Can I change the location of my appointment, please?”

Helpline Employee: “How far away do you actually live?”

Me: *thinking we’re finally getting somewhere* “About 400 miles.”

Helpline Employee: “I can move your appointment to the afternoon. That will mean you will have time to attend!”

(I just hung up and resolved to be on hold again. I gave it a minute and called back. After being on hold for ages, I spoke to someone who changed my appointment to the branch that was 20 minutes walk from my house. He had no idea why I was sent to the Edinburgh branch, but at least he understood the concept of distance.)

This story is part of our Scotland themed roundup!

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The Boss Is No Shrimping Violet

, , , , , , , | Working | September 12, 2017

(My sister and I are craving [Specialty Drinks] and we stop at [Popular Fast Food Restaurant] to treat ourselves. After placing our orders, we’re waiting, and we get to experience this interaction:)

Employee #2: *to the manager as she runs out of the kitchen* “Hey, [Manager], you need to talk to [Employee #1]. He’s back there eating shrimp again, and now I need some air.”

Manager: “D*** it, again? Fine. Hey, [Employee #1]!”

Employee #1: *sticks head out of kitchen while chewing* “What?”

Manager: “Are you eating seafood?”

Employee #1: “H*** yeah!”

Manager: “We don’t serve seafood at [Restaurant], so, none in the kitchen.”

Employee #1: “Why the f*** not?”

Manager: “There are people like [Employee #2] who are allergic to seafood, and we don’t have it on our allergen list.”

Employee #1: “F*** that, [racial slur]. I love shrimp.”

Manager: *apparently losing patience* “You can’t eat it in [Restaurant].”

Employee #1: *stuffs piece of shrimp into his mouth with a gloved hand*

Manager: “Okay. Fine. You’re fired. Let’s head to the office.”

Employee #1: “What the f***, [racial slur]! You can’t fire me!”

Manager: *authoritatively* “Office. Now.”

(He started towards the back. Employee #1 followed angrily. My sister and I left with our order. We were both glad we didn’t order any food, because my sister is deathly allergic to shrimp.)

The (Pizza) Pie Is A Lie

, , | Working | September 8, 2017

(I have been working long days, as it’s the busiest time at work. I get home 14 hours after I left that morning, and decide to treat myself to an internationally known pizza chain that lets you track the order. I order online and watch the tracker tell me that the order is on its way. Then it says delivered, but I have no pizza. I ring the branch.)

Me: “Hi, I ordered online about an hour ago, and the order tracker says it’s been delivered, but it hasn’t arrived. “

Employee: “What’s the order number?”

Me: *gives order number*

Employee: “Okay, hold on.”

(I wait. And wait. And wait some more. When I’m about to hang up and retry he comes back on the phone.)

Employee: “Okay, so it looks like we haven’t even made it yet.”

Me: “What?!”

Employee: “Yeah, sorry, I looked everywhere for your order, and it was on the floor among the old receipts.”

Me: “…right, it’s been over an hour now, I’ve already paid for this online. I just want what I ordered.”

Employee: “Well, I’ll put the order in now, but we’re really busy, so you’ll be looking at an hour, hour and a half wait, okay? We have orders to make before this one.”

Me: “No, that is not okay. I just paid nearly £22 for a pizza that you’re saying will now be another hour and a half wait? Even though I ordered this an HOUR before the ones you’re cooking now? You won’t prioritise this since you admit it’s your fault?”

Employee: “Nope, you’ll have to wait.”

Me: “You think waiting two and a half hours for a pizza is acceptable?”

Employee: “Well, what do you wanna do? Come pick it up if you’re that bothered!”

Me: “I don’t have a car, and you’re on the other side of town, plus I have ALREADY PAID a delivery fee over an hour ago when I ordered this pizza!”

(I demanded a refund and made myself a sandwich. I have never ordered anything from there since, and never will again.)

In Bad Company

, , | Working | September 7, 2017

(I come home to find a taxicab parked in my parking spot. I didn’t order a taxi, and no one is in the cab. I call the taxicab company and they try to figure it out, but after an hour, I’m getting upset. So I call a local towing company and explain.)

Me: “Hello, there’s a yellow taxi in my driveway and I need it towed away.”

Towing: “HA HA HA! NO, we can’t tow a taxi cab! That’s PRIVATE PROPERTY! Call their company!”

Me: “I already did and they couldn’t figure it out. I need to park!”

Towing: “Sorry! Can’t help!” *click*

Me: “…”

(Eventually I had to park in the visitor’s space, which is much farther away. Seems to me like the towing company is always eager to tow private citizens’ cars, but not from a company! Anyone could slap a fake company’s name on their car and not have it towed!)

They Have Just One Job…

, , , , | Working | September 6, 2017

(I have submitted my CV to a number of recruitment agencies, and have been getting a good amount of responses. I have never had to “fire” an agency before, but their vacancies are worse than the rejections.)

Agency: “Can you call me back about this great job in maintenance that I think you would be perfect for?”

(I spent six months working in maintenance, ten years ago.)

Agency: “What do you think of this vacancy?” *shows me job with a two-hour commute, a full hour and a half farther than I wanted to travel*

Agency: “This role as a quality engineer sounds perfect for you. It’s 15 minutes from your door, and the right pay”

(It’s for a food company, a notorious industry that will block any applicant that hasn’t had any prior experience [like me]. I apply on his recommendation, and surprise, never hear anything.)

Agency: “I have sent you some jobs. Please look over them and let me know.” *sends me 20 jobs, seemingly randomly plucked out of the air, anything from stacking shelves to director levels that I am no way qualified for*

(When I called to ask them to stop, the agent actually blamed me, and told me that there were no jobs for someone of my skills. I accepted a job a few days later.)