Things Are Looking Up

, , , , | Working | June 24, 2017

(For several months, my wife and I have been fighting with a well-known cable TV provider over our bill. They have been attempting to raise our prices every month and every month my wife will call in to dispute it, and every month, they apply just enough credit to not make switching worth the effort. The last increase is almost a $30 jump and needless to say, we’re both pretty fed up. Then this happens when she calls in:)

Wife: “Look, this is the fifth time I’ve called about our monthly cost. Our bill has just jumped from $90 to $120 for no reason. Nothing has changed in the programming, equipment, nothing. There has to be something you can do about this. It’s ridiculous!”

Rep: “Okay. Let’s see what we can do. If I apply [Credit #1] and [Credit #2] and [Deal] and [Promo], I can get your price down to $130 a month.”

Wife: “What? Did you say $130?”

Rep: “I’m sorry. That’s the best I can do right now.”

Wife: “That’s $10 more than the bill I’m calling to complain about!”

Rep: “Well, another price increase just went into effect since the last bill, and I don’t have any other promotions I can apply to your account.”

Wife: “So what you’re telling me is that my bill is going to increase again next month regardless of what you do now.”

Rep: “Yes. Have I provided you with excellent service today?”

Wife: “No!”

(Needless to say, later that day we called a competitor, scheduled installation with them, and cancelled our account with the existing provider.)

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Quitters’ Anonymous

, , , , , , | Working | June 23, 2017

(I work at a trucking company on night shift and I dispatch our drivers, answering phone calls and messages. One night I got a call from the wife of one of our drivers.)

Me: “[Company], this is [My Name].”

Woman: “Hi, my husband drives for you and wants to quit and is wondering where to return his truck.”

Me: “Is he under a load right now?”

Woman: “Yes, I think he’s somewhere in Louisiana right now.”

(Wondering why he isn’t calling us, I try to get some information so I can look him up in our system, and also wondering if I’ll need to get someone else to take care of his load if he quits while hauling a loaded trailer.)

Me: “Do you know his driver ID number or truck number?”

Woman: “No, he doesn’t want you to know that.”

Me: “Can you ask him to call us so we can help him?”

Woman: “No, he doesn’t want to talk to you.”

Me: “Okay, can I have his name?”

Woman: “No, he doesn’t want you to know who he is.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, without knowing who he is, there’s not much I can do.”

Woman: *seeming to realize that he can’t quit his job anonymously* “I’ll ask him for more information.” *hangs up*

(Later, he did call us and we were able to help him, but how did he expect his wife to quit his job for him without telling us who was quitting?)

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Living In A La La Land

, , , , , | Working | June 22, 2017

(I’m conducting a disciplinary meeting with an employee who has numerous customer complaints, late punches, and missed days. His department head is there as my co-manager.)

Me: “I need you to understand that this meeting is your last warning. If you have any issues over the next month, we will be letting you go. Now, we need to look at these write ups one by one, and you will have a chance to discuss each one, okay?”

Employee: “No!”

Department Head: “Are you putting in your resignation?”

Employee: “No, you’re just doing it wrong! You’re supposed to say two nice things for every bad thing. You said something mean, so now you have to give me two compliments.”

Me: “I’m not saying anything mean; we are just reviewing the facts. Okay, the first write up was from your supervisor, and—”

Employee: “I’m not listening until both of you AND [Supervisor] say something nice!”

Department Head: “Okay, this isn’t the point of a disciplinary meeting—”

Employee: *putting hands over his ears* “LALALA! I CAN’T HEAR YOU! LALALA! NOT LISTENING! LALALA!”

(This keeps up for a minute while we sit shocked, then I turn and print out and sign the paperwork that terminates the employee. The whole time he has his hands over his ears and is yelling. He finally stops when security arrives.)

Employee: “You can’t fire me yet! You said I’d have a chance to explain my write ups! This isn’t fair!”

Me: *quietly to the department head* “Lalala, not listening.”

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Getting Themselves Into An Even Bigger Mess

, , | Working | June 22, 2017

(I enter a store’s bathroom to use it, and the stalls are all full except for one, and a nightmarish scene is in there. Blood and urine stains everywhere, and the smell is horrific. I exit and find a worker, who is a teenager.)

Me: “Excuse me, I’ve just been in the female restroom—”

Worker #1: “Wah?”

Me: “—and there’s a big mess in one of the stall., I don’t know who—”

Worker #1: *yells behind me at someone* “Hey! Come over here. This chick is saying something about a mess she made?”

Me: “No! It wasn’t me!”

(Another worker joins us, and he seems perhaps older and more sensible. But no.)

Worker #2: “What’s this? A mess?”

Worker #1: “Yeah, she said a mess in the bathroom and she made it!”

Me: “I SAID IT WASN’T ME.”

Worker #2: “Well, I’m not cleaning it!”

Worker #1: “Yeah, we can’t enter the female bathrooms, anyway.”

Worker #2: “I doubt we have any females working now.” *to me* “Since you made the mess, we’ll hand you a mop and you can clean it, ‘kay?”

Me: “Where’s the manager?”

(The manager came over, and I explained to her what happened, with the two male workers still insisting that I made the mess and laughing. What clowns. I left.)

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Serving Cruella DeVille

, , , | Right | June 21, 2017

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, miss?”

Customer: “You don’t have much, do you? I can’t find anything!”

(I stare at the huge wall of DVDs. She pulls out a small notepad.)

Customer: “I was looking for 101 Dalmatians.”

(I pull it off the shelf.)

Customer: “And Captain America!”

(Again I pull it off the shelf.)

Customer: “And—”

Me: “Maybe this will go quicker if you give me the list?”

(She hands it over and I see close to 15 titles, most of which are within view.)

Me: “You didn’t look?”

Customer: *smiling* “No.”

Me: “You wanted someone else to find them for you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You could have just asked.”

Customer: *smile disappearing* “I don’t like your attitude.”

(She took the list and left the store, but not without complaining to my manager that I tried assaulting her. It’s a good thing he had full view of us the entire time, and was within ear shot.)

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