Got To Give Him Extra Credit For Trying

, , , , , , | Working | December 12, 2017

I attempt to top-up my “pay as you go” mobile at a bank’s ATM, but the message on the screen says that the transaction failed. I try once more and get the same result, so I decide to try at a different bank.

Then I check my phone and see that, according to it, my credit had been topped up successfully, both times. So I go back to the bank and print a statement, which shows that both transactions failed and my account hasn’t been charged. Effectively, I have gained money out of nowhere!

I explain the situation to the teller, who tells me that there is nothing the bank can do, and it is the phone company’s problem. I call the phone company’s service number and tell them, but they insist it is the bank’s problem. Since both sides don’t want to do anything, I don’t mention it again.

I figured that eventually the issue would be discovered and the money taken from my account, but that never happened. I got a lot of credit for free.

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Microwaving Goodbye To Your Business

, , , | Working | December 6, 2017

(My husband and I move into a house that has a 23-year-old wall-mount unit which has a microwave and an oven. The oven works fine, but the microwave doesn’t work at all. Husband opens the microwave up, finds the schematics, and determines the problem part. It’s made by [Company], and that is the only place he can hope to find the part, so he calls them.)

Husband: “Hi, I need [part]. Do you have that in stock?”

Rep: “A what? Why do you think you need that?”

Husband: “We have a wall-mount microwave and oven unit, and the microwave doesn’t work. I looked at the schematics and I think that part is bad. Do you have it? How much is it?”

Rep: “Those schematics aren’t for you to look at. They’re for our repairmen.”

Husband: “…so, do you have the part?”

Rep: “You can’t determine what you need. We have to send one of our repairmen out to look at it.”

Husband: “And how much does that cost?”

Rep: “Seventy-five dollars. If he can fix it, that goes toward the repair.”

Husband: “Seventy-five dollars? I could buy two new microwaves for that price!”

Rep: “If he can’t fix it, then that goes toward a new unit.”

Husband: “But it’s just the microwave that’s broken. I could buy a new microwave, for less, and use the broken one as a bread box!”

(And so we did. This company is on the brink of bankruptcy, and I no longer wonder why.)

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Maybe 40 Is His IQ?

, , , , | Right | December 5, 2017

(I am doing Internet tech support over the phone.)

Me: “I’d like you check if you can see your WiFi name now, please.”

Customer: *too fast to have re-checked the list* “It’s still not there.”

Me: “Okay, can I have you just refresh the list, please?”

Customer: *angrily* “I don’t know how to do that! I’m forty! I don’t know anything about all this technology stuff!”

(I managed to refrain from telling him that I am forty-three, and not only am I not the oldest in the call centre, one of my coworkers left retirement to come and work with us! There are many excuses for being ignorant about technology, but being middle-aged isn’t one of them.)

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Sky’s The Limit… Well, Four

, , , , | Learning | December 1, 2017

(As part of a job application, I need a Student Status Certificate stamped by the university, which proves when I will graduate. I need four copies but only one needs to be an original. I go to the student reception desk to ask for one.)

Me: “Hi! I’d like a Student Status Certificate, please.”

Receptionist: “Okay, how many would you like?”

Me: “Um, just one, I guess. Then, I can photocopy it.”

Receptionist: “Are you sure? They’re free, so I can give you more than one.”

Me: “Oh, okay, then. Could I please have four?”

Receptionist: *laughs as if I’m a moron* “Four? I can’t give you that many!”

Me: “Okay… but you… Never mind. How many can I have, then?”

Receptionist: “Two.”

Me: “I guess I’ll have two, then, please.”

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They Act Like They’re Baked

, , , , , , , | Working | November 30, 2017

(My BFF and I run a small bakery. We are very sarcastic with each other and our employees:)

BFF: *texting* “Not coming in today.”

Me: “Really? You are only four hours late. I didn’t even miss you.”

BFF: “Slow?”

Me: “Turtle, slug, slime creeping; what is slower?”

BFF: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Watching Deadwood, cleaning the office, surfing p*rn (not really).”

BFF: “Go home. Girls can handle the front.”

Me: “No! Then I would have to watch TMNT, clean the kitchen, and surf Pinterest. Work is way better!”

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