Your Listening Skills Are Under Investigation

, , | USA | Working | October 12, 2016

(A package of clothes I’ve ordered online was supposed to be delivered a few days earlier, but I never received it. I contact the clothing company. They contact the delivery company, who starts their investigation to try to find the package. The delivery company contacts me two days later to inform me they can’t find it and are closing the investigation, and I should contact the seller to inform them and go with their next steps.)

Me: *after giving the incident number to the customer service rep* “I was just contacted by [Shipping Company] who completed their investigation but couldn’t find the package. What do I need to do next?”

Customer Service: “It’s only been two days since the investigation began. The investigation takes 15 days. You’ll hear from [Shipping Company] when they complete the investigation.”

Me: “Sorry, I think I was unclear. [Shipping Company] already contacted me. They completed their investigation and have now closed the investigation. They couldn’t find the package and told me to contact you.”

Customer Service: “It’s only been two days. [Shipping Company] will contact you after 15 days to let you know the results of their investigation.”

Me: “[Shipping Company] already contacted me to let me know the results of their investigation. The closed the investigation already.”

Customer Service: “You will have to wait the 15 days for [Shipping Company] to complete their investigation. They will call you when they are done. Then you can give us a call again and we can move forward.”

Me: *weeps*

(I gave up and contacted them again on day 15. I asked for them to resend the clothes, but they just refunded me. Sigh. Good enough, I guess.)

It’s Hard Work When You’re Hardly Working

, , , | California, USA | Learning | July 26, 2012

(My friend, who is a bit ditzy and lazy, has just started at an on-campus work program at the college library. She meets up with me at the cafeteria after work.)

Friend: “Work was so bad today. I didn’t even get a chance to sit down and play on the computer.”

Me: “Well, you should be working anyway, not watching videos.”

Friend: “Usually we don’t get much problems with people. Some people can be so rude!”

Me: “Okay, what happened?”

Friend: “Today a big group of guys came into the library and got A LOT of books.”

Me: “All right, well—”

Friend: “Then when they were done reading,they either left their books on the table…”

Me: “Well—”

Friend: “…or they put them on the WRONG shelf.”

Me: “Yes—”

Friend: “…or even on the right shelf, but NOT the right place!”

Me: “Well, you—”

Friend: “I think they personally did that on purpose to mess with me. Like, another group came and sort of did the same thing. I mean, how rude are they?! They can’t even bother to put books away in the right spot!”

Me: “So, you are mad that people didn’t put the books back in the right order?”

Friend: “Well, duh!”

Me: “So you are mad because you think these people are doing this just to spite you?”

Friend: “Well, yeah! They got A LOT of books out, and I had to put them ALL away. Normally I get to like read my book or look on the web, since I normally don’t have much to do.”

Me: “You do realize you work in the library. You should be working, not just sitting and reading. Isn’t one of the jobs you have there putting the books away on the shelves?”

Friend: “Well, yeah! What’s your point?!”

Self Serve And Self Deserved

, , , | Right | October 13, 2011

(I work at an all-you-can-eat buffet. My job is to bring drinks to the table and take away the dirty plates.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]! I’ll go ahead and get your drinks. The buffet is ready when you are.”

Customer #1: “Thanks!”

(I bring their drinks to the table and see that they are still there and have not gotten up to get their plates. I go about my business. About 10 minutes later, I see they are still sitting at their table with no food in front of them.)

Me: “Are you waiting on someone?”

Customer #1: “There you are! We’re starving! I’ll start off with chicken, corn, and mashed potatoes.”

Me: “Okay, well, the buffet is over there and you can help yourself.”

Customer #1: “You mean we have to get it ourselves?”

Customer #2: “Can’t you get our food for us?”

Me: “Are you disabled?”

Customer #1: “No, we’re not.”

Me: “The buffet is self-serve. The plates are up at the buffet.”

(Needless to say, I didn’t get a tip.)

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Bureaucracy’s Hidden Benefits

, , , , | | Right | September 10, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Client: “I’d like to know why I haven’t received my benefits.”

Me: “Let’s just pull up your case. Can I have your case number?”

(The client gives me their case number and I pull up the case.)

Me: “Well, it looks like you didn’t return your application. Without an application, we can’t approve welfare benefits.”

Client: “Can’t we do it over the phone?”

Me: “No, you need to come in and do an in-person interview so we can get an ID and a signature.”

Client: “So, we can’t do it over the phone?”

Me: “No, we need a face-to-face interview.”

Client: “That’s just too much work. I’ll just go get a job!” *click*

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Thy Laziness Knows No Bounds

, , , | | Right | July 31, 2008

Me: “Hi! This is [Restauran]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to order a delivery.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t do deliveries.”

Caller: “So, you expect me to come all the way over… to eat your food?!”

Me: “Umm… yeah, if you want.”

Caller: “Goodbye!” *hangs up*


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