An Efficiency Deficiency

, , , | Working | January 11, 2018

(We have a drop-shipping contract with one of our suppliers, and they will process some of our orders for us. Part of that contract is to get the orders out in a maximum of five working days. We have recently had a lot of snow, and their office closed for two days, which caused some delays. Some orders have now been waiting for nine working days due to the backlog. A customer has just requested a cancellation, as they want different items. As this is a drop-ship order, I need to call them to stop it from going out.)

Me: “Hi, could we please cancel [order]? The customer has just requested a cancellation.”

Supplier: “Sorry, it was shipped out a couple of hours ago.”

Me: “Really? The order was only placed about five hours ago.”

Supplier: “Yeah, we are just very efficient sometimes.”

Me: “Has all of the backlog been fully cleared, then? We have had a few people calling this week to ask what is going on with their order, as they are well outside the five-day limit.”

Supplier: “Not quite, sorry.”

Me: “Then, why are you shipping orders placed today, instead?”

Supplier: “We like being efficient, sometimes.”

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Not Everyone’s Cup Of C

, , , , , | Right | January 11, 2018

(I’m working at a very well known lingerie store when a man walks up to me.)

Customer: “Hello, I am looking for a bra for my wife, since it is our anniversary.”

Me: “I’d be happy to help! Do you know her bra size?”

Customer: “Um, no, I don’t.”

Me: “Well, do you at least know either the band size or the cup size?”

Customer: “Eh, no, I don’t.” *uses his hands to gesture grabbing his boobs* “I mean, they’re big, but not that big.”

Me: “That sounds like a C-cup. Right this way.”

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Can’t Argue With Your Dry Reasoning

, , , , | Working | January 10, 2018

(We have just received a pizza delivery from a large chain pizza place. One of the pizzas does not have sauce, and the other only barely does. We call in.)

Me: “Yes, we just ordered pizza and the pizzas don’t have sauce.”

Pizza Guy: *shouting across the restaurant* “They got a pizza with no sauce!”

Pizza Manager: *after getting my information* “Ma’am, I made that pizza myself. That kind of sauce is very thin and light, and hard to find. We’re putting the regulation amount of sauce on.”

(My husband takes the phone.)

Husband: “We got this order last week and the sauce was fine. Now, there isn’t any.”

Pizza Manager: “Well, since I joined the team, just recently, we’ve had to crack down on people using far too much sauce. It costs [amount] for each bottle of sauce, and putting extra on costs the store [amount], which means that the owner is losing between $500 and $600 between all his restaurants from this.”

Husband: “Then I think we will have to find a different place to get pizza.”

Pizza Manager: “I’m sorry to hear that, but remember that you can select extra sauce when you order your pizzas, at no extra charge.”

Husband: *hangs up* “Why, if it costs nothing to get extra sauce, does putting enough sauce on the pizza cost the owner hundreds of dollars?”

(We go back to eating our dry pizza.)

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Seeking A Job And Further Seeking A Manager

, , , , | Working | January 10, 2018

(I am a college student and I am searching for a new job for the summer. I ask my best friend if the department store where she works is hiring and they are. I go down the next day to give them my resume with my contact information on it. The next day, my best friend calls me on her cell phone and this exchange occurs.)

Best Friend: “[Boss] just called me and wants to know what hours you are seeking and what your availability is?”

Me: “Oh, does he want me to call him back?”

Best Friend: “No, he wanted me to ask you let him know when I came in for my shift.”

(I find it weird that he can’t call me to ask me and had to call my friend to relay his message to me, but I let it go. Two days later, I am at school and I am taking my final, so I don’t have my phone on. After my final, I see that I have two missed calls and one voicemail, so I listen to my voicemail and it’s my best friend.)

Best Friend: “Hey, [My Name]! [Boss] is blowing up my phone because he called you multiple times and left several voice messages, wanting to schedule you an interview, and you never answered. Please let me know what is going on; he wants to know if you’re still interested or not.”

(I call my best friend back and tell her he only called one time and didn’t leave a voicemail, and that I was in an exam. I call the boss back on his cellphone and explain why I couldn’t answer the first time, apologize, and then tell him I am still interested in an interview. Five minutes later, I get another call from my best friend.)

Best Friend: *sounding really annoyed* “I am so sorry for bothering you about this again but [Boss] called me and wants to know when you can come in for an interview. I really don’t know why he wants me to be the messenger and can’t just talk to you!”

(By this point, I don’t even want to go to the interview because I am also getting annoyed that this boss refuses to talk to me personally. But I need the job badly, so I tell her I am available any day. She hangs up to call back her boss, then texts me the interview details. I go in the next day, and throughout the whole interview he sits there, looking at the cameras, and doesn’t really ask me any questions except when I could start. A couple of days later, my best friend calls me, and I already know what she’s calling about.)

Best Friend: “Please don’t shoot the messenger, but [Boss] is too afraid to call you and tell you didn’t get the job.”

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The Only Other Option Is Hedwig

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2018

(I am running a very popular gardening program for my community. At the onset of the program, I ask each participant for their contact information, that I might send them updates about important dates and workshops. This phone call takes place about a month after the program starts for the season.)

Participant: “Hey, [My Name]. I just wanted to know what’s going on with the program. I haven’t gotten any updates from you in a while.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t you get my email?”

Participant: “I never check my email. I only have one so I can get free things from companies.”

Me: “Oh. Okay. Well, let me see; is this address correct? I should have sent you two flyers by now.”

Participant: “I’m sure it’s in my car somewhere. I just throw everything that’s not a bill onto the front seat of my car and deal with it later.”

Me: “Well, I did try to call you last week.”

Participant: “I don’t answer calls from phone numbers I don’t recognize, and I know I wouldn’t recognize yours.”

Me: *getting frustrated* “I think we’re left with carrier pigeon.”

Participant: “What?”

Me: “What other means of communication would you suggest? I’ve listed everything I can think of.”

Participant: “Hmmm… Maybe shoot me a text. But not before or after work. You know I live in an area that doesn’t have reception!”

(Her daughter eventually came to the office for a different reason. I sent her home with about five important papers to take to her mom. I’m sure she’ll never see them!)

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