That Really Grinds My Juicer

, , , , , | Working | July 5, 2018

(I purchase a juicer — the kind where you cut the lemon or orange in half, push one half on the cone, and it turns to press out the juice. I get home to use it and it makes a grinding noise and won’t turn. I paid cash.)

Me: *to cashier* “Hi. I bought this juicer, got it home, and it’s broken. Here is my receipt.”

Cashier: “No problem.”

(The cashier rings in the return, gives me my money, AND THEN PUTS THE BROKEN JUICER IN THE BOX BACK ON THE SHELF!)

Me: “Um… That juicer is broken.”

(The cashier shrugged and went back to work. Now when I return something that is broken in the box, I take a permanent marker and write “BROKEN” all over the box and the merchandise.)

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Knows How To Push Your Button

, , , , , | Related | July 3, 2018

(My 16-year-old son has been home by himself while I’m at work.)

Son: “Hi, Mum. I washed the clothes.”

Me: “Thanks. Hang on, the wet clothes are still in the machine.”

Son: “Yeah, I didn’t hang them out.”

Me: “But I loaded the machine.”

Son: “Yeah, I know.”

Me: “So, what you are telling me is that you pushed a button.”

Son: “Yup.”

Me: “I’m a little underwhelmed by your commitment to helping with housework.”

(My son grinned and exited.)

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Motorized Thievery

, , , , , | Right | July 2, 2018

(I’ve taken a job at a home improvement store doing general floor sales. An understaffed department quickly takes a shine to me and trains me on selling their products.)

Coworker: “And…” *sigh* “…here are the bathroom fans.”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Coworker: *picking up an open box* “These are the worst for angry customers and theft. People will come in and insist on just buying the motor. You can tell them again and again that the motor isn’t standard between models and that you can’t just swap the motor. Some will buy the kit then return it when they realize we told them the truth. Some will bring tools into the store and discreetly steal the motor. But every last one of them will argue with you when you tell them you can’t swap it.”

(He shows me the open box, which contains a kit but the motor has been stolen.)

Me: “Oh. What can we do?”

Coworker: “Nothing really. Tell them you can’t just swap it, but if they’re not afraid of a bit of ducting tape, electrical work, and maybe some drywall cutting, it’s fairly simple to install a new kit. We have this book that shows step-by-step instructions; you can try to upsell it with a kit, but it’s not a popular seller.”

Customer: *walks up* “Yo, I need to swap a motor for a bathroom fan. Where do you have just the motors?”

Coworker: *looks to me*

Me: “Hi! I’m glad to help with that. Unfortunately, you can’t swap just the motor, but the kit’s only $12, and it’s a pretty simple project. We even have this handy book that walks you through it.”

Customer: “F*** that. I know you can just swap the motor. I just want the motor.”

Me: “Well, I’m happy to be proven wrong. You’re welcome to buy the kit and try to swap the motor. If it doesn’t work, you can just install the kit, instead.”

Customer: “No. I’m not paying for the full kit. I just need the motor. What don’t you understand?”

Me: “Sorry, it’s my first week. But unfortunately, I’m told we don’t carry just the motors. You can try a different store, if you like.”

Customer: “Whatever.” *walks away*

(Less than an hour later I was making rounds and found another open kit box with the motor stolen. Seriously, you can’t afford $12?)

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Making You Go Postal

, , , , , | Working | July 2, 2018

(I get to the post office late, but before they close at five. I wait at the counter for almost ten minutes.)

Employee: “I’m closed; you have to come back tomorrow.”

Me: “When did you close?”

Employee: “5:03.”

Me: “Its only 5:01 now, and I’ve been here almost ten minutes.”

Employee: “My watch says 5:10.”

Me: *pointing* “The clocks there, there, and there agree with me.”

(I have him get a supervisor, explain the story, and she verifies.)

Supervisor: “Can you please get this man his package?”

Employee: “I can’t.”

Supervisor: “Why not?”

Employee: “It’ll take ten minutes to get the system back up then shut it down again.”

Supervisor: “Sorry, there’s nothing he can do.”

(I was not impressed with the supervisor. If you decide to not do your job and hide in the back so you don’t have to do any work for at least ten minutes, a little unpaid “overtime” seem reasonable to me; balances the books.)

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Don’t Want To Go Through This Cycle Again

, , , , , | Working | July 1, 2018

(Management recently received a memorandum from the head office regarding internal theft. They have held a meeting to discuss the newly implemented policy.)

Manager: “When your shift ends, one of the managers or supervisors needs to check your belongings before you leave. This includes but is not limited to purses, jackets, backpacks, and whatnot.”

(Most of my coworkers let out a disappointed sigh. I, on the other hand, remain quiet and keep my poker face on. True to my manager’s word, at the end of my shift, he approaches me for a bag check.)

Manager: “Okay, [My Name], I just need to check your belongings now.”

Me: “Oh, sure, no problem!”

(I should mention here that unlike most of the staff, I don’t commute by car or bus. I ride my motorcycle to work.)

Me: “Okay, here’s my bag.”

Manager: *checks bag*

Me: “And I’ll just take my jacket off. Make sure to check every pocket, including the hidden ones.”

Manager: *checks jacket*

Me: “And here’s my helmet.”

Manager: *checks helmet*

Me: “Oh, whoops, I forgot to take off my chest and spine protectors.”

Manager: *checks protectors*

Me: “Here are my gloves.”

Manager: *checks gloves*

Me: “How about my boots? Who knows what can fit in there?”

Manager: *checks boots*

Me: “All right, anything else?”

Manager: “I think that’s everything. Okay, you’re free to go. Have a good night, [My Name]. Ride safe now.”

(We go through this routine for about three more shifts. On the shift after that, however…)

Me: “All right, I’ve clocked out. I guess it’s time for-“

Manager: “No!”

Me: “But what about internal theft?”

Manager: “I don’t care! Get the h*** out of here, [My Name]!”

Me: “Okay, good night!”

(So, just like that, they made a special exception for me because it was too exhaustive to actually enforce the policy. This policy eventually became discontinued because my coworkers protested that it was unfair that I was the only one exempt from searches.)

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