The Nightmare Before Christmas

, , , , , , | Related | December 27, 2018

(In this story, I am about eight years old. It’s Halloween, and my three friends and I are trick-or-treating around my neighborhood. I am dressed like a cat, and so are two of my friends, while the other one is dressed as Mrs. Claus. I ring the doorbell to a house. A guy and his wife open the door.)

Friends & Me: “Trick or treat!”

(The guy looks from me to my two other friends dressed like cats, and then to my other friend dressed as Mrs. Claus.)

Guy: “WHAT IS THIS? IT’S NOT EVEN NOVEMBER YET! FIRST THE GROCERY STORES, AND NOW THIS? PREMATURE CHRISTMAS DECORATING HAS STRUCK AGAIN!”

(He clutched his chest and fell to the floor. My friends and I just looked at each other in confusion. His wife apologized profusely and gave us each a big handful of candy. It was pretty weird, but you have to admit, we had it coming!)

Unfiltered Story #102212

, , , | Unfiltered | December 30, 2017

(I’m a cashier at Walmart who also doubles as a worker at the customer service desk from time to time. Since it’s the holidays, I’m at the service desk even more than usual. For those of you who don’t know, Walmart’s return policy for those who don’t have a receipt is to have anyone returning something worth more than $10 to present ID in place of the receipt and put the money on a gift card to be spent in the store.)

Customer: *comes to the service desk with a sweatshirt missing the tag* Morning!

Me: Good morning, how are you?

Customer: I’m good, I just need to return this. It didn’t fit.

Me: *Locates the UPC on the tag* Alright, do you have your receipt?

Customer: ..No…Does that mean I can’t return the shirt?

Me: Not necessarily. If you have a picture ID on you, I can put the license number in place of the receipt.

Customer: …Why? I don’t feel like I should be penalized for returning a shirt.

Me: You’re not being penalized, I promise. Store policy just calls for the ID number in place of the receipt if you don’t have it.

Customer: Whatever. *Literally throws ID on the desk.* I don’t care, punish me.

Me: *Loads money on gift card, types in ID number, and prints out receipt for her to sign* Fair enough, I’ll just need you to sign this for the refund.

Customer: …Seriously? Was my ID not good enough for you?

Me: It’s fine for me, Ma’am. However, I don’t control–

Customer: Just shut up. *Signs paper, snatches card and balance receipt out of my hand, then promptly storms off*

Congradulations For Learning Something New

, , , , , | Right | December 20, 2017

(I am a baker at a popular chain. My manager has just requested I decorate a cake for a customer. It is to say, “Congratulations, [Recipient]!” on it. I get to work doing so, then present the decorated cake to the customer. She stares at it for a moment, before looking at me as if I’m growing a second head. )

Customer: “Isn’t ‘congratulations’ spelled with a D?”

(My manager overhears this and approaches.)

Me: “No, ma’am. I promise you it’s spelled with a T.”

Customer: *scoffs* “CONGRAD-UH! ULATIONS!”

(I am about to correct her when my manager pulls out his phone and pulls up Siri.)

Manager: *to phone* “Spell, ‘congratulations.’”

(The phone beeps and announces the spelling, and my manager holds it out to show the customer, who promptly quiets down and storms off with her cake.)

Manager: *flabbergasted* “Was she kidding just now? My face hurts from that conversation.”