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No One Disables You Like Family

| TX, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Popular

(I work for a disability lawyer, and we hear some interesting reasons for why people believe they should get disability. One afternoon, an elderly woman comes in with her two grandsons.)

Grandma: “I need to, uh, talk with someone about disability.”

Me: “I can help you with that!” *pulls out information intake sheet* “What’s your name?”

Grandma: “It’s not for me, though.”

Me: “Oh! Okay, who is it for?”

Grandma: “It’s for my grandson. He’s gay.”

Me: “Okay…” *looks at the two guys with her, since both are clearly over 21 and considered a legal adult* “Which one…?”

Grandma: “Oh, he’s not here. He won’t come out of his room. He’s gay. He doesn’t want to talk to us or anything.”

Me: “I see. Well, being gay isn’t a disability. Aside from that, if he’s over 18, he would have to call us himself.”

Grandma: “But he’s gay!”

Me: “And that’s not a reason for disability.”

Grandma: “It is for me!”

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The Client Condemned Himself

| TX, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Popular

(My boss and I are having a discussion about an old house that is across the street from where he lives, and how he wishes he could buy it since it was once a beautiful two-storied Victorian home. As we’re talking, the phone rings, and as the receptionist, it’s my job to answer. I’m still talking with him as I pick the phone up.)

Me: “They might have to condemn it.” *on phone* [Law Office], how can I help you?”

Client: “Did you just curse at me?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Client: “You did! You just cursed at me! I heard you! You said “damn it” to me. I will not be talked to like that. I demand to speak to [Lawyer] right now!”

Me: “Sir, I didn’t say anything of the like. I was talking about—”

Client: “I heard what you said. I can’t believe you’d say something that horrible over the phone. I want to talk to [Lawyer] RIGHT NOW!”

(I put the client on phone and hand the phone over to my boss, the lawyer, and tell him what just happened.)

Lawyer: *picking up the phone* “Who is this…? Right. Mr. [Client], stop being an a** to my receptionist, d*** it. Now, there, it was said to you. What are you going to do? Nothing? Thought not. Call like that again, and I’ll drop your case.”

(Apparently, this client was always using some rude excuse to talk to the lawyer, just so he could complain. It wasn’t shortly after that he got dropped, because he was calling to harass the legal secretary for saying his name wrong once.)

A Winning Counter-Threat

| USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids

(We have a client who frequently calls and threatens to send her father to our firm because her case isn’t resolved, in spite of us telling her repeatedly that she has to wait for the final hearing which has been scheduled. Her father also repeatedly threatens us as well. I’ve finally had enough with this phone call.)

Client’s Father: “If you don’t file a [name of motion] by TODAY, I’m going to come down there personally, and we’ll see what happens!”

Me: “Good. I’ve been looking for a reason to call the police.”

Client’s Father: “What? You can’t do that! Attorney-client privilege!”

Me: “See, here’s the thing Mr. [Name]: you are NOT the client. Furthermore, I’m the paralegal. I don’t get paid enough to deal with your threats. If I quit, the attorney has no one to deal with your abuse. If you come in and threaten me, I have every right to fear for my safety and take actions to ensure I am safe.”

Client’s Father: “WHY YOU B****! I’LL TEACH YOU—”

Me: *interrupting him* “FURTHERMORE, your daughter is in the middle of a custody battle with her ex being represented by one of the loudest attorneys in town. How do you think a criminal charge will affect her case?”

Client’s Father: “DON’T YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!”

Me: “Likewise. Show up at the office and I’ll call the police, and you’ll lose your case. If you have a problem, take it up with the attorney. I’m not dealing with you anymore.”

Client’s Father: “HOW DARE YOU!” *I hang up mid-sentence*

(He never did come in to threaten me… and he never did complain either!)

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