(I work for a disability lawyer, and we hear some interesting reasons for why people believe they should get disability. One afternoon, an elderly woman comes in with her two grandsons.)

Grandma: “I need to, uh, talk with someone about disability.”

Me: “I can help you with that!” *pulls out information intake sheet* “What’s your name?”

Grandma: “It’s not for me, though.”

Me: “Oh! Okay, who is it for?”

Grandma: “It’s for my grandson. He’s gay.”

Me: “Okay…” *looks at the two guys with her, since both are clearly over 21 and considered a legal adult* “Which one…?”

Grandma: “Oh, he’s not here. He won’t come out of his room. He’s gay. He doesn’t want to talk to us or anything.”

Me: “I see. Well, being gay isn’t a disability. Aside from that, if he’s over 18, he would have to call us himself.”

Grandma: “But he’s gay!”

Me: “And that’s not a reason for disability.”

Grandma: “It is for me!”

(I work for a disability lawyer, and we hear some interesting reasons for why people believe they should get disability. One afternoon, an elderly woman comes in with her two grandsons.)

Grandma: “I need to, uh, talk with someone about disability.”

Me: “I can help you with that!” *pulls out information intake sheet* “What’s your name?”

Grandma: “It’s not for me, though.”

Me: “Oh! Okay, who is it for?”

Grandma: “It’s for my grandson. He’s gay.”

Me: “Okay…” *looks at the two guys with her, since both are clearly over 21 and considered a legal adult* “Which one…?”

Grandma: “Oh, he’s not here. He won’t come out of his room. He’s gay. He doesn’t want to talk to us or anything.”

Me: “I see. Well, being gay isn’t a disability. Aside from that, if he’s over 18, he would have to call us himself.”

Grandma: “But he’s gay!”

Me: “And that’s not a reason for disability.”

Grandma: “It is for me!”

(My boss and I are having a discussion about an old house that is across the street from where he lives, and how he wishes he could buy it since it was once a beautiful two-storied Victorian home. As we’re talking, the phone rings, and as the receptionist, it’s my job to answer. I’m still talking with him as I pick the phone up.)

Me: “They might have to condemn it.” *on phone* [Law Office], how can I help you?”

Client: “Did you just curse at me?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Client: “You did! You just cursed at me! I heard you! You said “damn it” to me. I will not be talked to like that. I demand to speak to [Lawyer] right now!”

Me: “Sir, I didn’t say anything of the like. I was talking about—”

Client: “I heard what you said. I can’t believe you’d say something that horrible over the phone. I want to talk to [Lawyer] RIGHT NOW!”

(I put the client on phone and hand the phone over to my boss, the lawyer, and tell him what just happened.)

Lawyer: *picking up the phone* “Who is this…? Right. Mr. [Client], stop being an a** to my receptionist, d*** it. Now, there, it was said to you. What are you going to do? Nothing? Thought not. Call like that again, and I’ll drop your case.”

(Apparently, this client was always using some rude excuse to talk to the lawyer, just so he could complain. It wasn’t shortly after that he got dropped, because he was calling to harass the legal secretary for saying his name wrong once.)

(My work computer crashes because of a power failure. The power is restored within a few minutes, but when I log into my computer, I notice that my computer clock is about forty minutes slow, so I send an email to our tech guy.)

My Email: “Following this morning’s outage, my computer clock is off and won’t let me reset it. No big deal but if you can try to fix it when you have a chance I’d appreciate it.”

Tech Guy’s Email: “I’m busy right now, sorry, but I’ll look into it when I can.”

(I know our tech guy is routinely very busy, so I let it go and deal with having a slow clock, knowing he’ll get to it as soon as he can. I come back from a break to see that my clock is now reading the correct time. Having been away from my desk, I don’t know if he fixed it or if the glitch just straightened itself out, so I send him an email to cover both bases.)

My Email: “This appears to have been fixed. If you fixed it, thank you. If not, you don’t need to worry about it anymore.”

Tech Guy’s Email: “Sure, I fixed it. Let’s go with that!”

(I work in the IT department for a medium-sized law firm. Sometimes our users communicate their issues via IM.)

User: “HELP!”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

User: “I can’t print?”

Me: “Okay, is it just you, or are other people unable to print?”

User: “Nobody can print.”

Me: “What happens when you try?”

User: “It says it needs toner.”

Me: “So, when your car runs out of gas, do you call your mechanic?”