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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 32

| Right | September 23, 2014

Me: “[Client], your bankruptcy has been discharged. Please come by the office to pick up the final paperwork.”

Client: “So all my debt is gone?”

Me: “Correct, sir.”

Client: “So, how long before I can get more credit cards?”

His Assumption Is Not On The Money

| Right | September 15, 2014

(I’m a legal secretary at a law firm, and I answer a call.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Law Firm]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. You guys handle bankruptcies, right?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Caller: “Oh good. So, I think I need to file bankruptcy…”

(The caller explains his financial situation.)

Me: “Okay, I can go ahead and schedule an appointment with an attorney for a free consultation if you’d like.”

Caller: “Yes, let’s do that. I just have a question, though. What would the cost be?”

Me: “It would be [attorney’s fee] plus costs.”

Caller: “And I pay that after it’s all finished, right? I don’t pay anything up front?”

Me: “Actually, you have to pay one-third of the fee up front.”

Caller: “What! But I just explained that I have no money! That’s the whole point! Why do I have to pay up front?”

Me: “Well, because if we allowed that, then clients would just cut and run once the bankruptcy is concluded, and we end up paying the cost of the case ourselves. It’s happened too many times before. It’s just our policy now.”

Caller: *trying to sound sweet* “It’s such a shame that a few bad apples have ruined the process for everyone else.”

Me: “Yes, it really is.”

(Long pause.)

Caller: “So, can I pay after the bankruptcy is concluded?”

Me: “… No.”

Caller: “D*** it! What’s the point?!” *hangs up*

An All Enveloping Problem

, | Working | June 4, 2014

(My father is an attorney, and has hired a new legal secretary. One of the items she has typed up goes to several people at different offices at various addresses. That night my father brings home the envelope and shows it to my mother.)

Father: “What do you see wrong with this envelope?”

Mother: “The secretary put all the names and addresses on ONE envelope!”

Father: “When I questioned her about it, she actually thought the mailman would go to each person’s address and wait for an answer.”

(She didn’t last much beyond that day.)

Board Of Mistrustees

| Right | May 21, 2014

(I am interning at a business and working reception. A customer calls, wanting the information of a man who used to work there.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Business]. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I need the contact information for [Name]. It’s very important.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can’t give out the information of people who no longer work here.”

Customer: “But I just need his information. It’s very important.”

Me: “We are no longer affiliated with [Name] and cannot give out his information. You could try looking online.”

(This back and forth goes on for some time with me trying to explain that we can’t just give out people’s personal info.)

Customer: “Why aren’t you answering my question!? I’m reporting you to the board of trustees! What is your name?”

Me: “My Name is [My Name] and you can do that if you wish.”

(She then hangs up. As far as I know we don’t have a board of trustees and I’m a six week intern from out of the country so I’m not sure what she was hoping to accomplish…)

Infernal Internal Error

| Working | May 21, 2014

(My coworker gets an email from our office supply rep.)

Email: “Dear [Coworker],

Thanks for being a jerk.

Sincerely,

[Office Supply Rep].”

Coworker: “What did I do?”

(An hour or so later…)

Email: “I apologize if you recently received an email from me. This was an internal error. The problem has been resolved.”