Getting Lawyered By Both Lawyers

| VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

Caller: “Hi, I’m the plaintiff in a lawsuit against [Our Client]. My lawyers want to charge me a lot of money, so I was wondering if you would be my lawyers instead.”

Me: “I’m… I’m sorry, are you asking us to represent you against our own client?”

Caller: “Yeah, because then you wouldn’t have to charge me any money, right? Since you’re already getting paid to do all the work by [Our Client]?”

Me: “Okay, first of all, that’s not how it works. At all. Second, we’d be sanctioned for ethics violations just for suggesting it.”

Caller: “What the f***?! My lawyer was right. You guys are a bunch of a**holes.” *click*

(Three minutes later, his lawyer calls.)

Lawyer: “Did you just offer to represent [Caller] for free?”

Me: “No, we turned him down because, as you apparently told him, we’re a bunch of a**-holes.”

Lawyer: “He said what?! Hang on.” *speaking to someone else with his hand covering the phone* “[Caller], I’m resigning as your counsel. Get the f*** out of my office.” *back to me* “I’ll be in touch about this later.” *click*

No Money, More Problems

| Washington, DC, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a law office that represents banks in their dealings with the SEC, Federal Reserve, FDIC, etc.)

Caller: “I need bankruptcy help!”

Me: “We represent banks in their dealings with federal and state regulators.”

Caller: “I need to file bankruptcy!”

Me: “We don’t do that here.”

Caller: “Well, who does?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir.”

Caller: “Let me talk to the lawyer. He knows.”

Me: “We don’t do that sort of work, sir. We can’t help you.”

Caller: “I’ll tell everyone about you! I’ll tell your boss you’re not helping me! You’re supposed to help me! It’s in the Hippocratic Oath!”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.” *hang up*

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 32

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “[Client], your bankruptcy has been discharged. Please come by the office to pick up the final paperwork.”

Client: “So all my debt is gone?”

Me: “Correct, sir.”

Client: “So, how long before I can get more credit cards?”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 30
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 29
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25