I’ve worked a lot of retail jobs and therefore have had a lot of last days where I could have potentially gotten away with saying something to a deserving customer that I normally would have held back because ‘customer service.’ Sadly, every last day I have had hasn’t presented that opportunity to me… until now. 

I’m folding shirts near the fitting rooms on my last day at the clothing shop when a man comes out wearing a dress shirt from our rack, clearly annoyed.

Customer: “This says ‘slim fit,’ but it’s tight through the chest.”

Me: “Slim fit tends to taper more through the torso. We’ve got a regular fit version of that same style if you’d like to compare.”

Customer: “No, the label’s wrong. This is mislabelled. I’ve worn a large for twenty years.”

Me: “Yes, sir, but sizing can vary a bit depending on brand and cut.”

Customer: “No, I know my size. Shirts don’t just stop fitting.”

Me: “Actually, they can, especially if the brand updated their sizing chart.”

Customer: “Or maybe your company just doesn’t know how to make clothes properly! Then again, I don’t know what else to expect from your brain-rot generation these days… you’re running once-proud companies into the ground!”

He says this while clearly straining the buttons on the shirt.

Me: “Sir, I can assure you the label’s accurate; the question is whether it still applies.”

Customer: “Are you calling me fat?!”

Me: “No, sir, but maybe you’ve moved up a generation?”

Manager was called, an XL was suggested (fit him just fine), and I got a slap on the wrist before we all drank at my leaving party that night.

I work in a community recreation centre. I’m manning the front desk with my manager, who is working her last day. A woman approaches with a reusable water bottle and starts speaking to the manager with a sour tone.

Customer: “Excuse me, I just tried the water fountain near the yoga room and the water tastes… metallic.”

Manager: “Oh, yeah, that one’s connected to the older plumbing line. Still safe to drink, just not filtered like the bottle-filling station over here.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not acceptable. I shouldn’t have to hunt for decent water in a facility I pay for!”

Manager: “We do recommend using the filling stations, especially since they’re filtered and chilled.”

Customer: “Then why even have that nasty one working? You should shut it down if it’s not perfect.”

Manager: “We keep it for emergencies or if the others are in use.”

Customer: “It’s just lazy.”

She gestures to her spotless, logo-covered stainless steel bottle.

Manager: “Looks like you survived the ordeal. Let me know if you need a medal or a refill.”

Got to love a last-day comment with no consequences!

It’s the last day of school at the school I’ve been teaching at for over fifteen years now. Every year up till this one, the last two days of school have been reserved for finals, and students can be exempt from their finals if they meet grade, attendance, and disciplinary expectations. Work hard, take care of business, and you get to start summer vacation a bit early.

This year, for some unknown reason, the Geniuses In Charge decided that we would instead do our finals on the two days before the last day, and then the last day of school was going to be turning in Chromebooks and Student Council hosting a dodgeball tournament (cancelled for lack of participation… can’t imagine why no one wanted to pay to sign up for this…). In the two weeks leading up to the day, many kids were asking what, exactly, the punishment would be if they just… didn’t show up after lunch, and the answer was “nothing, but it’s probably best if you have a parent call you out.”

Out of eleven students who were supposed to be in my afternoon time-wasting session, two showed up, and one of them asked if he could go hang out with his friends in another class. This left me with ONE student.

Student: “How long are we here for?”

Me: “Until 3:45. It’s a normal day.”

Student: “Seriously? But I don’t even have my Chromebook!”

Me: “Seriously. Go ahead and play on your phone, no one cares, if you need a charger, I have one you can borrow.”

After about an hour and a half:

Student: “Can I call my mom to come get me?”

Me: “Please do. This is such a waste of time.”

Meanwhile, the teacher group chat:

Teacher A: “I need Teacher B to come to the office with all her belongings; her mom is here to pick her up.”

Teacher C: “Can someone call me out?”

Me: “I’ll call for you if you call for me!”

It is my last shift at my airport restaurant. The shift was a complete mess. Several staff members and another manager called in sick, so we’re seriously short-staffed. Then a couple of the big flights got delayed, so we were stupidly busy.

I was running between stations, trying to keep everything close to functioning, and I’d just finished a stint on the bar taking orders when one of the floor guys told me there was an issue with a customer and they wanted to speak to the manager.

I went over and he was kicking off about his food not having arrived:

Customer: “Where’s my fish and chips? I ordered fish and chips, and I want it now!”

I’d served him. He was rude at the bar, so I remembered him, and I knew he’d only ordered about ten minutes beforehand and had been told there was about a half hour wait on food. Normally, I’d deal with a situation like this calmly and politely, but as I said, it was my last shift.

Me: “Certainly, sir, I can get that for you.”

I went into the kitchen and plated up frozen fish, frozen chips, and frozen peas. I took the plate out to him and said:

Me: “Here’s your fish and chips… and if you want it f****** cooked, you can wait the full half hour I told you it would be when I served you!”

He was not a happy bunny, and started shouting that he was going to report me to my head office and get me fired

I just smiled.

Me: “You’d best be quick; I cease working for this company in less than two hours.”

I worked for a corporation for six years in a sort of executive assistant capacity. My boss for most of that time was great, but when he died unexpectedly, the company was unsure what to do with me. They decided to move me to work for another partner who’d had trouble keeping assistants. I’d heard he was difficult to work for but thought it was better than being jobless, so I accepted.

I worked for this guy for a year and let’s just say that he was a nightmare. He was mean, shady, and disorganized, he lied all the time about everything, and he avoided people, including his fellow partners. He would routinely make me stay until 11:00 pm for no reason other than that he needed to fax something he was working on and couldn’t operate the fax machine.

Everyone in the place hated the guy and his passive-aggressive, shady ways. Our working relationship was really disintegrating due to his ways and my being totally fed up with lying for him.

I hated it there and found a new job across town at a big agency. I found out I’d gotten the job on a Wednesday, and it was to start two weeks from Monday, so I planned to hand my notice in on Friday, work my two-week notice, and then start the new job. I was elated to be getting away from the idiot.

On Thursday, the day before handing in my notice, the idiot boss guy called me into his office, and in his passive-aggressive, faux-concerned monotone, he told me:

Boss: “We have to let you go. I don’t need an assistant, really. And we’re not firing you; it’s just a supply-and-demand thing.”

He told me they were giving me $10,000 in severance pay. Also, I’d have to leave that day, although they’d pay me until the end of the month. (This was policy there.)

It was the best day ever. I was ready to hand in my notice the next day, and here I was being laid off AND given a check for ten grand. One day later, they wouldn’t have had to bother.

I was packing up my stuff to leave, totally shell-shocked (in a good way), when the boss stopped by my desk, all victorious-looking, to wish me luck (i.e., gloat) in finding a new job.

Me: *Excitedly* “Oh, not only do I already have a new job, but I was planning to quit tomorrow! But I’m delighted to now have two weeks of paid extra vacation before starting — and a nice check to boot.”

The look on his face was just… Let’s just say if you could bottle that and save it to relive over and over again, I would.

It was glorious.