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Flying With Captain Obvious  

, , , , | Right | September 20, 2019

(I am a flight attendant. We always get some weirdos at work, but this one conversation recently has particularly stuck with me. Context: we are boarding a flight to Baltimore, and we have assigned seats.)

Passenger: “Hey, can we just sit anywhere?”

Me: “No, sir, it’s assigned seating! Your seat is printed on your boarding pass.”

Coworker: “The seat number is in the bottom right corner.”

Passenger: “Yeah, I saw it.”

Coworker & Me: *internally screaming*

Sometimes You Just Have To Say “F*** It”

, , , , , , | Right | August 30, 2019

(I work in a grocery store deli. I have a new coworker who is from Poland and has a strong accent. I walk into work one day when an angry customer is giving him a hard time and I decide to step in. I am Caucasian but very tan.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Is there something wrong?”

Customer: *notices my tan* “Oh, great. Now a Mexican! Does this place only hire immigrants?! I can’t f****** understand this Russian. I want macaroni salad. Did anyone teach you what that is in Mexico, you [racial slur]?!”

Me: *blank stare* “I’m from Idaho, you f****** idiot.” 

(Just one mildly annoying HR meeting and I managed to keep my job, and I earned a splendid high-five from my coworker.)

He’s Plugged His Brain Into Itself

, , , , | Right | August 28, 2019

(I am taking a room payment through fax for a guest. I have faxed the required paperwork that needs to be filled out and I am waiting for the return fax. The person sending the fax calls me.)

Guest: “Did you receive that fax?”

Me: “No, not yet.”

Guest: “When I send it I get a busy signal.”

Me: “I am not sure why that would happen. We have not received any faxes.”

Guest: “I also notice that your number is the same area code as mine. It is a California number. Why would that be if you are in Las Vegas?”

Me: “Sir, are you sending that fax to your own number? I wrote it on the cover sheets as the destination. Our number is listed in the paperwork instructions and as the sender on the cover letter I sent you.”

Guest: “So, I can’t send it to my number?”

Me: “No, you have to send it to our number. It works like a phone. You cannot call someone else by dialing the number you are calling from. It just doesn’t work that way.”

“Use The Force, Harry,” Said Gandalf

, , , , , , | Related | August 16, 2019

(My older brother decides we are going to watch a movie one afternoon, and my mom shouts down the hall to invite my younger brother.)

Mom: “We’re getting ready to watch a Star Trek movie, if you want to join.”

Younger Brother: “Which one?”

Me: *walking past his room* “The one where The Doctor takes the One Ring to the planet Hoth because Professor Xavier told him to.”

Younger Brother: “Which one is that? Can’t you give me the title, instead?”

A Gift Card That’s A Real Gift

, , , , , , | Hopeless | May 31, 2019

A few years ago, I went to a large software conference. One of the vendors invited about 50 of us to go to a local fast food restaurant. In order to expedite things, they gave us each a $10 gift card — a typical meal here would be $6-$8. While we were outside waiting for the rest of the group, a panhandler approached us and asked for money for food.

My coworker and I said we’d be happy to give him the remainder on the gift cards after we ordered. A couple of other people in our line overheard me and offered the same.

Pretty soon, the word had made it through every person in line. As we all handed the gift cards to the guy, he was literally dancing, saying he didn’t have to worry about food for the rest of the week.