Practicing Becoming An Old Bag

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2018

(I work for a store in a well-known chain of drug stores. I am working the front register when a customer comes up and puts down a small bag of nuts and a drink. I have a habit of asking if they would like a bag if their purchase is small or it looks like it will be eaten right away. I ask because we don’t have small bags, just the regular-sized grocery bags. Most customers don’t want to deal with a bag in this situation.)

Me: “Would you like a bag for this?”

Customer: “Well, it’s more than one item, so yeah. Wouldn’t you say?”

Me: *smiles, thinking she’s joking* “You don’t have to have one; it’s really up to you.”

Customer: *straight-faced* “No, it’s not. It’s your job.”

(I bag her items, a little stunned. I’d never had anyone demand a bag.)

Me: “Here you go. Have a nice day!”

Customer: *takes her bag and leaves without saying a word*

(I found out later that the same customer called to complain about me, and claimed I refused to give her a bag. My manager is cool and just laughed it off. I wonder what that customer would do in places like California where, due to a ban on plastic bags, they don’t ever give you a bag!)

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Which One Is Your Number Two?

, , , , | Right | September 26, 2018

I work in a midway arcade. Most of the time, I get assigned to run a game booth, and a few times I have had to run the treasury where you redeem tickets.

This night I am sent to Viking, a water gun racing game. I have to kick the foot pedal in front of the gun that’s being used, then press a button to turn on the water. The water is sprayed into a target, and little viking ships come down.

It’s a pretty easy game, and usually not too much hassle. Among our prizes are emoji pillows, including poop ones and yellow faces with various expressions. I do get the best laugh from a really corny joke. A woman plays twice with her son. The boy gets a yellow face, and she takes a poop emoji.

After second game, she says to me, “I can’t wait to sleep on my piece of s*** tonight! Not my husband, my pillow.”

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Stay Around For The Tail-End Of This Story

, , , , , , | Right | September 26, 2018

(I work as a groomer in a large pet retail store that also offers grooming services. One day, a woman comes in with a Pomeranian. She shows me a picture of the same dog with a slightly different cut.)

Customer: “I want my dog to look like this but with two differences: don’t touch the feet — I like the ‘Grinch’ feet — and don’t touch the mane.”

(The cut is very simple so I agree. We fill out the paperwork with the exact details, and she signs it and leaves. When the dog is done, I call her. She returns, and has obviously been to the gym because her hands are taped up like a boxer. I go to get the dog, and as I am walking out, I notice that there is a small patch of stray hairs that I missed when trimming his tail. This happens from time to time and is a simple fix.)

Me: *to my coworker* “Hey, can you get these stray hairs I missed on his tail while I hold him?”

Customer: *in an inhumanly high-pitched voice* “WHAT THE F***?! WHAAAAAT THE F***!? HOW COULD YOU CUT HIS TAIL?”

Me: “Ma’am, the instructions sa—”

(She starts clenching her taped-up hands and shaking them.)

Customer: *not so high-pitched or crazed* “How could you… Wh… Wh… Why would you cut his tail?”

Me: “I’m sorry; it is standard practice unless we are specifically asked not to.”

Coworker: “Pomeranians usually have their tails trimmed during grooming.”

Customer: “But he’s not an ordinary dog, and we have pictures tomorrow. Now we can’t…” *again with the banshee scream* “WHAT THE F***?! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. I… CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!”

(This goes on for several minutes and by this time, it has drawn a crowd of people from all over the store to stare through the glass doors and see what’s going on. My coworker and I finally calm her down and she leaves. We are both dumbstruck and start discussing it. I have my back to the door.)

Coworker: “She’s coming back.”

Me: “Don’t even try—”

Coworker: “No, I’m serious. She’s coming back.”

(I prepare myself and turn around as the customer is walking in. I don’t even get a word out.)

Customer: *extremely happy and friendly* “Other than the tail, you did a great job!”

(She puts a $20 tip on the counter and walks out.)

Me: “Whatever she took when she went out to her car, I want some.”

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They Undertook The Precept To Refrain From Incorrect Speech

, , , , , , | Right | July 28, 2018

(I work in an alternative book store at the end of a long strip mall. There’s actually another book store five doors down, but they are a Christian bookstore so we don’t have much to compete over. Occasionally we get customers from the other store walking in because they were not paying attention and get confused — or offended — by our products. The store is heavily decorated with draped fabric making it kind of dark inside. One day I see a car pull up front and drop off a cute little old lady, complete with short, curly, white hair and a pink pantsuit. The car immediately drives off as soon as she closes the door, and she wanders into our store while looking through her purse.)

Lady: *still looking in her purse* “Hello, dearie, can you help me return this book? It doesn’t have the right plants. My, it is dark in here! You should tell your manager to fix those lights; it’s not good for your eyes to be in the dark all the time!”

(She pulls out a book about “gardening with the Lord” and sets the book, with a receipt, on the counter. I can also see a gold cross on her necklace.)

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but I believe you are actually looking for [Christian Store] a few doors down.”

Lady: “Oh? Am I in the wrong store again?”

(She takes a moment to pull a pair of glasses out of her purse and puts them on before looking around.)

Lady: “Oh! You’re right; this isn’t [Christian Store]! No wonder it’s so dark in here; what an interesting place! What is this store?”

Me: “This is [Alternative Bookstore], ma’am. We specialize in books, supplies, and some knick-knacks, for a variety of religions and spiritualists.”

Lady: “Do you sell books on witchcraft?!”

(As she says this, she looks shocked and holds her hand up to her little gold cross. I brace for the usual shouting as I reply:)

Me: “Yes, ma’am. We do sell books about Wicca, along with books on a wide variety of religions, such as Buddhism and Asatru.”

(For a moment she just stares at me like I slapped her, and very slowly turns around again to look at the store. She is quiet for so long that I begin to worry about her health. Then she turns back to me, all smiles, as if nothing is wrong.)

Lady: “I’ve always wondered what people meant by those words. What is ‘Wicca’? Or that ‘bood-ish’ thing you said? Oh, can you show me any books on gardening?!”

(She was perfectly cheerful, and wandered all over the store asking a thousand questions about everything she could. Since we were slow, I was happy to talk with her and even helped her find a book on planting healing herbs. She kept looking at everything with an expression of amazement I usually only see on children. I checked her out once she decided she had had enough looking around, and we chatted for a few minutes. Apparently the car that had dropped her off belonged to her granddaughter, who dropped her off at the mall once a week, as she couldn’t drive herself, so that she could spend time in the Christian bookstore down the way. And, as her family was all very religious, she had no idea there were so many different beliefs out in the world. She left, happy, and has become my favorite regular, visiting the store every other week, and is still perfectly happy with her beliefs, but loves to talk with me about absolutely everything.)

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Losing A Handle On Your Handle Time

, , , , | Right | July 18, 2018

(I work in online chat support for a famous gaming and console company. We can do many things on chat, from sending you a password reset email, to light tech support and troubleshooting for your console, and setting you up for service if need be. We take two chats at a time to help as many people as possible. In this particular story, I am assisting with a refund. Generally, things go well, but when consumers are angry, they are hellions.)

Me: “Thank you for contacting [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?”

Consumer: “Refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear you’re having an issue with your account; I’ll be happy to assist you with that. May I have the email, username, and first and last name of the exact account that you need assistance with?”

Consumer: “Oh, I don’t have an account; it’s my son’s account. He used my credit card and bought some game. I want the charge reversed, now.”

Me: “I understand, and I’ll be more than happy to assist you with that, but I need the account information. That way I can find the charge.”

(She doesn’t know the information offhand, and we dance around for ten minutes while she figures it out. She’s upset, but she’s being pleasant and I’m doing my best to help her. She finally gets the info, I see the charge, and I check our guidelines to make sure it qualifies.)

Me: “Thank you so much for your patience. According to our terms of service, all sales are final, but I am going to submit this to our refund specialists as a one-time gesture of goodwill. Refunds take three to five business days to process, and the funds will be returned to your son’s online account if approved. Your case number is [number]. Is there anything else I can assist you with today?”

Consumer: “I want to speak to your supervisor.”

Me: *confused, because I just approved the refund, I check over my previous message to make sure I didn’t leave anything out* “My apologies. I’m going to submit this to our refund specialists, and I’ll make sure I notate this thoroughly to do everything I can to make sure it’s approved by them. May I ask why you would like to speak to the supervisor? That way I can let them know what’s going on.”

Consumer: “No, I want your supervisor now! You can’t help me with my request, anyway!”

Me: “Okay, I can transfer you, but it may take a few minutes because my supervisor is currently helping someone. I may be able to fulfill this request. We are able to help with most things over chat. This will save you some time.”

Consumer: “I don’t care how long it takes. I want your supervisor, because you can’t help me. SUPERVISOR, NOW!”

Me: “Not a problem. I am transferring you; my supervisor will be with you as soon as he is available.”

(I start helping my other consumer. The chat window for a person who is being transferred doesn’t disappear until the supervisor accepts the chat, and we can continue talking to people until they have been accepted by the supervisor. My escalation is waiting patiently, but it is taking the supervisor a long time to accept her chat. Every ten minutes she asks if I’m still there and what’s happening, and I apologize and say the supervisor will be with her as soon as possible. After about thirty minutes, she seems to have calmed down.)

Consumer: “This is taking a long time.”

Me: “I truly apologize for the wait; unfortunately, my supervisor is still helping someone. If I may ask why you would like to speak to him, I can see if I can help.”

Consumer: “Well, I want the money to go back to my credit card. My son doesn’t deserve the money after spending it without permission.”

Me: “Oh! I understand. I can request that the funds are sent back to your card and not back to his account! I do have to advise that it still takes three to five business days for us to process the refund, and if approved, it may take up to two billing cycles for the funds to be sent to your card from your bank. I can definitely request that the funds are sent to your card, though!”

Consumer: “No, it’s okay. I want the supervisor, still.”

Me: “No problem. He’ll be with you as soon as he is available.”

(After that she waited another ten minutes, then got transferred. I checked back in with that case to see how the supervisor handled it. She told him what she wanted, and he requested the refund was sent to her card. I could’ve easily done this and saved us an hour of our time, but no, she just needed a supervisor, and she just had to kill my handle time. I have many stories from this job that I’ll probably submit. It can be such a cool and gratifying job, but when it’s not, it’ll make sure you die at 25 from high blood pressure.)

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