Unfiltered Story #181143

, , , | Unfiltered | December 27, 2019

(My friend who is a grade above me was recently hospitalized with pneumonia. After returning back to school some weeks after treatment and waiting in the locker room for P.E. to end, she complains that she still is bothered by the infection)

Friend: *coughs*

Me: Still bugging you?

Friend: Yeah, my lungs are hurting me. *Points to side below her breast*

Me: *confused* You said your lungs are bothering you?

Friend: That’s what I just said. *Points to same spot*

Me: (Friend’s name) Your lungs are up here *Points to the right spot*

Friend: *Looks at me wide-eyed* It’s not here. *Points to same spot again*

(I shook my head…then I burst out laughing. I teased her about that for quite a while.)

Santa Versus Karen

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 24, 2019

(It is around the holiday season. I’m at the mall, and you can imagine that it’s pretty packed with a bunch of people doing some last-minute shopping. I am roaming around the parking lot and can’t find any free spots for a good thirty minutes. Lo and behold, I see a large SUV backing out of a parking spot. In my wimpy Civic, I turn my clicker on to signal that I’m claiming this spot. As soon as the SUV completely backs out, I swerve in fast before anyone can see the empty spot. Of course, as I’m about to turn my car off, some Karen lady comes up to me with her car right behind mine.)

The Karen: “You took my spot!”

Me: “But you were nowhere in sight when I was waiting for it!”

(She keeps yelling and I honestly don’t have time for her bulls***.)

Me: “It’s the holiday season and I’m literally going to be in and out of the store; this isn’t something to be arguing about.”

The Karen: “That wasn’t the point of coming to you! You get out of the parking spot or else I’ll call security to remove your car!”

Me: “Maybe you should call Santa and his reindeers to hitch my car out of the spot.” *locks the door and walks away*

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Unfiltered Story #179129

, , , | Unfiltered | December 9, 2019

(I’m sitting at the front of a double decker bus just staring outside. This was my first time riding on one of these, so I decide to make the most out of the experience.)

Man: So are you a VIP?

(I turn in the direction of the voice, startled, since I was the only one on the top part of the bus. Also, I’m not used to having strangers talk to me.)

Me: Oh…um…no.

(The man takes a seat across from me and as he sits down, I decide to take off my ear buds I had on earlier for listening to my music just in case he tries to talk to me so that I don’t appear rude.)

Man: So where are you going? (I immediately stiffen)

Me: Um…what? Oh I’m going to school.

(I wasn’t lying but I wasn’t going to say the name of the college I was going to either.)

Man: Are you going to art school?

Me: No…

Man: I speak 11 languages and I can write in 9 of them.

Me: (nodding my head, a little confused) That’s cool.

Man: Looking at you, I can tell you’re a pretty smart kid.

Me: Oh, thank you.

Man: So what are you studying?

Me: (I can’t think of a lie so I end up telling him upfront) Sir, to be honest with you, I don’t tell people what I study or what I do for that matter. But out of curiosity, what languages do you speak? (I mentally cringe because I know I made a stupid mistake)

Man: (stares at me)…You’re a sick woman, you know that?

Me: (I stare at him, perplexed)

Man: You’re a sick woman. (Repeats several times before making a phone call)

(Over the phone)
Man: Yeah…yeah…these bus patrons are very rude…So how’s the baby going along…10 days…ohhh…I hope it is a baby boy because if it is a baby girl, I’ll send her in a box for thirty cents in pennies…Ok…

(Once he finishes his call, he falls asleep)

*By the time I got off the bus, I was really questioning if I actually went through all that and heard everything on the phone correctly.

**To this day, my mom still teases me about riding double decker buses.

The Teacher Can Monitor All Of You

, , , , , | Learning | November 24, 2019

(I am in a computer science class where we aren’t allowed to log in until the teacher says so. The teacher can see everyone’s screens from her computer.)

Teacher: “[Student #1], log out of your computer.”

Student #1: “I’m not logged in!”

Teacher: “Yes, you are. You just turned the monitor off.”

Student #2: “Ha! She told you!”

Teacher: “[Student #2], log off, as well.”

Student #2: “Oh, you can see that?”

(The class burst out laughing.)

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Is This The Dog Park From Night Vale?

, , , , , , , | Right | October 15, 2019

I decide to take a trip to the dog park with my boyfriend, his brother, and our dogs. As we get there, we enter the small dog section, since our dogs are fairly small.

We’re just walking around looking at other dogs playing with each other when, all of a sudden, we hear a very loud scream from some guy in the big dog section. Apparently, he is fighting with another dog owner, since her dog has been trying to get it on with multiple dogs in the big dog section.

This argument goes on for a while and each party seems to be saying some messed up s*** towards each other. I turn around and see all the owners from the small dog section huddling towards the gate like a flock of pigeons looking over to see what the two are fighting about.

This fight legit goes on for fifteen minutes and it goes nowhere, until I hear one elderly man go over to his other friend that’s still invested in the people fighting and tells him that this is such bulls*** and a waste of time, and there are more exciting things in life. Then, he says, “Here, let me give you some Viagra.”

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