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Y, What Were You Thinking?

, , , , , | Learning | August 23, 2017

(My AP World History teacher is starting to teach my class how to appropriately respond to our DBQs (Document-Based Question). Specifically, he wants us to be able to give evidence in our writing. To simplify this task in our heads, he cites an example using his gender.)

Teacher: “For example; if I wanted to say I was a male. I would say something like “’I am a male because I have…”

Class: *stunned silence*

Teacher: “…a Y chromosome.’”

Class: *sigh of relief*

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Fast(Food) Becoming A Problem

, , , , , | Working | June 28, 2017

(I very rarely hit up fast food restaurants as I don’t care for their food. I had to rush out the door this morning, though, and decide to grab some breakfast as I have a long day ahead of me.)

Me: “Hello! Can I get a number 10, the two-sausage breakfast burritos, please?”

Worker: “A number 2? Okay.”

Me: “No, sorry, a number 10.”

Worker: “Oh. Okay. We have ranch, bbq, and honey mustard. What kind of sauce would you like?”

Me: “For the burritos? Hot sauce, if you have any.”

Worker: “Hot or mild?”

Me: “Hot, please.”

Worker: “Mild?”

Me: *just wanting to get out of here at this point* “Mild is fine.”

Worker: “What to drink?”

Me: “An iced coffee with sugar free vanilla, please.”

Worker: “A caramel coffee. Anything else?”

Me: “No, sorry, an iced coffee with sugar free vanilla… That’s everything.”

Worker: “Okay, your total is [amount much higher than the menu price].”

Me: *hits head on steering wheel*

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Digital Video Dumdums

, , , , , | Right | May 29, 2017

(I used to work for a relatively popular video rental chain prior to it going out of business. I am pulling up my own account to see if I am about to have an overdue rental of my own. A customer in her late-40s or early-50s has been browsing the rentals.)

Customer: *approaches my coworker with a sealed new movie* “Hi, I’d like to buy this.”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, no problem. Just to let you know, we do have extremely high-quality used versions of this exact movie, and for what you’re paying for it new, you could get three used movies.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t buy used movies.”

Coworker: “That’s understandable. Sometimes the quality of the DVD isn’t what you’d hoped, scratches, yadda ya.”

Customer: “Oh, no, not that. I just don’t want my DVD player to get a virus.”

(At this point, I stop what I’m doing, because I cannot possibly have heard that. I turn my head just a bit to look at her. Customer has the most serious expression I’ve ever seen, and my coworker is currently trying to see if she’s being legitimate.)

Coworker: “DVD… viruses?”

Customer: “Yes, like computer viruses. You don’t know what sort of nastiness people let get into their DVD player, and I don’t want mine getting corrupted by anything!”

(At this point, I have to turn away from the register I’m on, because I’m about to start chuckling, and I would prefer not to be rude. I busy myself with the rental drop box while my coworker continues the struggle.)

Coworker: “…absolutely, ma’am. Those DVD viruses can be an absolute hassle, and you’re doing well to keep yourself protected.”

(He finishes ringing her up as I finally get myself in check.)

Coworker: “You have a wonderful day, ma’am.”

Customer: “You too, young man!”

(She leaves. We just look at each other.)

Me: “If I hadn’t been here, I’d never believe this.”

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Made Contact With The X-Men

, , , , | Working | April 14, 2015

(My coworker has run out of his regular contacts and my boss has allowed him to wear his Halloween contacts at work today, which means he has red irises. None of the customers comment on it until one woman’s eight-year-old son notices them.)

Boy: “What’s wrong with your eyes?”

Coworker: *without missing a beat, dead serious* “Did you ever see the movie X-Men?”

Boy: *gasps* “NO. WAY!”

(The mom and I couldn’t stop laughing while I rang them up.)

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Her Rules Of Thumb Suck

, , , , , | Related | May 29, 2013

(I am three years old. I have a really bad cold that is keeping me from sucking on my thumb to sleep. I go downstairs to cry to my mom.)

Me: “Mommy, I can’t suck my thumb!”

Mom: *sarcastic* “Just stick it in your ear.”

(I put my thumb in my ear.)

Me: “It’s not working!”

(My mom had to leave the room so I that I didn’t see her laugh.)

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