How Em-Bra-assing, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | September 29, 2017

(I am a teenager, working at a local full-service gas station. When someone gets fuel, we wash windows as well as check their oil if they want. One day, a woman in her early to mid-20s comes in. She is gorgeous and I have a serious crush on her. Important to note, her car has a car-bra on it.)

Me: “Hi there. How are you today?”

Customer: “Good, thank you. Fill it up and check the oil, please.”

Me: “Sure thing, but I’ll need you to remove your bra, please.”

(Immediately after I say this, I realize what it sounded like. My face goes red and hot.)

Customer: *laughing* “I don’t think I need my oil checked that bad.”

Me: *flustered* “Oh, no, I am so sorry. I mean your car-bra! Oh, my, I am so sorry!”

Customer: *laughing* “Oh, I know what you meant;  I just wanted to have some fun with you.”

(And that is how I completely embarrassed myself in front of a hot older woman.)

Well Done On Getting It Well Done

, , , , | Working | September 26, 2017

(My family is on holiday. We decide to have breakfast at the hotel restaurant. As English is not the native language there, we have a few communication issues. This is the funniest.)

Mum: *hailing a waiter* “Hi, can I have an egg well-done?”

Waiter #1: “Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am!”

(He walks off with a big smile, and a few minutes later, the egg hasn’t arrived. My mum hails another waiter.)

Mum: “Hi, can I have an egg well-done?”

Waiter #2: “Thank you very much, ma’am!”

(Before he walks off, my mum decides to ask.)

Mum: “So, how long do I have to wait?”

Waiter #2: “Sorry? Wait?”

Mum: “When can I get my egg?”

Waiter #2: “You want an egg, ma’am?”

Mum: “Yes, a well-done egg.”

Waiter #2: “Oh, thank you, ma’am.”

(The light-bulb goes on for my mum.)

Mum: “No, no, your service is good, but what I want is an egg, cooked both sides. No runny yolk.”

Waiter #2: “Yes, ma’am. I’ll get it for you right away.”

(The egg finally came and we realised that the waiters had thought that my mum was complimenting them at first.)

They’re Going To Focus On This; Make No Bones About It

, , , , , | Learning | September 25, 2017

(It’s the end of the day in the four-year-old class, and the kids are pretty much playing at whatever they feel like. One asks me to read her a cute science-y book about skeletons, so I oblige her, and she hops into my lap. This happens as I am reading a page which faces a picture of a jolly-looking skeleton with all the major bones labeled.)

Me: *reading* “’…but your shape can never change, because you have a skeleton inside you.’”

Kid: *pointing at the pelvic bone and shouting* “IS THAT YOUR VAGINA?!”

(Two other kids overhear this and think it is a funny word.)

Other Kids: “VAGINA? VAGINA?”

Me: “…can I please read?”

(I wasn’t going NEAR that one!)

They’re Not Feeling It

, , , | Learning | September 24, 2017

(My teacher likes to try and be “hip” with the kids and uses old lingo.)

Teacher: “It’s all good; do you have your books? No? That’s good; ya feel me?”

Classmate: “Mrs. [Teacher], that’s illegal!”

(That was the end of my teacher using lingo.)

Queen Liver-beth

, , , | Related | September 23, 2017

(This entire conversation, except for one word, takes place in Estonian. My father’s English isn’t very good, but he does know a lot of words.)

Father: “What was the name of the new British prince again?”

Me: “George.”

Father: “Jaws? That’s an odd name for a kid. Wait, is the entire British royalty named after body parts?”

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