Name, Time, And Place

, , , , , , | Healthy | October 2, 2018

(I’ve chipped a tooth. My regular dentist puts a filling in, but recommends a crown as a more stable, long-term repair. Since I already have a rather large cavity and filling in that tooth, they also refer me to an endodontist to see if I’ll need a root canal first. I call their office to set up a consult.)

Receptionist: “Good morning. Thank you for calling [Office].”

Me: “Good morning. I’ve been referred to you by [My Dentist]. I need a consultation to see if a root canal is necessary.”

Receptionist: “Okay, are you a patient of ours?”

Me: “No, I’d be a new patient.”

Receptionist: “Can I have your name?”

(I give my first and last name. My last name is somewhat unusual, and has a lot of letters that sound like other letters, so I always go the extra mile and spell it out using the phonetic alphabet.)

Receptionist: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

Me: *spells it again, still phonetically*

Receptionist: *spells it back, inverting the last two letters*

Me: “No, no.” *spells it out again*

Receptionist: “Oh, okay, no R.” *spells it back incorrectly*

Me: “No, there is an R.” *spells it AGAIN* “It’s like [word], but with an A at the end.”

Receptionist: *finally gets it right* “I’m not finding you in our system.”

Me: “Right, no, I’m a new patient; I’ve just been referred for a consultation.”

Receptionist: “Oh, I’m sorry, okay. I’ll need more information from you, then.”

(We very slowly and carefully go through the rest of my details.)

Receptionist: “And what do you need done?”

Me: “Just a consultation right now. I’m getting a crown, but my dentist would like to see if I should get a root canal first.”

Receptionist: “You need a root canal?”

Me: “No! Just a consultation.”

Receptionist: “Okay, a consultation. When would you like to come in?”

Me: “Anytime Monday is good.”

Receptionist: “We have 3:30 on Monday?”

Me: “Yes, that would be fine.”

Receptionist: “Okay, there’s also 1:50?”

Me: “Um, either one, I guess? 3:30 or 1:50, whichever is more convenient for you.”

Receptionist: “Okay, 1:30 on Monday, then.”

Me: “I’m sorry, 1:30 or 1:50?”

Receptionist: “Yes, 1:50.”

Me: “Great, thank you.”

(I think I’ll show up before 1:30, just to be safe!)

Not What I Fought You Were Saying

, , , , | Right | October 2, 2018

(I work in a DVD store. While I’m stocking shelves one day, two teenagers come in and immediately approach me. I have only been working here for a couple of months, so I’m still not particularly confident or experienced in dealing with unusual requests. Note: here in the UK, some people do not pronounce their “th” sounds correctly, instead pronouncing them as “f.”)

Customer #1: “‘Scuse me, y’got any four films?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer #1: “Four. Four movies.”

Me: “Oh. Are you looking for a box set?”

Customer #1: “A four box set, if you got one.”

Me: “Um… we’ve got The Fantastic Four, if that’s what—”

Customer #1: *now irate* “Nah! Four! The superhero movies!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t—”

Customer #2: *impatient* “He’s looking for Thor. Y’know. Him with the big hammer?”

Me: “Oh, Thor! Yes, we have it right over here…”

(Both of them stared at me like I was a complete moron.)

My Name Is “My Name Is”

, , , , , | Learning | October 2, 2018

(I am in my eighth-grade Spanish class, in our third year of taking it, and we have to give this little “presentation” where we have a conversation with our partner in Spanish, meant to be structured like an interview.)

Student #1: “Hola, me llamo [Student #1].” *Hi, my name is [Student #1].*

Student #2: “Hola, me llamo [Student #2].” *Hi, my name is [Student #2].*

Student #1: “¿Comó te llamas?” *What is your name?*

(The class exploded with laughter. The teacher looked like she wanted to bang her head against the desk.)

Furnishing Their Futures

, , , , | Right | October 1, 2018

(Our government can take money from a customer’s welfare money to pay for child maintenance. It’s usually a nominal charge of a few pounds.)

Caller: *angry and shouting throughout call* “Why am I being charged for children’s furniture?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “You are taking money out of my benefit to pay for furniture. I haven’t had furniture from you and I don’t want to give anything to charity.”

Me: “I am sorry; I don’t know what you’re talking about. We don’t take money for any furniture. Are you sure the charge has come from us? Where have you seen this charge?”

Caller: “It’s on my award letter. You are taking money for a child furniture scheme!”

Me: “No, that’s, ‘child future scheme.’”

Caller: “Oh.” *hangs up*

Wish You Could Just Crawl Into A Hole And Die

, , , , | Right | October 1, 2018

(A young woman walks up to my desk in the bookstore.)

Customer: “Do you have any books on dying naturally?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure we have some in the self-help section. Let me show you.”

(As I’m taking her up to second level of the store, where we keep the non-fiction, I mention:)

Me: “You know, there’s a very interesting website called The Order of the Good Death, if you want to know more about that sort of thing.”

Customer: “Oh, that does sound interesting.”

(She pulls out a pen and paper, asks me to repeat the name, and writes it down.)

Me: “So, on this shelf, we have several books on palliative care and making decisions around the end of life.”

(The customer gives me an odd look.)

Customer: “I was looking for books on dyeing fabric…”

(Understandable mistake, but she must have really wondered why I was telling her about that website.)

Page 5/122First...34567...Last
« Previous
Next »