High! How Are You?

, , , , , | Right | January 25, 2019

(Ringing up a customer:)

Me: “Hi! How are—“

Customer: “Yes, I am.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I am high!”

Well That Conversation Went South

, , | Right | January 25, 2019

(I’m from the South, and I do have an accent. I currently live in the Midwest. Most people who notice just ask what part of the South I’m from.)

Me: “Hi, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: *in a normal voice* “Withdraw $50 from my account.”

Me: “Certainly, and how would you like that back?”

Customer: *smirking, in an exaggerated Southern accent* “Well, I’ll just take two $20s and a $10, yee-haw!”

(I make eye contact and raise an eyebrow at him. He stops smirking and looks away.)

Me: *in the most Southern drawl I can muster* “And I’ve got $20, $40, $50. Is there anything else I can help y’all with?”

Customer: *meekly* “No. Thank you, young lady.”

(He hustles out of the branch. One of my coworkers snorts and starts laughing.)

Superheroes Are So Hot Right Now

, , , , , , | Related | January 25, 2019

(My family is English, but my younger brother married an American and moved to the States. Their kids talk really fast, and with their accents, I sometimes have no idea what they are saying. This is particularly true when they are younger. One of my visits is when my nephew is about six, and he is really into The Avengers. As soon as I arrive from the airport, he takes me into his room to show me his Avengers decor, including a wall decal.)

Nephew: *pointing* “This is Iron Man, and Captain America, and Hulk, and Hot Guy…”

Me: “Who is that?”

Nephew: “Hot Guy.”

Me: “Hot Guy?”

Nephew: “No. Hot Guy.”

Me: “Hot Guy?”

Nephew: “No! Hot Guy!”

(By this point, I am thoroughly confused and know that I am missing something. In my head, I am agreeing with him that the actor is indeed very good looking, but am struggling to get around the idea that a six-year-old boy recognises this.)

Me: “Say it again, but slower this time.”

Nephew: *very slowly, as if explaining something to an idiot* “Haaawwwwkeyyyyeeee.”

(In my defence, I was horribly jet-lagged.)

Captain Janeway Would Not Approve

, , , , | Right | January 24, 2019

(I am taking orders and handing out food in drive-thru.)

Customer: “I’ll have a large, plain iced coffee. With sugar.”

(Plain iced coffees have cream and sugar. Plain just means there’s no flavor. In hindsight, I could have clarified if he wanted ONLY sugar, but we’re busy and I key in a regular, plain iced coffee, since that is technically what he ordered. As I go to hand him his coffee — with obvious cream in it — he gives me a weird look.)

Customer: “Um… can I get this black? With just coffee?”

Me: “So, you want just the ice and coffee?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(It’s not unheard of for customers to change their minds, so I make his coffee with ice and coffee, no cream or sugar, just like he asked for. As I get the rest of his order, I see him take a sip and make a face.)

Customer: “Look, can you put something in this?”

Me: “So, you did want the sugar?”

Customer: “Uh… yeah.”

Me: “Not a problem.”

(He tries to hand me his cup so I can add the sugar. Unfortunately, for sanitary reasons, we’re not allowed to remove lids from customer’s drinks. I ask him to remove the lid so I can add the sugar. Naturally, this is the ONE lid that actually seals properly to the cup so after a few seconds of struggling to remove the lid, he gives up.)

Customer: *rolling his eyes like this is my fault* “Ugh, forget about it.”

(Moral of the story: know what you want and order it consistently. We make what you tell us to make.)

It’s Simply Mierda

, , , , | Learning | January 23, 2019

(I am a high school Spanish teacher. A colleague, who also teaches Spanish, asks me to supervise her class for a moment while she goes to the bathroom. The students are taking a test, and one student decides to see if he can get away with asking me a question about the test content:)

Student: “How do you say ‘simple’ in Spanish?”

Me: “I can’t answer that.”

Student: “S***.”

Me: “I can’t answer that either.”

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