Well, They Have To Teach It Somewhere

, , , , , | Working | March 12, 2018

(I’m driving down to Tennessee to view the 2017 solar eclipse, and I’ve stopped at a hotel in Louisville for the night. When I go to check out, the computer is taking a while to print my receipt, so the clerk is chatting with me while we wait.)

Clerk: “So, where are you from?”

Me: “Lancaster, Pennsylvania.”

Clerk: “Oh, okay. Isn’t there a college there?”

Me: “Yes. F and M.”

Clerk: “S and M?”

Me: *internally giggling* F and M. Franklin and Marshall.”

Clerk: “Oh, yeah. That’s it!”

(I don’t know if he even realized what he had said, but I certainly did!)

A Room To Keep Your Delicates

, , , , , | Right | March 11, 2018

(I’m a babysitter and my latest child, who’s six, likes to hide things. There happens to be a pile of laundry on the sofa.)

Me: “Where are the keys?”

Child: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Keys.”

Child: “Look around.”

(It goes back and forth until…)

Child: “I put it in the panty.”

(I go directly to the clothes pile.)

Child: “Why are you looking in the clothes?”

Me: “All right, which bedroom?”

Child: “I told you, in the panty! Go look in the panty!”

(I go check all the bedrooms, find nothing, and go back downstairs.)

Child: “I told you to look in the panty; you don’t look in panty! Silly!”

Me: “Enough! Just take me there.”

(The child stares at me, then pulls me over to the little room next to the kitchen and opens the door.)

Me: “Oh! You meant ‘pantry’!”

A Fruity Bunch

, , , , | Right | March 10, 2018

(A group of Chinese tourists come into our café. They clearly know each other well. When it comes to names:)

Tourist #1: “Mango.”

Tourist #2: “Apple.”

Tourist #3: “Banana.”

Tourist #4: “Grape.”

Tourist #5: “Strawberry.”

Tourist #6: “Peach.”

(My first thought was they decided to have fun, but given all the lists of weird English names of Chinese people I’ve seen, I have to wonder if those are actually their English names, perhaps picked out together?)

Once You’ve Delivered It You Can’t Un-Deliver It

, , | Right | March 9, 2018

(I’m working customer service for an online store. We ship our parcels by a third-party delivery service called Hermes. I explain this to a customer. I get the following response:)

Customer: “Fine, then deliver the goods by Herpes. Thank you.”

Cultural Stereotypes Are On The Menu

, , , , , | Working | March 8, 2018

My family and I are visiting Europe and Armenia over summer, and while in Vienna, we stop for dinner at a tavern. The waiter brings us the German menu, which is about the size of a ruler, but folds out. The German shouldn’t be a problem since my sister and I both speak German, but since we both learned high German, the menu in Austrian German makes less sense.

We ask the waiter for an English menu, and he goes off to get one. He comes back a few seconds later with a huge menu, complete with pictures and descriptions. We all burst out laughing as the waiter walks off.

I guess they do think Americans are stupid.

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