Not All Nerds Are Made For Nerding Out

, , , , , | | Right | May 3, 2019

(I am a huge nerd and have no problem with nerdy jokes or behaviour! Three young men come to my line. They are more on the nerdy side of the spectrum, and therefore I am genuinely friendly to them. While ringing up the first gentleman, a colleague of mine rushes over to my register, interrupting me with some question, and runs away after getting an answer.)

Me: “Sorry about that. It seems quite a stressful evening for her. Your total is 6.34€, please.”

Nerd: “Oh, my God, I can read you know!” *to the others* “I mean, it’s not like that’s Sanskrit — though I even could read Sanskrit. It is just Latin numbers. I am not a dumb cashier; I can read Latin numbers, you know.”

Me: *a bit taken aback* “Arabic.”

Nerd: “What?”

Me: “Those are Arabic numbers… Just so you know next time, we are not using Latin numbers here… or anywhere, for that matter. It’s Arabic. Would you like to take the receipt with you?”

Nerd: “No, I don’t need that stupid receipt!”

(I proceed to ring up his mates, who are snickering about something. The last one of them takes the receipt, to which [Nerd] rages.)

Nerd: “At least you got your receipt! I wasn’t even asked if I need mine!”

(Luckily, his friends dragged him out of the store. It is a shame; I really thought they were nice people until that.)

It’s ALWAYS Coca-Cola!

, , , | | Right | May 2, 2019

Customer: “I’m not getting much today, since I’ve got a whole case of Mexican coke in my trunk.”

(I assume it’s a joke in poor taste and smile awkwardly.)

Me: “I’m not sure I’d go bragging about that!”

Customer: “Oh… OH! No! I have Coca-Cola!”

A Tale Of No Cities

, , , | Friendly | May 2, 2019

(My mother does a Fulbright year in Germany from 1986-87. My father comes with, as well. His friends who are visiting know no German, however. They are taking a road trip.)

Friend: *trying to sound out signs as they go* “Munchen, 130 km… Benzin… Ausfahrt… Ausfahrt… Ausfahrt…”

(He thinks for several minutes, getting frustrated and checking the glove compartment maps. Finally:)

Friend: “WHERE IS AUSFAHRT? It must be a really big city because there are signs everywhere, but I just can’t find it!”

(My dad starts laughing so hard he nearly crashes, while my mom deadpans:)

Mom: “‘Ausfahrt’ is German for ‘exit.’”

Bear-ly Understand You

, , , , | | Right | April 30, 2019

(I’m working as a cashier at a fast food place.)

Me: “What would you like today?”

Customer: “Bear.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Bear!”

Me: “A hamburger?”

Customer: “Bear, I want the bear!”

(He is looking behind me at the menu sign, so I turn around and follow his gaze, trying to figure out what he means. Nothing could be construed as being “bear.” I grab the large-text paper version of the menu we have and hand it to him.)

Me: “Can you point out what you want to eat?”

(The man shoves the menu back at me, angry.)

Customer: “I want the bear!”

Me: “I really don’t know what you mean, I’m sorry.”

(He storms across the lobby finally, pointing at the display case where we show off the toys that are in the children’s meals. One is a cartoon character who sort of looks bear-like.)

Me: “Oh, you want the children’s menu with a toy?”

Customer: “Yes!”

(He gave me the rest of his order, and I realized he was with a family that was already seated.)

Cor Blimey! What’s He On About?

, , , , , , | Related | April 29, 2019

(I live in Australia. Mum and I are heading overseas soon. Because we’re renting a car, my dad is showing me how to use a device that will jump-start the car.)

Dad: “See, the real benefit here is that you don’t need to rely on strangers or mess around with jumper leads. And you don’t want to be stuck for a long time on the side of the road in another country where you don’t speak the language, do you?”

Me: “Dad, we’re going to England.”

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