That Level Of Grammar Is Criminal

, , , | Right | January 3, 2020

The office where I work deals with mail which is sent to other, bigger companies. One of them is a telecoms provider. Some of the letters sent to those are complaints, in some cases very poorly written or with very outdated or weird ideas. They are sometimes handwritten on stationery paper, implying they are sent by very old-fashioned people. One was very interesting.

The person who sent the letter complained — in poor spelling and grammar — about his television signal, “Somtimes words are much softer as if I em not alloud to hear it. What has gotten in to yong peopel dese days? Find the gilty party!’

Several weeks later, I saw another letter, about someone ending his contract with the telecom provider. I wondered if it was sent by the same person, since the letter said, “My t.v. signal was jammed by computer criminals.”

Whether both letters were from the same client or not, it is interesting to note that some people seem to think that cybercriminals jam your TV signal instead of, like, trying to steal your money.

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A Rollercoaster Of Emotions That Day

, , , , , | Right | January 3, 2020

I have a summer job at an amusement park. I run the controls for an older rollercoaster. It is a normal day; a train has just come in full of guests and I release the locks on the seats so they can get off. As new passengers load, I realize the computer screen has gone to the dreaded “blue screen of death.”

The computer is locked in a cabinet, and I have never had this issue before, so I make an announcement and pull the switch that manually cuts power off to the ride. Then, I make a quick call to maintenance over the walkie talkie. Meanwhile, a group of guests gets upset that the ride is being cut off, refuses to leave the train and go back in line, and have started yelling at and pushing my coworkers. I step out to try to get the other guests away from them. Over the screaming and fighting, I don’t hear maintenance responding on the walkie talkie.

We are still trying to deal with the fight, calm screaming guests, and get other guests away from them when we look over and see several maintenance workers rushing up the path, along with managers, security, and first aid. There is a confused moment where we think they are here to help stop the fight, and they seem panicked and are asking weird questions.

It takes a minute for the misunderstanding to come out. My walkie talkie message, “The rollercoaster’s computer crashed; we need maintenance,” somehow was heard by everyone as just, “The rollercoaster crashed,” with a background of screaming, and no further response. They thought they were dealing with a much different scenario!

Thankfully, security was able to deal with the fighting guests, and we had high-up witnesses to their behavior resulting in a lifetime ban for the fighters. The computer was a simple reboot and maintenance had it running again in fifteen minutes. And, all ride operators were coached to say, “The computer has an error,” from that point on.

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That’s Understood In Any Language

, , , , , | Friendly | January 1, 2020

(I have made friends with a young Thai woman who is staying in America for one year as an au pair. She is still learning English, so as a favor, I install and teach her to use Rosetta Stone for American English on her computer. Today, we are having lunch together in a restaurant and as a joke, I start imitating the voice from Rosetta Stone.)

Friend: *takes a sip of water*

Me: “The girl is drinking.”

Friend: *eats a bite of food*

Me: “The girl is eating.”

Friend: *drinks more water*

Me: “The girl is drinking.”

Friend: “The boy is shut up!”

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Has Trouble Espresso-ing Himself  

, , , , | Right | December 31, 2019

(I’m a month into my new job at the coffee shop when they switch my shift from evenings to mornings. Though no one is ever supposed to be left alone on shift, my coworker runs off to take a personal call pretty early in the shift.)

Me: *seeing a customer approach* “Good morning, sir. What can I get you today?”

Customer: *grumbles something*

Me: “I’m sorry?” 

Customer: *grumbles again, loudly*

Me: *figures it’s a slow morning for him* “I’m so sorry. Would you like coffee?”

(The customer yells, but it’s still unintelligible to me. I feel terrible that I am having such a hard time understanding him. I’m completely at a loss and only fidget nervously. At this point, the customer yells again and raises his walking stick well above my head swiftly and brings it down. I duck behind the counter thinking he is going to strike me. He starts beating the overhead menu board with his cane.)

Me: *looks up* “Double espresso?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “Of course! So sorry again. Coming right up.”

(He only glares at me the rest of the time, grumbling. He orders his drink in a ceramic espresso cup and sits in. My coworker finally comes back as the man is leaving.)

Coworker: “Hey, Al. How’s it going this morning?”

(The customer is grumbling, but they converse briefly and my coworker comes back.)

Me: “Holy cow! I thought he was going to beat me with his walking stick!”

Coworker: “That’s Al. He’s a morning regular, but he hasn’t been able to talk right since his stroke. It’s always a double espresso, for here.”

Me: “Well, thanks for having warned me ahead of time.”

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Technically, That Could Be A Resolution

, , , , , , | Working | December 31, 2019

(A couple of coworkers and I are talking before we clock in this morning. We’re all kind of punchy from the early hour.)

Coworker #1: “Any plans for tonight?”

Me: “No, I work tomorrow morning. Collecting all that time and a half, you know.”

Coworker #2: “I’ve got to start working on my New Year’s revolution.”

Me: “Your what now?!”

Coworker #1: “Do you mean resolution?” *snickers*

Coworker #2: “What did I say?”

Me: “New Year’s revolution.” *giggling* “I honestly like that better than resolution.”

(We were laughing for a good five minutes as we made our way up the elevator. And we’ve been yelling, “VIVA LA REVOLUTION!” when we see each other through the day.)

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