No Need To Pardon This French

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 6, 2018

(My father and I are coming back home from church. We are speaking English because we attend an American church and just didn’t bother going back to speaking French. We’re both fluent and speak English with no accent at all. We take seats in the underground and go on with our conversation for a few minutes until I notice that the lady in the seat next to mine is glaring at us. Keep in mind that we’re in Paris, one of the cities with the most tourists in the world.)

Lady: *in French, to her friend, obviously thinking my father and I don’t understand* “These foreigners are way too loud! Why are they here? If they want to speak English, they should go back to their country. They should make an effort to speak French.”

(She keeps going on like that for quite some time. I tell my father, who was politely going to tell her to shut up that it’s not worth it, but her rant is starting to annoy me. At that point she’s speaking very loudly, and the other people around are looking at us.)

Lady: “Ils croivent qu’ils peuvent venir ici et nous envahir avec leur culture!” *They think they can come here and invade us with their culture!*

(There is an enormous grammar mistake in that sentence. Our stop is next, and my father is fuming by that time. I stand up and start towards the doors, but I can’t resist turning around to face her.)

Me: *in French* “Ma’am, you have been incredibly rude, and you’ve been disturbing the other passengers. If you don’t want to see foreigners, don’t live in Paris. Oh, and by the way, ‘croivent’ is not correct French, so maybe you should think twice before telling people to speak French, given that you are obviously unable to speak it correctly yourself.”

(She turned red, and some of the other passengers started laughing, including her own friend. I got off the underground with a huge grin on my face. My dad was laughing his a** off and ended up buying me a cookie on our way back.)

That’s The Way We All Became The Nuhsolicitores Bunch

, , , , , | Working | December 1, 2018

(We have a “No Solicitors” sign above our doorbell; it’s pretty hard to miss, and my dad has little patience for people who ignore it. One day, someone rings the bell and my dad answers the door. They immediately start a sales pitch.)

Dad: “Wait, wait. Hold on. Did you see this sign?” *points to sign over doorbell*

Salesperson: “Uh… Yes?”

Dad: “Then do you not understand what ‘No Solicitors’ means?”

Salesperson: *pauses* “Isn’t it your name?”

Dad: “What?”

Salesperson: “Yeah, I thought it was your name. Like, it was Italian? ‘Nuh Solicitores,’ right?”

Dad: *stares at him for a minute and then just shuts the door*

This Tita Gets Her Cable Set Up In Time To “Eat Bulaga!”

, , , , | Right | November 30, 2018

(I work at an inbound call center for a health insurance company.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. With whom am I speaking today?”

Caller: *yells at me in a foreign language*

Me: “Ma’am, would you like me to get a translator on the line for you?”

Caller: “Yes, please!”

(A few minutes later.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I have the translator on the line.”

(The translator introduces himself. The woman is still yelling but now having a conversation with the translator.)

Me: “Um… can I have your member ID number for verification purposes?”

(The woman says something to the translator.)

Translator: “She says she doesn’t have one; she wants to know what channel the Filipino Channel is on.”

Me: “Can you tell her she’s calling a health insurance company in Massachusetts? And that she needs to call her cable provider?”

Doesn’t Understand Your English Explanation

, , , | Right | November 29, 2018

(I’m manning the till while an American woman browses.)

Customer: “Is this book in English?”

Me: “Yes.”

(The woman looks at it again and puts it back. She picks up another book.)

Customer: “Is this in English?”

Me: “Yes, madam. Almost every book in this store is in English. The only ones which aren’t are in the language section.”

(The woman puts the book back and picks up yet another.)

Customer: “Is this book in English?”

(This continued for another few minutes until the woman left. She didn’t buy anything because she wasn’t sure anything was in English.)

This Artist Is Doomed

, , , , | Romantic | November 26, 2018

(When my TV is on but idle, it runs a slideshow of various photos and paintings. One night when my partner and I are settling in, we turn on the TV to the image of a bright orange sunset. My partner was an art student, and often has to explain to me who famous artists are.)

Partner: “Wow. That’s pretty. It looks… Aya Surani.”

Me: “Oh? Does she shoot landscapes and stuff like this?”

Partner: *clearly confused* “Wha… No, from Lord of the Rings. It looks Eye of Sauron-y.”

(When I explained what I thought I’d heard, we had a good laugh for about five minutes. I just assumed Aya Surani was a photographer I’d never heard of. The kicker? My partner hasn’t even seen the movies or read the books!)

Page 3/13512345...Last