For Those Who Think Parmesan Is The Papa Of All Cheeses

, , , , | Right | October 9, 2019

(I work in a pizza place that is NOT Papa John’s.)

Kid: “Can I have some Papa John’s cheese?”

Me: “I don’t know what that is. “

Kid: “My mama said to get some Papa John cheese. “

Me: “Do you mean Parmesan cheese?”

Kid: “I don’t know. I guess so. “

(I took him to the counter where the Parmesan cheese was. He took some, still unsure, but didn’t come back so I guess that’s what his mom sent him after.)

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Can’t Lechon To What She Is Saying

, , , , | Right | October 9, 2019

(I work at a quick-service Chinese restaurant. I am serving a middle-aged Filipina.)

Me: “Hello! What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I want pork.”

Me: “Okay, well, we have mu-shu pork, sweet-and-sour pork, pork spareribs…”

Customer: “No, no. I want pork.”

Me: “Right. So, mu-shu pork, sweet-and-sour pork…”

Customer: “No! I want pork! To eat!

Me: “This is pork to eat.”

Customer: “No! Pork! Pork! I want pork!”

(She started gesticulating wildly at the box next to me, the one holding the plastic FORKS.)

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Well, F***!

, , , , , | Learning | October 8, 2019

(My school, being religious, has a fairly strict policy on swearing. In speech class, we’re watching a movie where a character sometimes uses intense profanity in speech therapy to help alleviate a stutter. The teacher has made notes for when these scenes happen so she can mute the film at the appropriate time. However, she leaves the room to talk to another teacher and one of the profanity-filled scenes comes on. About ten minutes later, the teacher comes running back into the room.)

Teacher: “Did I miss the profanity scene?!”

Student #1: “Yeah . . .”

Teacher: *dramatically falls on floor* “I am so sorry! I was talking to [Teacher #2] and thought, ‘Oh, no, is one of the swearing scenes is coming up?’ so I ran back here as fast as I could!”

Student #2: “It happened a while ago.”

Teacher: *checks timestamp on movie* “I missed it by ten minutes!”

Student #3: “I thought you were just sitting in the back and didn’t care!”

Teacher: “No! I am so, so sorry!”

(She has not forgotten to mute a scene since.)

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A Little “Extra” Sarcasm Goes A Long Way

, , , , , | Right | October 7, 2019

(I work at an industrial supply store in a small town. We sell all types of fasteners and our nearest competitor is about thirty miles away. Plenty of customers get cranky about buying package quantities and drive to our competitor.)

Customer: “I need some socket head bolts like this one, but in stainless steel and an inch longer.”

Me: “Okay, I have a pack of 25 in stock. It would be about $25 with tax, so around $1 each.”

Customer: “Well, that’s bulls***! I only need three of the d*** things. I don’t have no use for ‘extrees.’”

(This guy is pretty redneck.)

Me: “Yeah, but the way our inventory is set up I have to sell them by the package.”

Customer: “Ah, to h*** with that. I’ll drive over to [Competitor]; they’ll sell ’em ‘indivigel,’ like two bucks each.”

Me: “Okay, just so I understand, you’re going to take an hour round trip in your crew cab dually truck out there, getting maybe four miles per gallon, then pay twice the price per bolt, all because you don’t have a use for extras?”

(He stares me down silently for a few seconds, clearly doing some advanced arithmetic in his head.)

Customer: “Okay, f*** it. I’ll buy the package, but I’m throwin’ away the rest of ’em. I got no d*** use with ’em.”

Me: “All right, here you go. The receipt’s in the bag. Have an ‘extree’ nice day.”

(He didn’t find that last part nearly as funny as I did.)

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Get A New Job On Betazed

, , , , | Working | October 3, 2019

I am in training to take phone calls. My supervisor is, well, more street-smart than book-smart. So far I have heard another supervisor misuse the word “poignant.” I believe she meant “pertinent,” as we collect info about defective products, not emotion-evoking memories. Today, this supervisor began yelling at me for not showing “empathy” in a response email. “Empathy” means responding with or acknowledging emotions and “I’m sorry” is considered to be one of the worst ways to empathize because it shows pity.

Like many people who have no idea what a word actually means, this supervisor clings to one example of its usage. When I tried to explain that “empathy” can include, “Wow, that sounds frustrating,” or, “I am here to help with that!” this supervisor accused me of “not accepting feedback.”

The best/worst part of it was that said supervisor showed zero empathy for my point of view!

I was informed by said supervisor that I need to accept feedback with a “thank you.” And you can bet that I will one-up that by being all, “Thank you, ma’am,” “Of course, ma’am,” “I will work on that, ma’am,” while I pray for a new job to show up soon!

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