A Simple Hello Would Have Sufficed

, , , | Right | March 3, 2008

(I had just taken the client’s information and asked him what kind of issue he was having.)

Client: “Well, I’ve been having some problems with my emai–”

(I hear the guy pull the phone away from his mouth.)

Client:*yelling* “HEY, SHUT THE F*** UP MOTHER-F*****!”

Someone Else In The Background: “NO, YOU’RE THE MOTHER-F*****, A**HOLE! YOU SHUT THE F*** UP!”

(After about ten seconds of silence the guy comes back on the line and continues describing his problem like nothing ever happened.)

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Just Wait Until She Names Her Kids

, , | Right | February 28, 2008

(This customer called in to reactivate her account. She didn’t remember the original password so I reset it for her)

Me: “All right, your password must be at least six characters in length, contain letters and numbers, and cannot be a common dictionary word. What would you like it to be?”

Customer: “Eat sh*t.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The password–eatsh*t.”

Me: “Alright… but it requires a number.”

Customer: “Oh….”

Me: “How about 1eatsh*t1?”

Customer: “Great!”

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No, Only In The Original Klingon

, , | Right | February 26, 2008

Me: “[Book and Music store] …can I help you?”

Caller: “Do you have Shakespeare in English?”

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Comes With Free Broadsword

, , , | Right | February 25, 2008

(I’m working drive-through when the headset beeps.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Donut Shop], what can I get you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a barbarian cream!”

Me: “…a what?”

Customer: “A barbarian cream!”

Me: “…you mean a Bavarian cream?”

Customer: “Yeah, that!”

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Mmmm, Cherry-Flavored Maxi Pads

, , | Right | February 22, 2008

(Around Easter, stacking poorly transported eggs and bunnies onto a shelf. A young girl, around sixteen, approaches me.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where the confectionery is?”

(I am slightly bemused, as we are standing next to the confectionery aisle.)

Me: “Yes, it is just there.”

(She looks, and furrows her brow.)

Customer: “No. Confectionery.”

Me: *pointing again* “Yes, there.”

(She looks even angrier now.)

Customer: “No. The confectionery!”

Me: “Yes… there.”

Customer: “Nooo. The confectionery, like tampons and stuff!”

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