Tall Is The New Small

, , | Right | November 10, 2009

Me: “Hello, ladies. What can I start you off to drink?”

Customer: “I’ll have a draft beer.”

Me: “Certainly. Would you like the 12 ounce or the 18 ounce?”

Customer: “Oh, bring me the tall.”

(I return with her large beer in a scooner that looks like a mini fishbowl.)

Customer: “Good Lord, this is your 12 ounce?”

Me: “No, ma’am. That’s the 18 ounce. I’m sorry, I must have misheard you. I thought you said the tall beer. Let me go fix that.”

Customer: “I did say tall. Tall is small, you know.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We’re not [Coffee Chain]. In beer language, tall means large.

Customer: “Well, you’re just behind on the times. Everybody knows tall is small!”

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Translation: Stupid

, , , , | Right | November 3, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, why won’t my card work on the pump?”

Me: “Is it an American card?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “American cards don’t work at the pump.”

Customer: “You should put up a sign or something.”

Me: “Actually, there are several right above the card slot.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I don’t read Canadian…”

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Please Stow All Carrion Baggage

, , | Right | October 21, 2009

Customer: “I have two bodies I want to get from Craig to Ketchikan.”

Me: “All right, I would suggest you take the earlier flight so you have time to clear TSA with the bodies.”

Customer: “What! One of the bodies is me!”

Me: “Uh… you said you have two bodies you need to bring in from Craig. Are you talking about just needing two reservations?”

Customer: “Well, duh! What did you think I was talking about!”

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Ix Nay On The Eesh Squeesh

, , , , | Right | October 7, 2009

Me: “Do you want anything else with your sandwich?”

Customer: “Peppers, olives, and eesh squeesh.”

Me: “…Excuse me?”

Customer: “Peppers, olives, eesh squeesh.”

Me: “Eesh squeesh? ”

Customer: “Yeah, eesh squeesh. Right there.” *points at the onions*

Me: “You mean onions?”

Customer: “Yeah, eesh squeesh.”

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Not How You A-Dress A Customer

, , | Right | October 6, 2009

Me: “Hello, [Pizza Delivery]. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to order some pizzas, please.”

Me: “No problem.”

(The call proceeds normally; she orders two pizzas and we make a little small talk.)

Customer: “Can you deliver them, please?”

Me: “Sure, address?”

Customer: *long pause* “Pardon?”

Me: “The address?”

Customer: *long pause again* “I’d like to speak to your manager now, please.”

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Just put your manager on!”

(I call my manager over.)

Manager: “Hello, what appears to be the issue?”

(The manager talks with the customer for a while. He eventually hangs up, throws the order slip in the trash, and bursts out laughing.)

Me: “What was all that about?”

Manager: “She thought you were asking if she was wearing ‘a dress’ and wanted to complain.”

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