Almost As Dangeroos As The Jackalopes

, , , | Right | August 3, 2009

Park Visitor: “Excuse me, sir. I was wondering about where I could see deer in this park.”

Me: “Just about anywhere.”

Park Visitor: “And what about the dangeroos?”

Me: “The what?!”

Park Visitor: “The dangeroos. Where should I go for those?”

Me: “I don’t think we have dangeroos. In fact, I don’t think that’s even a word.”

(The visitor pulls out a yellow information sheet. Everyone who enters National Parks receives one at the entrance.)

Park Visitor: *pointing at sheet* “Right here. It says, ‘Bears are dangeroos.’ I thought that was a type of bear you had here.”

 

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A Real Life Game Of Telephone

, , | Right | July 29, 2009

Me: “Hi, I’m calling on behalf of [Power Company]. I’m conducting a survey about your electrical service.”

Guy: “You’re disconnecting a what?”

Me: “I’m conducting a survey.”

Guy: “What kind of survey?”

Me: “It’s about your electrical service.”

Guy: “Are you shutting off my electricity?”

Me: “No, everything’s fine. I’m just conducting a survey to find out if you’re satisfied with your service.”

Guy: “You’re disconnecting a what?”

Me: “Conducting a survey–”

Guy: *to his wife* “You didn’t pay the bill and now they’re cutting off our lights!”

Wife: “I paid the d*** bill!”

Guy: “My wife says she paid the bill! Why are you cutting off my service if the bill’s been paid?”

Me: “Your service isn’t being cut off. I’m conducting a survey.”

Guy: “Disconnecting a what?”

Me: *very slowly* “Conducting a survey…”

Guy: *to his wife* “They’re disconnecting our survey! You paid the bill late!”

Wife: “No, I didn’t! Get off my case!”

Me: “Nothing’s being disconnected!”

Guy: “Then why are you calling?”

Me: “To make sure you’re satisfied with the service you’re receiving.”

Guy: “I was satisfied until you told me you’re cutting off my service.”

Me: “Your service isn’t being cut off. Everything’s fine!”

Guy: “Oh, okay. Well, I gotta go apologize to my wife now!” *click*

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Step 1: Insert Foot Into Mouth

, , | Right | July 22, 2009

(I am one of the few women working at my computer store. One day a male customer speaks up near me.)

Customer: “Wow, that’s a pretty big rack you’ve got there!”

Me: *looking up from monitor screen* “…excuse me?”

(I then follow his gaze to see him looking at a giant walk-in rack mount we have for sale.)

Customer: “Oh, wow. I gotta watch how I phrase things.”

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Right Next Door But Worlds Away

, , | Right | July 17, 2009

(I have just finished taking an order for a customer. My parents are from Germany, so I have a slight accent.)

Me: “That will be $10.87, ma’am. Anything else for you?”

Customer: “You have a very neat accent, miss. Where are you from?”

Me: “I was born in Colorado, ma’am.”

Customer: “Wow, really? What language do they speak there?”

Me: “…”

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Fpelling Is Fimple

, , , | Right | July 15, 2009

(I’m trying to instruct a caller how to visit a website.)

Customer: “It says ‘page cannot be displayed.'”

Me: “Okay, please go to google.com.”

Customer: “Okay, it came up.”

Me: “All right, it looks like we got the address wrong the first time. Let’s try it again.” *I spell out the entire URL*

Customer: “It’s still not working.”

Me: “Okay, could you please spell it back to me?”

Customer: “H-T-T-P-F…”

Me: “I see what happened here. At the beginning, we need to put H-T-T-P-S as in ‘Sierra’.”

Customer: “OK, H-T-T-P-F…”

Me: “No, not ‘F’ as in Frank, ‘S’ as in Sam. ‘S’ as in sample.”

Customer: “H-T-T-P-F…”

Me: “Sir, no, we need to make sure that it is an S as in Sierra.” ‘S’ as in solution.”

Customer: *really upset at this point* “YOU’RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE! F AS IN SIERRA?! F AS IN SIERRA?! SIERRA BEGINS WITH AN S!

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