Lonely Laptop Seeks Similar For Wi-Fi Hookup

, , , | Right | August 28, 2009

(A customer comes to our help desk with a laptop that needs service.)

Me: “Okay, we are going to have to send your computer out for service. It’s going to take about ten business days.”

Customer: “What am I going to do?”

Me: “It’s okay, I will provide you with a loaner.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Wow, that is so sad.”

Me: “What is so sad? That you are going to be without your computer?”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. It’s sad that they are lonely computers!”

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Fowl-Mouthed Accusations

, , , , | Right | August 10, 2009

(I’m telling a group of visitors about the peacocks at our zoo. After I’ve finished, one of the visitors stops me.)

Visitor: “Young man, can I have a word with you?

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. How can I help you?

Visitor: “I don’t appreciate you using that kind of language in front of my children.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I wasn’t aware I had.”

Visitor: “We prefer to call those birds over there pearoosters.”

Me: “Um, why?”

Visitor: “Because peacock is a bad word! I really don’t think you should be using that sort of language and those dirty words in front of small children!”

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A Man Of Two Words

, , , | Right | August 5, 2009

Me: *ringing up a sale* “…and did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Oh, that’s too bad. Would you like some assistance finding those items?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay. What was it that you couldn’t find?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “…pardon?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “So…did you not need any help today?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then you have everything you need?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well then, have a wonderful day!”

Customer: “No.” *takes bag and leaves*

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Flying The Foul-Mouthed Skies

, , , | Right | August 4, 2009

(Note: when checking in for a flight, customers are asked to provide the customer service agent with a six-digit code.)

Me: “May I have your confirmation code, please, ma’am?”

Customer: “Sure. It’s ‘A’ as in a**hole, ‘F’ as in f***, one, five, ‘B’ as in b****, and ‘C’ as in c**t.”

Me: *flabbergasted* “Um, okay… thank you. I’ll just find you in the system…”

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A Runaway Train Of Thought

, , , , | Right | August 4, 2009

(A caller phones into our car rental company looking for a vehicle, but we’re sold out in every nearby location.)

Caller: “Why aren’t there any cars for me? Everyone I ask tells me they’re out of cars!”

Me: “We’ve been having a hard time keeping a hold on any cars with this tourist season.”

Caller: “Terrorism?”

Me: “No, ma’am, the tourist season. It’s been a really big push into your area lately, so Florida’s swamped.”

Caller: “Everyone’s been blaming the terrorists today. Why are we all letting the terrorists win?” *begins sobbing*

Me: “Ma’am, it’s tourists, not terrorists.”

Caller: “I’m an American! In America! Why are we letting them ruin my life? We can’t let these terrorists win!” *continues sobbing for a moment and then hangs up*

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