Garraporta, Bumblebore And Lord Boweldesnort

, , , | Right | July 21, 2008

(I’m walking around stocking videos when a man comes up to with an extremely strange accent.)

Customer: “I’m looking for the Garraporta.”

Me: “I’m not sure what movie that is. What’s it about?”

Customer: “It’s the Garraporta. There are many movies!”

Me: “Uh, did you ask at the front desk?”

Customer:Garraporta! Garraporta! There are many movies!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ve never heard of that movie.”

(I try every way to tell him I don’t know that movie, but he follows me all around the store saying “Garraporta!” Suddenly, he stops and picks up a movie.)

Customer: “Here, Garraporta!”

Me: “Oh, Harry Potter!

Customer: “Yes, Garraporta! There are many movies!”

 

1 Thumbs
1,568

Natural Born Politician

, , | Learning Right | July 19, 2008

(Overheard from a school group at a theme park.)

Student: “God, these stupid lines are so long!”

Teacher: “If you don’t have anything positive to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Student: “I mean… these great lines are just long enough that we miss everything!”

1 Thumbs
3,488

Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 4

, , , | Right | July 12, 2008

(As I’m ringing this woman’s vitamins up, I notice that she’s staring at my stomach. I pause and look up at her.)

Customer: “When’s the baby coming?”

Me: “What baby?”

Customer: “Are you expecting?”

Me: “Um, no. I’m not pregnant.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I just asked because I used to be chubby like you when I was your age.”

Me: “Um… what?”

Customer: “Well, I was gonna say, you’re too young to be pregnant!”

Me: “I think you’d better quit while you’re ahead.”

1 Thumbs
1,488

Maine, Mars, Same Difference

, , , | Right | July 4, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] customer service. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Where y’all at, India?!”

Me: “No sir, I’m in Maine.”

Customer: “Maine? Where the h***’s that?”

Me: “Northern New England, sir.”

Customer: “England? I thought you sounded funny.”

(Note I have a VERY slight New England accent and this guy sounded like a Southern good ol’ boy).

Me: “No, NEW England, sir, northeastern United States.”

Customer: “Oh, up in Canada, then! Well, you done learned English pretty good I guess!”

Me: “…”

 

1 Thumbs
2,501

Warning: Movie May Require Brain Cells

, , , | Right | July 1, 2008

Customer: “This is a readin’ movie. Do I have to pay fer this? It’s a readin’ movie. Ya’ know, where ya’ have to read it?”

Me: “You mean, it had subtitles?”

Customer: “Yeah! Those! I don’t have to pay for that, do I?”

Me: “Well, we really don’t do preferential refunds because it isn’t our obligation to make sure the customer likes the movie. We just make it available.”

Customer: “That’s bullcrap!”

(He skulks away from my register and hangs around the candy display as the next customer walks up laughing.)

Me: *to the next customer* “Hello, ma’am. How’re you doing today? Good? That’s great. Before we start here, I’d like to warn you that this magazine you’re about to purchase is a readin’ magazine, and that we don’t give refunds. Sorry.”

(The previous disgruntled customer, who obviously heard everything I said, was completely oblivious to the fact that I was mocking him.)

1 Thumbs
2,388