Shouldn’t Strip That Down To Basics

, , | Working | October 27, 2016

I work at a bookstore. Our managers have the bad habit of making up stupid little rules to be more efficient. One ‘rule’ is the demand that we abbreviate our requests over the PA system. However, they clearly didn’t think it through…

Originally an announcement was: “Supervisor and/or Manager to loading bay for strip cleaning.”

“Strip cleaning” meant they gathered up all the hoarded garbage, boxes, and pallets from a shipment to take out all at once.

However, the abbreviated version was…

Over PA System: “S & M to strip, please. S & M to strip!”

This was done in a store full of customers… The abbreviation rule was immediately dropped and never spoken of again.

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Their Names Are Loco

, | Learning | October 8, 2016

(I teach English as a second language to international students.)

Me: “Good afternoon, class. Welcome to Level Five Conversation. Let’s start by going around and introducing ourselves.”

Student #1: “I’m from Japan, and my name is Shoko.”

Student #2: “I’m also from Japan, and my name is Hiroko.”

Student #3: “I’m from Japan, too! My name is Kyoko.”

Student #4: “I’m from Mexico, and my name is Socorro. But no one ever calls me that – you can call me Coco.”

(I probably still could have managed okay, but Shoko and Hiroko were best friends and always sat together, so I never did learn to tell them apart…)

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Punked Over And Over And Over

, , , , , | Right | September 26, 2016

(I am a warehouse worker this last summer for a large fireworks company and we help out tent staff sometimes during tent season. I am on registers, where we always offer free small punks, on the Fourth, and have at least a dozen customers thinking they’re so funny with this same exchange.)

Me: *finishing a transaction* “All right, thank you for buying from [Fireworks Company]! Would you like some free punks for lighting?”

Customer: *grabbing a friend/sibling/child* “Well, I think this one here will do.”

Me: *to myself* “Yeah, like I haven’t heard that one before.”

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A Good Sign(s) Of The Times, Part 2

, , , , | Hopeless | September 14, 2016

(A customer walks in.)

Me: “Hi!”

Customer: *smiles and waves, wanders about for a bit before finding what he wants, makes eye contact with me and points at counter questioningly*

Me: *nods and indicates register* “Yes! I can take you right here are you ready? Would you like a bag?”

Customer: *indicates ear* “Deaf!”

Me: *now signing* “ASL?”

(I don’t think I will ever forget the look on his face. I have been taking ASL for over a year and a half, not for my job but for school and because I like it. He was stunned. I didn’t even think twice.)

Customer: *now also signing* “Yeah.”

(I did the rest of the transaction in ASL and he even taught me a new sign!)


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Your Request Is Totally Criminal

, , , | Right | August 31, 2016

(I work as a freelance editor, including editing CVs and cover letters for jobs. I had a client ask me to improve his CV, “make it sound fancy and good,” as well as to write a cover letter for his applications, primarily for a teaching assistant job. I rewrote almost all of the CV and an impressive cover letter. About two months later I receive a phone call from him.)

Client: “I’d like a refund for the work you did.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what’s wrong?”

Client: “It’s been two months, and I still can’t get a job. The CV and cover letter are s***.”

Me: “You were happy with both when I delivered them, and also it clearly states in the contract that I do not offer refunds and that there is no guarantee of employment.”

Client: “The reason I’m not getting the jobs is because of this s*** you wrote. I want my money back.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t see how what I wrote would prevent you from getting a job. Are you sure there’s no other reason?”

Client: “No! I even had my brother look over the CV and he said it was s*** and it’s why I wasn’t getting a job. He’s a professional editor too, and he knows this s***.”

Me: “If your brother is a professional, then why did you hire me instead of him?”

Client: “Because he’s busy with a real job, unlike you!”

Me: “Look, I’m sorry, but unless you can prove to me that I somehow voided our contract, I am not giving you a refund.”

Client: “I CAN prove it!”

(The client continued to bug me until I agreed to meet up with him and go through his application form, proving that it was the CV and not him. I watched as he filled in every detail without any worries, until we reached the problem question.)

Me: “Wait, you’ve put that you have a criminal conviction?”

Client: “Oh… yeah… A couple of years ago I got arrested for assault. But it was total bull-s***. She was a lying b****.”

Me: “You’re applying to work in a school with an assault charge. That’ll be why they’re not hiring you.”

Client: “No, because I tell them first.”

Me: “You tell them?”

Client: “Yeah, in the cover letter. I added a note at the end saying that the assault charge was false.”

Me: “But you were found guilty?”

Client: “Yeah, that’s just because my kid said she saw me do it.”

Me: “Okay, it doesn’t matter to the employer whether you claim it to be true or not. You were convicted, you were found guilty, so they take that as truth and won’t hire you to work with children.”

Client: “But it wasn’t true.”

Me: “But the school will believe it is.”

Client: “But I tell them first it ain’t.”

(We went around in circles for a while until I just got up and left. He continued to harass me for a while, and even threatened to sue. Needless to say, nothing ever came of it. As far as I’m aware, he’s had a couple jobs, not in schools thankfully, but lost all of them.)

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