Guidance Counseling, Customer Style

, , , | Right | March 11, 2009

(I’m finishing a long transaction for a supermarket customer.)

Customer: “You realise that you didn’t say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ throughout all of that?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought I did.”

Customer: “Do you go to college or is this your full-time job?!’

Me: “I go to college, but–”

Customer: “GOOD! DON’T DO THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY CRAP AT IT!”

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Those Foreigners And Their Funny Continents

, , , | Right | March 5, 2009

(I’m visiting a friend of mine at work when this exchange occurs.)

Customer: *notes my friend’s nametag* “Matt-ie-oh… What a neat name. Where’s it from?”

Friend: “It’s pronounced mah-tay-oh, actually. It’s Spanish.”

Customer: “Oh, really? You don’t look Mexican.”

Friend: “I’m not; I’m Spanish.”

Customer: “Well, what’s the difference?”

Friend: “The Atlantic Ocean?”

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I’m Afraid You Can’t Spell, Dave

, , , | Right | February 20, 2009

(I am monitoring the customers at the self-checkout machines when a customer holding cilantro angrily waves me over.)

Me: “Sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “These machines are so useless! They don’t even have cilantro under the look-up list!”

Me: “Sir, it’s because you’re looking under ‘S’ instead of ‘C’ — cilantro is spelled with a ‘C.'”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re a know-it-all, huh? We’ll see what you know when these machines take over YOUR job one day!”

Me: “…”

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Why Hello, Pheven

, , | Right | February 4, 2009

Me: “I’m here to help, sir. Now, can I start with your name?”

Caller: “Yeah. It’s Steven.”

Me: “Is that ‘Steven’ with a V, or ‘Stephen’ with a PH?”

Caller: “No, it’s Steven with an S, idiot!”

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Clarity Is Key

, , | Right | January 23, 2009

Me: “Hi, sir, how are you today? Is there something I can get for you?”

Customer: “Fish.”

Me: “Well, you sure came to the right place. What kind of fish would you like?”

Customer: “Dead fish.”

Me: “…”

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