Barking Up The Wrong Tree

, , , | Right | October 13, 2008

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want a discount on my services.”

Me: “I’d be glad to see if you qualify for a promotion on a new service–”

Customer: “No, I mean on my current services.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t have any promotions like that; they’re only for new services.”

Customer: “Well, this is bull-s***! I shouldn’t have to pay for Spanish channels that I don’t watch and can’t understand. Let the Mexicans pay extra for those, not me!”

Me: “Ma’am, we cater to our demographic, and California as a whole has a very large Hispanic population including MYSELF and my family.”

Customer: “That’s terrible! I’m on a budget and don’t think I should be charged for these.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s just how are services are offered.”

Customer: “Well I’ll tell you this… you better watch out, because before you know it, a MEXICAN is gonna take your job!”

Me: “…all right, then, ma’am. Gracias por llamar a [Empresa] que tenga un buen dia.” *click*

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From Bad To Worse

, , , | Right | September 26, 2008

(I work in email and chat tech support. One day, an email comes in.)

Customer:

“Hello Miss Sir,

Please send me new one. My wife’s has defected.

Boris”

Me:

“Dear Boris,

Thanks for contacting us. If your wife’s mp3 player is defective, we will be happy to replace it. Please respond with more details on the problem. If you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to contact us.”

Sincerely,
[My Name]”

Customer:

“Hello Miss,

Yes, send new one. My wife’s has defecated.”

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It’s What’s For Dinner

, , , | Right | September 25, 2008

Coworker: Welcome to [Fast Food Burger Joint]. What’s your beef?

Customer: “I ain’t got a beef; you got the beef. What’s YOUR beef?”

Coworker: “I got the good beef. You want some beef?”

Customer: “Yes, I want some beef. You gonna bring it?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I’ll bring it. You payin’?”

Customer: “Course I’m payin’. You makin’?”

Coworker: “Yes, we’re makin’.”

Customer: “Good, how much?”

Coworker: “You have to order first, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah…”

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Ah, Mothers

, , , | Right | September 23, 2008

(A mother and her teenage son come through my line…)

Me: “Hello, did you find everything you need?”

Mother: “Yes, we did.”

(I notice she is buying party items, including cups, soda, pizzas, napkins… and condoms.)

Me: “Oh, are you having a party soon?”

Mother: *nods* “My little [Son] is growing up. He’s going to have an orgy with all his little friends, aren’t you Captain Muffinpants?”

Me: *suppresses laughter* “Will that be all?”

Son: “YES! YES, THAT WILL BE ALL!” *runs to car*

 

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Speak For Yourselves, Part 2

, , , | Right | September 9, 2008

Elderly Lady #1: “Now, what are the prices like for this show?”

Coworker: “Well, they’re-”

Elderly Lady #2: “Don’t tell us it’s expensive! I don’t want to spend too much money!”

Coworker: *holds out price sheet* “Here are the–”

Elderly Lady #1: “Oh, would you look at that. Look at those prices. Now where are these seats?”

Coworker: “Those are right-”

Elderly Lady #2: “No, we don’t want to sit there. It’s too far in the back.”

Coworker: “Actually, ma’am, they’re–”

Elderly Lady #1: “Those seats are okay… they’re in the middle.”

Elderly Lady #2: “Do they have anything closer on an aisle?”

Coworker: “Unfortunately– ”

Elderly Lady #1: “What do you need to be closer for? Those seats are fine. George and Harry will like them.”

Elderly Lady #2: “Yes, but I’d rather be able to sit as far from Martha as possible.”

Elderly Lady #1: “Ah, yes… we don’t like Martha. She talks so much you can never get a word in!”

 

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