That’s What You Get For Being Under Him

, , , , , | Right | November 13, 2018

(I work at the front desk of an assisted living home, checking visitors in and out, among other duties. Two people are just leaving, male and female relatives of some sort, or maybe just friends. The guy is signing out.)

Guy: “There’s my name.” *signs the time he’s leaving*

Woman: “Oh! My name’s just below. You can do me now, too.”

(I looked up with an OMG-did-you-just-say-that face. She looked right at me with an OMG-did-I-just-say-that face, blushing. The woman and I smirked at each other and the husband just went on, oblivious. I had a good laugh after they left.)

What A Sweet Price!

, , , , , | Right | November 13, 2018

Me: “Hey, can I please have a large earl grey?”

Barista: “Yes. Sweetened?”

Me: “No.”

Barista: “What?”

Me: “No, not sweetened. Thanks.”

Barista: “Okay. Sweetened?”

Me: “No, I don’t want it sweetened.”

Barista: “You ordered the earl grey, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Barista: “Sweetened.”

(At this point, I’m looking around at the other barista because this is getting ridiculous.)

Other Barista: *comes to the register* “It’s $3.10.”

(Yup, I felt very stupid.)

Rotting Her Brain As Well As Her Lungs

, , , , | Right | November 12, 2018

(I work at a gas station in a small town, so we see a lot of regulars — in this case, two Hispanic men. They walk in and start talking to each other in Spanish as I’m ringing up an older woman.)

Customer: “Can you believe these Mexicans? They come here illegally, take all our jobs, and leave none for us real Americans.”

(She goes off on a rant, and the two regulars are standing behind her listening to every word she says. One shakes his head at me calmly and I keep quiet.)

Customer: “…and they don’t even speak English.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s too bad. Here’s your change. Have a nice day!”

(She is nearly out the door when one of the regulars stops her.)

Regular: *in fluent English* “Excuse me, miss! You left your cigarettes on the counter.”

(He goes to hand them to her, and she looks like she’s about to pass out from either rage or embarrassment. She turns and leaves without taking her cigarettes.)

Me: “Way to handle a bad situation. I was ready to kick her out.”

Regular: “I don’t think she was right in the head. She needs a doctor, not a scene… And I got a free pack of cigarettes.”

Let’s Hope He Was Asking For Size And Not Flavor

, , , , , | Right | November 11, 2018

Customer: “Hi. What size scoops do you have?”

Me: “We have a kid-size scoop, which is half of a single scoop, a double scoop, and a triple.”

Customer: “And that’s only for bowls?”

Me: “Nope! The same sizing goes for all cones and bowls.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll have a shallot scoop of butter pecan in a regular cone.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “A shallot size of butter pecan.”

Me: “Do you mean a single scoop?”

Customer: “No, a shallot.”

(I am still in training and wondering if there is actually a shallot size that I have not learned about.)

Me: “Um, okay.”

(I go to get a regular-sized single scoop and hand it to the customer.)

Customer: *looks at cone, and up at me, strangely, pays, and walks away*

Me: *towards other coworker* “Um, did you guys not tell me about a shallot size?”

Coworker: “No… what’s a shallot?”

Me: “A little onion!”

It’s Time To Lick And Make Up

, , , , , | Right | November 11, 2018

(I am going shopping before work, to get an iced tea. I am in my scrubs; I work at a veterinary hospital.)

Sales Clerk: “Oh, we’re having a promotion; if you sign up, you can get discounts on makeup purchases.”

Me: *tired* “Oh, no, thanks. I never wear makeup; it just gets licked off.”

Sales Clerk: *pause* “I hope you work at a veterinary hospital.”

Me: *pause, eyes widen* “Oh! Oh. Yes. Sorry! That came out wrong!”

(She thanked me for making her laugh, but I still feel incredibly awkward!)

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