Justin Had A Dressing Named After Him

, , , | Right | July 20, 2018

(I am the customer here, and about 16 years old. I have fallen asleep in the car during a family trip, and my family wakes me up as we stop as a popular sandwich chain in an unfamiliar town to get lunch. The girl behind the counter is about my age, and we’re about halfway done making my sandwich and making small talk while I am half-asleep.)

Employee: *what I hear* “Do you know Justin?”

Me: “No, I don’t; I’m not from around here.”

(My parents laugh, and she gives me a weird look, but proceeds to make the rest of my sandwich. I sit down with the rest of my family and start eating.)

Mom: “I think that girl was eyeing you up for a second there.”

Me: “What? Really?”

Mom: “Yeah, until she asked you if you wanted dressing and you said you weren’t from here.”

Me: *screaming internally* “I thought she asked me if I knew Justin!”

Lost Email In Translation

, , , , | Right | July 19, 2018

(A customer who doesn’t speak English well comes into the copy shop where I work and needs help emailing something from the self-serve computer.)

Customer: “I don’t know how to send. Help send email.”

Me: “Okay, go to the Internet here, and then type in the website you use for your email.”

(Like most people who need help emailing, he types his entire email address in the search bar.)

Me: “No, not your actual address, just the website you use.”

Customer: “What? Huh? This is my email.”

Me: “What is the last part?”

(The customer says his email address, so I tell him what to type in. Once he finally gets logged into his email, I see that he has it set up in his native language.)

Customer: “Now what?”

Me: “You need to open a new email.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “I don’t know; it’s not in English.”

Customer: “Where?! Where?!”

Me: “I don’t know; I can’t read any of that. It should say, ‘new,’ or, ‘compose,’ or something.”

Customer: “No! Not there! Where?”

Me: “I don’t know. I can’t read any of that. Is there a button that says, ‘new’?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, click on that.”

(I help him attach the file, and then I figure out which button is the “send” button because it looks like a button. But then he goes somewhere else on his email page.)

Customer: “Did it work? Does this mean it worked?”

Me: “I don’t know; like I said, I can’t read that because it’s not in English.”

(Later on the customer, comes to me with his phone, still in his native language, asking where to go to forward his email.)

Me: “It would be this arrow button here.”

(When he clicks the arrow button, three options in his language come up.)

Customer: “Which one?”

Me: “I don’t know. I can’t read that.”

(This went on for FAR too long.)

In Gulag We Eat Goulash

, , , | Right | July 18, 2018

(Our professor tells us this story about her student visiting Hungary and going out to eat.)

Student: “I’ll have the Gulag, please.”

Waiter: “Excuse me?”

Student: “Gulag.”

Waiter: “Oh, you mean goulash. You don’t want to say that other word again.”

(Goulash is a traditional stew. A Gulag was a Soviet work camp.)

Bugged By Being Pedantic

, , , , , | Right | July 18, 2018

(I’m a sales associate at a mom-and-pop store. I’m helping a young Amish woman locate the pest control.)

Customer: “I need some insect killer.”

Me: *takes her to pest control, picks up bottle* “This one is a good kind.”

Customer: “Oh, well, this kind is for bugs.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Well, I need the kind for insects.”

Me: “…”

Mona Gleasa

, , , | Working | July 17, 2018

Customer Service Rep: “Can I have your last name, please?”

Me: “Gleason.”

Customer Service Rep: “Okay, Lisa! And can I have your last name?”

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