I Know All In Español

, , , , , | Right | March 13, 2019

(I work for a famous theme park. As I’m bilingual, I wear a name tag that displays certain languages I can speak: Spanish and English. My family decides to come to see me for a week and I take the entire week off, of course, to be with them. On the first day of their vacation, we go to one of the parks. I’m walking down the streets talking to my family when, all of a sudden, a random man approaches me and begins jabbering away at me in rapid Spanish.)

Guest: “Do you know where the fast-pass kiosk is? I’ve been looking everywhere! Nobody can help me!”

Me: “Yes, it’s behind the walls.” *points toward it* “If you need any further assistance, a cast member can help you or will find someone who can.”

Guest: “Thank you.” *walks off*

Mom: “So, how did they know that you can speak Spanish and work here?”

Me: “I… I have no idea.”

(I double-checked to make sure I wasn’t wearing my name tag by mistake, despite being in regular clothes, and I have no Hispanic features. The funny part is, every time I went to the parks at my own leisure, I’d get stopped regularly by people asking for help. And not just at my park, but at others, as well. Not that I minded; my coworker friends and I decided that we all just have a certain look on our off time, and people just pick up on it and assume we know what we’re doing.)

But Some Chickens Are More Chicken Than Others

, , , , , | Right | March 12, 2019

(A man clearly from somewhere on the other side of the planet approaches my counter, and addresses me with a huge grin and a very heavy accent.)

Customer: “Ehh… You have CHEE-ken?”

Me: “What kind of chicken would you like, sir?”

Customer: *huge grin* “Jis. CHEE-ken.”

Me: “What kind of chicken?”

Customer: *huge grin* “Jis. CHEE-ken.”

Me: “Yes, chicken. What kind of chicken?”

Customer: *huge grin* “Jis. CHEE-ken.”

Me: “You can’t understand a word I’m saying other than, ‘chicken,’ can you?”

Customer: *huge grin* “Jis. CHEE-ken.”

Me: “Four score and seven chickens ago, our chickens brought forth on this chicken a new chicken, conceived in chicken, and dedicated to the chicken that all chickens are created chicken.”

Customer: *huge grin* “Jis. CHEE-ken.”

Me: *face-palm*

Through An Immature Lens

, , , , , , , | Learning | March 11, 2019

(I am attending a course about glasses and how to order them according to the customers’ needs. Our teacher is talking about common mistakes done while ordering them and comes to the section about the distances seen by wrongfully-ordered glasses —  what you “can” see and you “won’t” see clearly.)

Teacher: *mentioning this and that mistake* “…which leads to the person missing out on about five inches of distance, where he won’t see things clearly.”

(For a moment, one of my female colleagues looks at him in confusion.)

Female Colleague: “Do you even feel five inches?”

(The world turned white as I threw my head back and let out a childish, uncontrollable, howling laughter, which led to tears in my eyes. My colleagues looked at me in confusion, and one after another slowly realised what she had just said.)

A Sign You Shouldn’t Worry Too Much

, , , , , | Right | March 10, 2019

(I happen to know American Sign Language. I’m not fluent, but I can carry on a conversation easily. When I work retail, I let deaf customers know so they can sign if they prefer it — for example, people writing questions on pieces of paper or having a family member interpret. A particular deaf customer makes sure he only comes in on my normally-scheduled days because he can communicate with me more easily than he can with my coworkers. One day he is checking out and we have a brief conversation in sign, with no talking, of course. He pays for his purchases and leaves. I turn to the next customer in line, who looks nervous as he approaches my counter.)

Me: *out loud, using my voice* “Did you find everything you needed today?”

Customer: *lets out a big sigh of relief* “Oh, I saw you signing with the other man and thought you were deaf! I was trying to figure out how to talk to you and understand you when it was my turn!”

We Can Interpret From This That They Really Need Their Spring Break

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 10, 2019

(My roommate and I are in separate rooms while talking. We’re both in our late twenties or early thirties, but we have a running joke that we’re going deaf because of frequent exchanges like these.)

Roommate: “Only eleven days until spring break!”

Me: *with my head in the refrigerator, looking for a snack* “I’m so ready. Why can’t it be next week?!”

Roommate: *pause* “Did you just say, ‘Why do you hate me?’”

Me: *standing up and looking through the door at him* “No. I said, ‘Why can’t it be next week?'”

Roommate: “Oh.” *another pause* “I just had my urine checked last year, and it was fine.”

Me: *staring at him, trying to figure out what that has to do with anything, then it clicks and I start cracking up*

Roommate: “What?!”

Me: “I thought you said you had your urine checked instead of your hearing!” *still dying of laughter*

Roommate: “Oh, my God.” *shouts to his boyfriend, who is an American Sign Language interpreter* “Hey, babe! We’re gonna need your interpreting services a lot sooner than we originally thought!”

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