Your Pay Is Horrific

, , , , , , , | Working | September 20, 2018

(Today is Thursday the 12th, and the company payday is tomorrow. In an attempt to make reference to the Jason Voorhees slasher films, I see one of my coworkers and go right up to him.)

Me: “Oh, hey, tomorrow is 9/11!”

Coworker: “Wait… What?”

(I stammered and explained that I was trying to say, “Tomorrow, we get paid on Friday the 13th.” How horrifying.)

Piss-Poor Grammar

, , | Healthy | September 20, 2018

(Sometimes, providers fill in a prescription without proofreading, leading to gems like this:)

Prescription: “One capsule once a day to make it easier to urinate by mouth.”

Depends What Part Of The Cow You Get

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(We are working the drive-thru at dinner time, at a restaurant known for soups and sandwiches.)

Order Taker: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. This is [Order Taker]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Can I get that steak and areola sandwich?”

(It took everything we had not to laugh!)

It’s A Kobra-Kat!

, , , , , | Working | September 18, 2018

(I am spelling my email address over the phone to get a confirmation notice for an order.)

Me: “A-S-K-A—”

Representative: “A-S-pay-A?”

Me: “No, A-S-K like ‘ask.’”

Representative: “Oh, A like ‘ask,’ S like ‘swan,’ K like ‘cat.’”

Me: “That’s right, A-S-K-A… No, wait…”

Representative: “I’m sorry; I mean K as in ‘cobra’!”

Me: “…”

Representative: “Kangaroo! Kangaroo.”

Me: “That’s the one.”

Representative: “Sorry, I’m really not awake yet.”

Me: “No problem. I was about to go right along with you!”

Fragile Masculinity On Speakerphone

, , , , | Working | September 17, 2018

(A coworker and I are checking inventory in the aisles. A few other coworkers are working in the stockroom.)

Coworker: *in stockroom, over headset* “Which one of you guys has a small one?”

(There is stunned silence, while a coworker near me and I look at each other funny.)

Coworker: *near me* “[Stockroom Coworker], I don’t think anyone is going to answer that.”

(Apparently, she wanted to ask who was using one of our small pallet jacks.)

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