Maine, Mars, Same Difference

, , , | Right | July 4, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] customer service. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Where y’all at, India?!”

Me: “No sir, I’m in Maine.”

Customer: “Maine? Where the h***’s that?”

Me: “Northern New England, sir.”

Customer: “England? I thought you sounded funny.”

(Note I have a VERY slight New England accent and this guy sounded like a Southern good ol’ boy).

Me: “No, NEW England, sir, northeastern United States.”

Customer: “Oh, up in Canada, then! Well, you done learned English pretty good I guess!”

Me: “…”

 

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Warning: Movie May Require Brain Cells

, , , | Right | July 1, 2008

Customer: “This is a readin’ movie. Do I have to pay fer this? It’s a readin’ movie. Ya’ know, where ya’ have to read it?”

Me: “You mean, it had subtitles?”

Customer: “Yeah! Those! I don’t have to pay for that, do I?”

Me: “Well, we really don’t do preferential refunds because it isn’t our obligation to make sure the customer likes the movie. We just make it available.”

Customer: “That’s bullcrap!”

(He skulks away from my register and hangs around the candy display as the next customer walks up laughing.)

Me: *to the next customer* “Hello, ma’am. How’re you doing today? Good? That’s great. Before we start here, I’d like to warn you that this magazine you’re about to purchase is a readin’ magazine, and that we don’t give refunds. Sorry.”

(The previous disgruntled customer, who obviously heard everything I said, was completely oblivious to the fact that I was mocking him.)

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How Cute, You Learned A New Vocab

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2008

Customer: “I want this particular size in this particular style of jeans.”

Me: “Well, I don’t see your size out here, so let me check the back.”

(I go to check the stock room, even though I know we’re out.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re all out.”

Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You heard me; you’re persecuting me.”

Me: “…I can check with the store across town to see if they have what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(The store across town has a pair of the jeans in question. I ask the customer if she wants to go pick them up; the store will have them on hold for her.)

Customer: “You mean I have to drive all the way across town?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

Me: “Well, if you can wait until tomorrow afternoon, we can have the other store ship them and you can pick them up here.”

Customer: “So, you want me to wait an extra day and make an extra trip back here for a pair of jeans.”

Me: “Or drive across town for them today, yes.”

Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

Me: “…”

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It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3

, , | Right | June 20, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. Sow can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want to get on the Internet.”

Me: “All right, are you interested in dial-up or DSL?”

Customer: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! You’re speaking Greek to me!”

 

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The Early Bird Counts Its Chickens In The Bush

, , , | Working | June 13, 2008

(My boss spent 35 years in the Army, and it shows. He is famous for quoting motivational posters.)

Boss: *to camper* “I understand your concern, ma’am, but sometimes you have to crawl before you can walk.”

Camper: “I just wanted to transfer campsites.”

Boss: “Understood. But sometimes it takes a village, right?”

Camper: *to me* “Can I speak with someone who isn’t on crack?”

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