Different Accents Of Racism

, , , , , | Working | June 14, 2017

(I am a head cashier. I have been called to the checkouts to assist a young couple of Indian descent. After serving them:)

Manager: “It’s a good thing you could handle that. I couldn’t understand a word they were saying.”

Me: “They sounded Glaswegian to me.”

Manager: “How would you know? You’re from Sheffield.”

Me: “Why didn’t you? Haven’t you lived in Glasgow all your life?”

Manager: “True. I wonder why I couldn’t understand them.”

Me: “Racism?”

(She wasn’t best pleased with me.)

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Puns With Friends  

, , , | Friendly | June 12, 2017

(Playing ‘Words with Friends’ online, my friend frequently places tiles until they make a word, with no idea what the word actually means.)

Friend: *plays ‘PARGE’* “No, I don’t know what it means.”

Me: “It’s the ridge in a pear tree.”

Friend: “Really? There ya go. I learn something everyday!”

Me: “The parge ridge in a pear tree is only visible on the first day of Christmas, though.”

Friend: “Why am I questioning your reasoning now?”

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You’ll Get No Sympathy (Cards) From Me

, , | Friendly | June 12, 2017

(Due to an invisible, chronic pain illness, my mind isn’t as sharp as it used to be. This means things sometimes fall out of my mouth without meaning to, especially if I can’t think of the right word. I’m in a card shop with my friend after the morning school run.)

Me: “Oh, I just remembered, I need to get a card.”

Friend: “What kind?”

Me: “Um… oh d*** it, I had it. It’s not a birthday one…”

Friend: “Anniversary?”

Me: “Ooh, that’s it. A ‘sorry you’re dead’ card.”

Friend: *bursts into laughter* “I think you’ll find they’re called sympathy cards!”

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Completely Estúpido

, , , | Right | June 12, 2017

(It is my first day working at the store. I am Mexican and have dark skin. I speak Spanish, but I don’t speak to customers in Spanish unless they have already spoken Spanish to me.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]—”

Customer: “Stop. No Spanish. We don’t speak Spanish.”

Me: “I was speaking English.”

Customer: “Good, no one in this family speaks Spanish!”

Me: “…”

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, , | Learning | June 7, 2017

(This is a story my father told me about my granddad. My granddad used to work for the Bureau of Indian Affairs, teaching shop classes at boarding schools on reservations. The first part of this story takes place just outside of Carson City, Nevada, on a Navajo reservation. A couple of teenage boys approach my granddad during his shop class.)

Boys: “Mr. [Granddad], if you’re teaching Navajo kids, you should learn to speak at least a little Navajo! You want us to teach you some?”

Granddad: “Sure, boys. I think that’d be mighty handy.”

(For the next few weeks, the boys teach my grandfather a word or phrase of Navajo each day. One day, one of the Navajo women who works at the school comes to visit Granddad’s class.)

Granddad: *rips off one of the ‘Navajo greetings’ he’s been taught*

Navajo Employee: *puffs up and goes all red in the face* “MR. [Granddad]! WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?! NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN!”

(Suddenly, all of Granddad’s students were very busy with their projects.)

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