This Little Piggy Went To H*ll

, , , , | | Right | March 6, 2008

Me: “Can I help you?”

Teacher: “Yes, I’ve forgotten my password and would like you to retrieve it for me.”

(ID Verification stuff…)

Me: “Alright, just a moment. Okay, ma’am. Your password is…”

Teacher: *apparently remembering at the last minute* “Oh, no…”

Me: “Piggly…Wiggly…F**ker.”

Teacher: *sheepishly* “Yeah…thank you.”

Me: *bursts out laughing*

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The Birds And The Bees Talk, Illustrated

, , , , | | Right | February 17, 2008

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a Playboy for my son.”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, a Playboy to play with.”

Me: *trying very hard not to laugh* “You mean a Gameboy?”

Customer: “Yeah, that!”

(The customer suddenly realizes what she said.)

Customer: “OH!”

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At Least She Has The General Idea

, , , | | Right | January 1, 2008

Bored Teen: “Yeah. I’m looking for this book, When I Drop Dead?”

Me: “I can’t seem to find it in the system. Do you know who the author is?”

Bored Teen: “I dunno. Flooker or Flocker or something.”

(A light goes on in my head.)

Me: “Do you mean AS I LAY DYING, by WILLIAM FAULKNER?”

Bored Teen: *explosive sigh* “Yeah. Whatever. That.”

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Those Silly Ethnics And Their Funny Words

, , | | Right | December 19, 2007

Customer: “Do you have burrito wrappers?”

Me: “Do you mean tortillas?”

Customer: “Well, I guess you could call them that.”

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All That For Nothing

, , | Right | November 30, 2007

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes please, you sell doonoo?”

Me: “I’m sorry? Do we sell what?”

Customer: *points at menu board* “You know, noots!”

Me: *looks up to where he’s pointing which is a picture of some bagels* “Bagels?”

Customer: “No! Noots! Doonoots!”

(This went on for several minutes, both of us getting more and more frustrated until…)

Me: “Wait, are you saying nuts?”

Customer: “Yes, yes!”

Me: “We have peanuts for our ice cream sundaes.”

Customer: “No, no, no. DOOnoots!”

Me: *with a huge smile of understanding* “You mean doughnuts?!”

Customer: “Yes!!”

(Keep in mind we had been working on this for a good five minutes. He now looks so excited that what I say next nearly breaks my heart.)

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t sell doughnuts.”

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