Why Hello, Pheven

, , | | Right | February 4, 2009

Me: “I’m here to help, sir. Now, can I start with your name?”

Caller: “Yeah. It’s Steven.”

Me: “Is that ‘Steven’ with a V, or ‘Stephen’ with a PH?”

Caller: “No, it’s Steven with an S, idiot!”

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Clarity Is Key

, , | | Right | January 23, 2009

Me: “Hi, sir, how are you today? Is there something I can get for you?”

Customer: “Fish.”

Me: “Well, you sure came to the right place. What kind of fish would you like?”

Customer: “Dead fish.”

Me: “…”

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Is There Anything That Guy Can’t Do?

, , | | Right | December 23, 2008

Customer: “Do you have movie with Forrest Gump?”

Me: “Yes, we have the movie Forrest Gump; would you like me to tell you where it is?”

Customer: “No, I look for movie Forrest Gump where he gets big.”

Me: “Uhh… do you mean you’re looking for the movie ‘Big’ with Tom Hanks?”

Customer: “Not Tom Hanks, ‘FORREST GUMP’! ‘BIG’!”

Me: “…”

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Perhaps She Should Talk To General Protection Fault

, , , | | Right | November 5, 2008

Customer: “I am calling to let you know that you are running an illegal operation.”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “That’s right! My computer says so right on the screen!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a Microsoft error message that says, ‘Your program has performed an illegal operation.'”

Customer: “There is nothing wrong with my computer! I have a 15-inch neck!” *hangs up*

(I assume the customer was referring to her monitor… a 15-inch NEC.)

 

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All Signs Point To Duh

, , , , | | Right | November 5, 2008

Customer: “I bought these games yesterday, and I don’t want them. I want my money back.”

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t give you cash back. I can exchange them for credit so you can choose something else.”

Customer: “I was not told that when I bought them.”

Me: “Yeah, sorry… but we do have signs up.” *I point to two of these signs*

Customer: “Well, I’m illiterate, so I couldn’t know! Now give me my f****** money!”

Me: “As I said, I am sorry, but I can only do it as credit.”

Customer: “But, there was no way I could know that when I bought them! I’m illiterate!”

Me: “Well, there was no way we could know that when you bought them. Perhaps you could get a sign?”

 

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