Dig Deeper At Your Own Risk

, , , | | Right | March 24, 2009

(A customer and her young son are buying a bag of birdseed when she notices a picture of my horse on the board behind me.)

Customer: “Oh, what a beautiful horse! Is he a black stallion?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, he’s a gelding.”

Customer: “Oh… what’s the difference?”

Me: “A gelding is a male horse who’s been castrated.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Uh… a male horse who’s been neutered.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “A male horse who’s had his testicles surgically removed.”

Customer: “I still don’t…”

Me: “A horse with no balls, ma’am.”

Customer: *covering her son’s ears* “My goodness! My son’s only five, you know! He doesn’t need to hear that language!”

Me: “…have a nice day, ma’am.”

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This Land Was Made For Me Not You

, , | | Right | March 11, 2009

Me: “Hello. May I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like two bean burritos, two fah-jee-tuhs, grilled stuffed burritos, and a large drink.”

Me: “Fah-jee-tuh?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “You mean fajitas?”

Customer: “No, we don’t pronounce it like that! We’re in America, not Mexico!”

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Guidance Counseling, Customer Style

, , , | | Right | March 11, 2009

(I’m finishing a long transaction for a supermarket customer.)

Customer: “You realise that you didn’t say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ throughout all of that?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought I did.”

Customer: “Do you go to college or is this your full-time job?!’

Me: “I go to college, but–”

Customer: “GOOD! DON’T DO THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY CRAP AT IT!”

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Those Foreigners And Their Funny Continents

, , , | | Right | March 5, 2009

(I’m visiting a friend of mine at work when this exchange occurs.)

Customer: *notes my friend’s nametag* “Matt-ie-oh… What a neat name. Where’s it from?”

Friend: “It’s pronounced mah-tay-oh, actually. It’s Spanish.”

Customer: “Oh, really? You don’t look Mexican.”

Friend: “I’m not; I’m Spanish.”

Customer: “Well, what’s the difference?”

Friend: “The Atlantic Ocean?”

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I’m Afraid You Can’t Spell, Dave

, , , | | Right | February 20, 2009

(I am monitoring the customers at the self-checkout machines when a customer holding cilantro angrily waves me over.)

Me: “Sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “These machines are so useless! They don’t even have cilantro under the look-up list!”

Me: “Sir, it’s because you’re looking under ‘S’ instead of ‘C’ — cilantro is spelled with a ‘C.'”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re a know-it-all, huh? We’ll see what you know when these machines take over YOUR job one day!”

Me: “…”

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