Ruined By A Double-Negative

, , , , | Learning | August 22, 2017

(It is the end of the year, and almost every classroom is being used for testing. Because of this, my class has been forced to wait in the hallway. All of us are all tired and hot. Classmate #1 is lying on their backpack.)

Classmate #2: *walks over to [Classmate #1]*

Classmate #1: “Don’t touch me.”

Classmate #2: *hovers hands over [Classmate #1] without touching them*

Classmate #1: “Stop it.”

Classmate #2: “Stop what? I’m not doing anything.”

Classmate #1: “[My Name], make him stop.”

Me: “[Classmate #2], stop doing nothing.”

Classmate #2: *pokes [Classmate #1]*

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Initially Confusing

, , | Working | August 21, 2017

(I work at a hotel in reservations. We get a lot of calls from one particular third-party booking company who doesn’t seem to hire the smartest people. After the standard arguing with the representative, she asks me for my name for her notes.)

Me: “It’s [My First Name].”

Representative: “And the initial of your last name?”

Me: “It’s J.”

Representative: “And how do you spell that?”

Me: “…It’s J?”

Representative: “And how do you SPELL that?”

Me: “J. It’s one letter!”

Representative: *sighs* “HOW do you SPELL THAT?!”

Me: “J! My initial is J! You can’t spell out one letter!”

Representative: “Fine! I’ll just put [My First Name] and that you refused to give your initial!” *hangs up*

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Sometimes Those Do Require Some Management

, , , , , | Working | August 18, 2017

I’m working one day when a high school-age girl walks in and hands me a filled-out job application. Despite the fact that we don’t require a resume to apply here, she’s gone ahead and stapled one to the application. I thank her and duck into the back to put the resume on the manager’s desk.

Despite myself, I risk a peek at the girl’s resume. She has a previous job at a different fast food restaurant listed under “job experience,” and it looks as if one of her prior duties was “managing afternoon shifts.”

Unfortunately, she left the “f” out of the word “shifts.”

She didn’t get the job, but we all had a good laugh over the typo.

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Basket Free-Balling

, , , | Learning | August 18, 2017

(This is in a college class. The professor is always in a suit and is laid back. Our entire major is very laid back as well.)

Student: “Sorry I’m late. My professor had a word with me about my clothes.”

Professor: *looking at his basketball t-shirt and shorts* “Your clothes? What’s wrong with your clothes?”

Student: “Yes. She has a problem with me wearing basketball shorts.”

Professor: “Why?”

Student: “I don’t know…”

Professor: “You should’ve said ‘okay’ and taken them off.”

Student: “Um…”

Professor: “Okay, maybe not.”

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Does That Mean The Sugar Is Sucreted?

, , , , | Working | August 18, 2017

(I ordered a combo meal and iced coffee at a local drive-in:)

Me: “Can you add milk to my iced coffee?”

Clerk: “Oh, don’t worry, iced coffee is already cremated… Umm, well.”

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