Insanity Comes Through Loud And Clear

, , | | Right | April 22, 2009

(This guy calls in and gets the wrong department. The correct department is in another city, or perhaps country.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t access your account from my department. If you’ll let me put you on hold, I’ll transfer you to someone who–”

Customer: “No! Every time I get put on hold I get dropped.”

Me: “Well, I can’t help you unless you let me put you–”

Customer: “Stop interrupting me!”

Me: “I… I’m not–”

Customer: “Yes, you are! Do we have to start using the over-and-out method?”

Me: “I’m not sure what–”

Customer: “After everything I say, I say ‘over.’ Then you can talk. Then you say ‘over,’ and I can talk.”

Me: “I’m not really sure that’s necess–”

Customer: “Now, I need to put more minutes on my phone. Over.”

Me: “I’m in the post-paid department and I can’t access prepaid accounts here. If you’ll let me transfer you I can get someone who can help you. Over.”

Customer: “No. I refuse to be put on hold. Just get someone to come over and use your phone.”

(There is a long pause.)

Customer: “Hello? Are you ignoring me?” *another long pause* “HELLOOOOOO!”

Me: “You didn’t say ‘over.'”

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One Man’s Art Is Another Man’s Political Agenda

, , , | | Right | April 21, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Hello, this is [Video Rental].”

Customer: “Yes. I would like a refund. This movie is in a different language!”

Me: “What movie is it?”

Customer:Pan’s Labyrinth.”

Me: “Yes, sir. That’s a foreign film. If you’d like, you can come and exchange it for an English-language film.”

Customer: “Why do they do that?”

Me: “Do what, sir?”

Customer: “Make movies in other languages.”

Me: “It wasn’t made in America, sir.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not giving them immigrants any of my money!”

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The Internet: Damaging Self-Esteem, One User At A Time

, , | | Right | April 8, 2009

Patron: “I was trying to go to a website, and a message popped up that said, ‘This website may be trying to harm your computer. Do you want to continue?'”

Me: “That’s just a warning message. If you know the website, you can just click ‘OK’.”

Patron: “Yes, I know the website. My friend made it. I don’t think that message is very nice.”

Me: “I assure you it’s nothing personal. That message just appears on websites the computer doesn’t recognize.”

Patron: “Well, it’s not nice. That message scared me about my own friend’s website. Do you know somebody you can talk to about that?”

Me: “The system’s warning message?”

Patron: “Yes.”

Me: “Of course. I’ll send them an e-mail about it right now.”

(I pretended to type on my laptop until they left.)

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Best Idea I’ve Heard All Day

, , , | | Right | April 8, 2009

(The receptionist at our computer repair store is handling a customer at the front desk.)

Customer: “Can you fix my laptop screen? There’s a big black mark on it.”

(The customer opens the laptop to show a cracked screen.)

Receptionist: “How did that happen?”

Customer: “I closed it, but there was a beer bottle lid inside. It went weird after that.”

Receptionist: “We can repair it for you, but it will cost approximately $1,000 as this is physical damage and not covered by warranty.”

Customer: “I am not paying $1,000 to repair a stupid laptop! You are trying to rip me off, you little b****! It’s under warranty! I know my rights!”

Receptionist: “I am sorry, sir, but we cannot replace the LCD under warranty and you will have to pay for it yourself if you want it replaced.”

Customer: “I’m not paying, so you can go f*** yourself!”

Receptionist: “That’s the best idea I have heard all day, thanks! I’ll go do that right now.”

(The receptionist goes around corner and into back room.)

Customer: “What the f***?!” *leaves, slamming door*

Receptionist: “Is he gone?”

Manager: “Yes, are you finished?”

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I LAve L.A.

, , , , | | Right | March 31, 2009

Customer: *holds up sweatshirt* “Oh, my god, they spelled this wrong!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Los Angeles!”

Me: “Um, that’s how you spell it.”

Customer: “Nooooo. It says LOS Angeles, but it’s supposed to be LAS Angeles. It’s pronounced LAS Angeles. Am I right?”

Customer’s Friends: “Yeah, totally!”

Customer: “And, actually, shouldn’t it be LAS AngeLAS? Because that’s how you say it, LAS AngeLAS!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I can’t believe no one has ever noticed this before!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s shocking…”

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