Love Is Equal In Every Language

, , , | Learning | June 29, 2017

(We have foreign languages class and the teacher ask everyone to pair up and perform dialogue. This dialogue is between two people who both mention a wife; otherwise, there is no hint on gender. In previous classes, the teacher had told us to change gender in dialogues if applicable. They did. I didn’t.)

Teacher & Students: *surprised*

Partner: “Mr. [Teacher] told the girls to change it to husband.”

Me: “I don’t need to. Why can’t I have a wife?”

Partner: “You’re gay?”

Me: “I’m bi.”

(The class gasps, surprised or understanding.)

Teacher: *awkwardly* “Let’s not get off topic; just continue on. Anyone can have a wife.”

(Unfortunately, after this, when dialogues called for similar things, we had a few straight boys, who were friends, who purposely changed dialogue so they had boyfriends and husbands or chose the part of a woman to do so and did it dramatically. It made the class and teacher amused. It got really ridiculous because they did this for fun, and once, a boy even brought in his mum’s dress to wear. The teacher allowed it, but only while he was performing if he wore it over his uniform. I switched class next semester.)

Today’s Lesson Is “The Penis Game”

, , , , | Learning | June 27, 2017

It was standard in my middle school that everyone took health class the second semester of eighth grade, so half the school is in the “sex ed” chapter all at once every year.

I am in math class one morning, and it’s dead quiet while we work on a quiz. Suddenly, from the other side of the wall we hear what must be the entire class yell “PENIS” at the top of their lungs.

Cue the shocked pause and then 35 thirteen-year-olds dying laughing. We didn’t get the quiz done for another 20 minutes.

I found out later that the teacher had everyone get over the “awkwardness” of talking about sex and bodies by having the whole class yell each vocab word in that chapter. And, of course, being 13 and 14, guess what word everyone always shouted the loudest?

Requests Against Humanity

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2017

(I work in the hardware department of an aging retail franchise. I receive a call during a busy holiday season shift and a somewhat-elderly woman’s voice speaks to me from the other end of the line.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]’s hardware department! [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, is this Toys?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but only our [Larger District] store has a dedicated toys department, but we do have some toys. What are you looking for today?”

Customer: “Well, I was hoping to find a certain board game. Have you ever heard of Card Games for Humanity?”

(Her voice leads me to believe she is very humble and prim. Cards Against Humanity is one of my favorite games, but I don’t think she was buying it for herself. So I spare as much detail as possible.)

Me: “Hmmm. That sounds familiar; however, we don’t sell that game in our store. I can tell you, though, that they definitely sell it on [Online Store] if you want to find it!”

Customer: “Oh, wait… did I say Card Games for Humanity? I meant Card Games Against Humanity. I played that last night at my son’s house, and it was a f****** riot! I love that game!”

(At my manager’s discretion, we had a small, appropriate conversation about it before laughing ourselves off the phone.)

Used By The Fashion Police

, , , , , , | Right | June 22, 2017

Customer: “Do you have body bags?”

Me: “Umm… what?”

(The customer describes something like a poncho.)

Me: “A poncho?”

Customer: “NO! A BODYBAG.”

(The customer then flagged down someone of another ethnicity to help her, saying they would know what she meant. I still have no idea.)

I Heart Math

, , , , | Learning | June 22, 2017

(Our teacher has written a question on the board and a fellow student is trying to answer it.)

Student: *finishes writing answer*

Teacher: “x<34?”

Student: “No, it’s lesser than four times—”

Teacher: “But you have put a three in there after less than.”

Student: “Isn’t that how you write it?”

Teacher: “No. Less than is just the arrow.”

Student: “That’s how I’ve always written it.”

Other Student: “Sir, less than 3 is a love heart in text language.”

Teacher: “Oh, I see. Please, no one do that in exams. I beg of you.”

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