A Boob In The Hand…

, , , | Learning | September 5, 2017

(Our teacher is wearing a t-shirt with “GALAPAGOS” and pictures of birds printed on it.)

Principal: “What are those?” *gestures to the pictures on [Teacher’s] chest*

Teacher: “Boobies.”

(The birds were called boobies, from the Galapagos Islands. Once our teacher explained it, the principal thought it was hilarious.)

Christophe-Hand Bullying

, , , , , | Learning | September 4, 2017

(We are lucky enough to have an actual French woman teach us French. The only problem is that she and I clash over my name. The French equivalent of my name is Christophe. The teacher, being “authentic,” calls out my name this way when taking register. Despite me asking her to call me Chris, she refuses.)

Teacher: “Christophe.”

Me: *I just stare blankly at her refusing to answer*

Teacher: “Christophe.”

(We stare at one another as she repeats the name twice more.)

Teacher: “Okay, Christophe, if you don’t respond to your name, I will take you to the head teacher!”

Me: “I’ll respond when you say MY NAME!”

Teacher: “This is the French way of saying your name!”

Me: “That’s great; were my parents French, they would have called me that. However, they are English and they called me Christopher! You call every other student in this room by the name they have asked you to. Yet I have repeatedly asked you not to call me that, and you have refused. This is bullying, and if you want to go to the head teacher, I’ll go with you, and we can tell him how you have singled me out and refuse to call me by a name which I like and is appropriate.”

(There is a sort of stunned silence while everyone takes in what I just said.)

Teacher: “Okay, then, I’m marking you as present, but we shall discuss this after class with the head of the language department.”

(After class we both went to see the head of the language department, who took her side. When I got home later, it turned out my parents had been phoned. Thankfully, they backed me up fully saying that it was bullying and unfair to use a name I had repeatedly asked not to be called. I later got an actual apology letter from the teacher, and the remaining months of lessons with her were very pleasant – even if I only BARELY passed French.)

Telemarketers Have Done A Real Job On You

, , , , | Working | September 4, 2017

(Telemarketers seem to be running rampant and keep calling me at ridiculous hours. My parents tell me to hang up the phone immediately. I get a phone call at 7:30 am, and luckily I am up for school.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “I’m looking for [Name].”

Me: “Sorry, there is no [Name] here.”

Caller: “No [Name]?”

Me: “Yeah, sorry. Good luck!”

(I hung up and didn’t think much of it, until around lunch when I saw I had a voicemail. It was a job offer that I had been waiting to hear back from. They said in the message that they accidentally misread my name, but still wanted me. I am so glad I was polite!)

My Moon And My Stars

, , , | Romantic | September 4, 2017

(I’m swapping silly “I love yous” with my significant other:)

Me: “Also, I earths you.”

Me: “…and moons…”

Me: “…and other assorted celestial bodies.”

Significant Other: “You moons me?”

Me: “Uh… that was maybe poorly phrased.”

Tapped Into A Never-Ending Flow Of Puns

, , , , , | Friendly | September 3, 2017

(I am at a restaurant with my boyfriend and two of his friends. My boyfriend has just showed everyone a picture on his phone of an advertisement for a giant ice cream sundae, served in a kitchen sink, with the tagline, “INCLUDING THE KITCHEN SINK!”)

Me: “We need to go eat that, right now.”

Friend #1: “I don’t know. Thinking about eating that is giving me a SINKing feeling.”

Friend #2: “Me, too. We’ll just be DRAINed afterwards.”

Boyfriend: “C’mon, guys! We can totally do it if we’re all in SINK!”

Me: *head on table* “I hate all of you.”

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