We’re Not Clownin’ Around

, , | Fremont, CA, USA | Working | May 29, 2013

(This happens while I am working for a bookstore on Halloween. As a result, several coworkers are dressed up. Two cops enter the store as if searching for something and come up to my counter.)

Cop #1: “Hello, miss. We were called here with a report about an altercation, and that a witness with details was working here?”

(Note: 10 minutes before the cops came, my coworker had told me to direct any cops to her.)

Me: “Oh, yes, sir! You’ll just need to talk to the clown down there.”

(I point down the line of registers.)

Cop #2: “Look, miss, you may not like your coworker, but there is no need to call them names.”

Me: “I think [Coworker] is a very nice person, sir, but seriously, if you want your answers, you really will have to talk to the clown down there.

(Again, I point down the line of registers.)

Cop #1: “Look, miss, your attitude towards your co—”

(At this point, the cops are interrupted but a series of loud squeaky honks. They turn to look the way I’ve been pointing all this time and see my coworker (who is dressed up as an old-fashioned, rainbow-colored, poofy-wigged, and squeaky-nosed clown) waving her arms frantically and honking her nose to get their attention.)

Me: “As I’ve been saying gentlemen, if you want to talk to the witness, you’re really going to have to talk to the clown down there.”

([Cop #1] sees my coworker and is struggling to keep his laughter contained. [Cop #2] gets a resigned look on his face.)

Cop #2: “I really hate Halloween.”

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Weekly Roundup: Language Hides Nothing!

, | Not Always Right | Right | February 10, 2013

Weekly Roundup: Language Hides Nothing! This week, we feature five stories of bad customers badmouthing employees in another language… unfortunately for them, the employee understands every word!

  1. In A Tsary State (5,254 thumbs up)
  2. Customers Should Watch Their Language, Part 2 (4,345 thumbs up)
  3. Taiwannical Behavior (1,632 thumbs up)
  4. Es-pwñ-ol (1,822 thumbs up)
  5. Parlez-vous Douchebag (2,053 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

His Translation Is A Sham(rock)

, | Portland, OR, USA | Right | January 4, 2013

(I work as a cashier. Two customers are in my line: an older man with a grimace and a younger man with a thick Irish accent. The Irishman, Customer #1, has jostled the older man, Customer #2.)

Customer #1: “Hey, watch it!”

Customer #2:You watch it, boy! Why’d you get in my way?”

Customer #1: “Get in your way? Oh, come on!”

Customer #2: *looks at me* “You saw that, right? He bumped his cart right into me!”

Customer #1: “Look, let’s not get her involved. You can just go in front of me. ‘Pogue mahone’ (póg mo thóin), all right?

Customer #2: “What was that?”

Customer #1: “Oh, ‘Pogue mahone’? It’s an Irish phrase. We say it when we want to end an argument. Here you go; you can go first.”

Customer #2: “Darn right, I will. Youth these days need to learn to be a little more respectful.”

(I check him out and he leaves. [Customer #1] steps up, and I begin checking his things out.)

Customer #1: “I sure hope he doesn’t look up what that really means when he gets home.”

Me: “Why? What does it mean?”

Customer #1: “It’s Irish for ‘Kiss my a**.’,a”

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Weekend Roundup: Spelling Disasters

, | Not Always Right | Right | May 13, 2012

Spelling Disasters! This week, we share five stories of customers with spelling so bad, they need it spelled out for them!

  1. Their Spelling Is Wrong, But They Are Sticking To It:
    E is for Elmer’s Eskimos—you know, the ones that live in Eglues!
  2. It’s Spelled I-d-i-o-t:
    Welcome to Indiamimbindokiamn, Indiana. Population: Stupid!
  3. I Have Lost A Dream:
    A lost customer does battle with an abbreviation—and loses.
  4. Congra-duh-lations:
    Congra-du-lations, your cake’s spelling is a lie!
  5. Spelling Gone Rogue:
    Somehow, “going rouge” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Customers Should Watch Their Language

, | Buenos Aires, Argentina | Right | December 2, 2010

(I work in tech support for a major US cable company, and sometimes we have to deal with people who just don’t want to talk to you because you’re foreign.)

Customer: “You know what? I can’t understand a word you’re saying. You have an accent. Can I be transferred to someone who speaks English?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I’m speaking English right now, sir.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I can’t understand you because of your accent.”

Me: “So, basically you’re saying you want me to transfer you to someone else.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Because I have an accent.”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Me: “And you can’t understand what I’m saying.”

Customer: “Exactly.”

Me: “So how come you were able to understand what I just said?”

(A few seconds of silence.)

Customer: “Don’t be an a**-hole and just transfer me!”

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