Might Not Just Be The Drinks They’re Sharing

, , , , , | Right | September 21, 2018

(I am a cashier at a small, gourmet grocery store. Two men approach my register, each with a drink they wish to purchase. They place both drinks on the register counter and move towards the card reader.)

Me: “Are you two together?”

Man #1: “Oh, no, no, no, no. Nothing like that.”

Man #2: “No, we’re just friends! Just friends!

Me: “Sorry, I meant, ‘Will the drinks be paid for in one transaction?'”

Man #1: “Oh, yes.”

Front End Manager: *muttering two registers behind me* “Thou protesteth too much.”

Getting Her Panties In A Twist

, , , | Right | September 21, 2018

(I have quite a few people from other countries come into my store. It is pretty common for us to attempt to communicate with charades. I am working the service desk, and a woman comes up to me.)

Customer: “I need strippas.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “STRIPPAS! I need strippas for my panties!”

(I am staring at her as though she is insane.)

Me: “I don’t believe we sell strippers here…”

(She then takes a bag and demonstrates what panties are by holding it against herself.)

Customer: “Strippas for elastic. My elastic no good. Need strippas.”

(I figured she was talking about elastic coming out of her panties. So, I pointed her toward the fabric counter. A few minutes later she ran out of the store, screaming, “TOO MUCH!”)

Your Pay Is Horrific

, , , , , , , | Working | September 20, 2018

(Today is Thursday the 12th, and the company payday is tomorrow. In an attempt to make reference to the Jason Voorhees slasher films, I see one of my coworkers and go right up to him.)

Me: “Oh, hey, tomorrow is 9/11!”

Coworker: “Wait… What?”

(I stammered and explained that I was trying to say, “Tomorrow, we get paid on Friday the 13th.” How horrifying.)

Piss-Poor Grammar

, , | Healthy | September 20, 2018

(Sometimes, providers fill in a prescription without proofreading, leading to gems like this:)

Prescription: “One capsule once a day to make it easier to urinate by mouth.”

Depends What Part Of The Cow You Get

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(We are working the drive-thru at dinner time, at a restaurant known for soups and sandwiches.)

Order Taker: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. This is [Order Taker]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Can I get that steak and areola sandwich?”

(It took everything we had not to laugh!)

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