That’s What You Get For Pottering Around Farmer’s Markets

, , | Right | January 20, 2019

(I’m the dumb customer in this one. I’m at a farmer’s market looking for some seedlings for a few herbs I’d like to grow. I live in an apartment so I can’t have a proper garden. I also don’t have much of a green thumb, so I approach the nice woman at the stall to ask about growing plants in pots. This is what happens, instead.)

Me: “What do you know about growing pot plants?”

Worker: *wide-eyed stare*

(Luckily, I realized my mistake before things got TOO awkward.)

Well, They Were A British Colony…

, , , , , | Right | January 20, 2019

(I work in an outsourced call centre for a well-known mobile phone brand. I have a “received pronunciation” accent which means that, although I’m Australian, born and bred, I sound like I’m an upper-class Brit. Most callers like my accent, which can lead to very difficult conversations along the “thank God you’re not an Indian” lines. This time, though, was a bit of a twist on that conversation.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Are you in India?”

Me: “No, I’m Australian, in Australia.”

Caller: “No, you’re Indian.”

Me: “Do I sound like I’m Indian?”

Caller: “Yes! Yes, you do!”

Me: *laughing* “Well, then, I guess I’m Indian…”

(The caller hung up.)

Snow Way You Thought That

, , , , | Related | January 18, 2019

(My mom is a “city girl,” meaning she grew up without the experiences of a rural lifestyle. She has never been on any type of recreational vehicle whatsoever. This day, my mom and dad are driving past the neighbor’s house when she notices a For Sale sign.)

Mom: “Oh, look, the neighbors are selling their… um… water motorcycle!”

Dad: *pauses while considers what she’s trying to describe* “Water motorcycle? Wait, you mean a jet ski?!”

Mom: “Yeah, a jet ski! I couldn’t think of the word.”

Dad: “Honey, that’s a snowmobile.”

Men Have Been Looking For That Department Forever!

, , , , , | Right | January 15, 2019

(I am at work at a shoe store when a customer walks in. She has a very thick accent.)

Customer: “Do you have clits?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Clits! Clits, you know, for soccer!”

Me: “OH, CLEATS! No, I’m sorry, we don’t sell those.”

Hold That Thought

, , , , , | Working | January 14, 2019

(I’m a cashier at a store. We’re encouraged to ask customers if they want a bag when buying only one or two items. A male customer is purchasing a single snack for himself.)

Me: “Would you like your nuts in a sack, or would you prefer to hold them?”

Customer: “…”

Page 1/14212345...Last