Some Customers Need A Lite Touch

, , , | | Right | May 26, 2018

Customer: “I would like to buy the iPad Mini Air Lite.”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry; I’m confused. What kind of iPad are you looking for?”

Customer: “The iPad Mini.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “Air Lite.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “It’s called an iPad Mini Air Lite.”

Me: “Hmm… I don’t think that’s a thing. There’s an iPad Mini, and there’s an ipad Air. I don’t think there’s an iPad Lite, though.”

Customer: “Oh, dear. I was sure it was called the iPad Mini Air Lite. It was in the flyer!”

(I page a coworker in electronics to call me, since I’m just on cash.)

Me: “Do we have, um… iPad Mini Air Lites?”

Coworker: *laughing on the other end of the line* “No. I’ll come talk to her.”

(She bought an iPad Mini.)

Don’t Have A Laughing Cow, Man

, , , , , , | | Working | May 25, 2018

(For one summer, I work at a grocery store. This store has a department where customers from small, isolated communities send us their food requests and we pick the food, bill it on a credit card, box it, and deliver it to an airline to be flown to that community. A coworker approaches me with a customer’s food list request.)

Coworker: “Hey, can you read French?”

Me: “A little bit, why?”

Coworker: “One item on this list is written in French, and the only word I understand is ‘fromage.’”

(The item in question reads, “Le fromage de la vache qui rit.”)

Me: “Hmm… the cheese… of the cow… who laughs? What?”

Coworker: “Oh! Laughing Cow Cheese!

Me: “There you go! Why on Earth was that in French?”

Coworker: “I have no idea.”

Now I Want One Of Those

, , , | | Right | May 24, 2018

(I am sixteen years old, and I just moved from New York to South Carolina. I still have a heavy New York accent, and I’m a fast talker. I work in a restaurant with coupons for free souvenirs: a cup, a lighter or a koozie.)

Customer: *with heavy southern accent* “This coupon here says I get a free gift. What’s my free gift?”

Me: “A cup, a lighter, or a koozie.”

Customer: “What’s a cupalighter?”

Me: “No, a cup, a lighter, or a koozie.” *trying to speak slower*

Customer: “I know what you said; what’s a cupalighter?”

Me: “Sigh. A cup. OR a lighter. Or a koozie.”

Customer: “Oh! You ain’t from around here are you?”

Me: “No.”

A Brain Blackout

, , , , , | | Working | May 23, 2018

(I’m the stupid coworker in this story. We review backgrounds in our office, and see a lot of criminal history — everything from DUIs to theft to murder. One of my coworkers is evaluating a case involving domestic battery. She is discussing the extent of the battery according to the person’s statement, and the arrest report, and how badly they differed. The coworker with the case, [Coworker #1], is of Asian descent, I am of European descent, and [Coworker #2], who is also listening in, is of African descent.)

Coworker #1: “These aren’t even close. He basically admits that he didn’t beat her that much.”

Coworker #2: “Can you list it as only half-beaten?”

Me: *totally not thinking this through* “Yeah, instead of beaten ‘black and blue,’ just list beaten ‘black.’”

(Thank God I have understanding coworkers who understood my lapse.)


, , , , | | Right | May 23, 2018

Customer: “That’s spelled wrong.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: *pointing at my name tag* “’Elizabeth’ is spelled wrong. There is no A in ‘Elizabeth.’”

Me: “Then it would just be ‘Eliz-beth.'”

Customer: “You don’t pronounce it that way! That’s just how it’s spelled!”

Me: “Well, it’s my name, so I assure you I know how it is spelled.”

Customer: “Well, maybe you should check your birth certificate again.”

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