Step One: Read ALL The Letters In Each Word

, , , , , , | Right | February 15, 2020

My mobile provider had a Cyber Monday sale. The offer was only valid online. I had some questions, so I tried to log in to the chat function. I had two mandatory fields: name and contract number.

I finally figured out my contract number… and the field wouldn’t accept it. Frustrated, I turned to Twitter to get help. It took a couple of minutes, and then I was informed that it was “contact number,” not “contract number.”


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Or Maybe It’s Just Because You’re An A**hole

, , , , , , | Working | February 13, 2020

(I assist people who are applying for certain positions with the company I work for. When we reject an application, we always send an email to the applicant to let them know. Most of the time, the responses say thanks for giving them a chance or ask when/if they can reapply. But sometimes, I do get a response from someone who just cannot handle being told no. This is one of my favorites. This is verbatim, so the spelling and grammar errors are his.)

Applicant Email: “I am receipt of your email, rejecting my application. But I must wonder if my age has an impact on the decision? Or is it that I am a registered Republican, and support our president? Or is it that I am a white male Or could it be that I am a Christian as well? My lawyer may have some interest in your answers to my questions.”

(Our applications don’t ask anything about race, religion, or political association. There was no way for anyone in the office to know any of this until he sent this.)

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A Real Joan Groan

, , , , | Right | February 13, 2020

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. Can I get your first and last name, please?”

Customer: “My name is Joann [Last Name].”

Me: “And is Joann spelled with an E?”

Customer: “No, with a J.”

(Later in the conversation:)

Me: “Okay, let me just verify that I’ve got all your information correct. Your name is Joann, spelled J-O-A-N-N…”

Customer: “No, that’s J-U… Wait, can you spell that again?”

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A United Kingdom But Not Always

, , , , , , , | Working | February 12, 2020

(My boyfriend and I are waiting in line to be served. We’re chatting about what food to order, but not in English. As we approach the cashier, she looks up and folds her arms.)

Cashier: “I hope you foreigners are planning on ordering in English.”

Boyfriend: “Pardon?”

Cashier: “We’re in the UK; you should be speaking English, not whatever [racial slur for Pakistani people] gibberish you were speaking.”

Boyfriend: “Actually, we’re in Wales, and we were speaking Welsh.”

Cashier: *turns red and runs off*

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We Have An Item To Discuss

, , , , , , | Working | February 11, 2020

(I’m at an ethnic food restaurant; the menu doesn’t have any sort of descriptions of the items.)

Me: *to waitress* “What is an [item]?”

Waitress: “It’s a [slightly different pronunciation].” *stares at me*

Me: *stares back for several seconds* “What is it?”

Waitress: “It’s an [item]!”

Me: “I have no idea what that is.”

Waitress: *explains it to me like I’m three years old instead of just telling me it’s a type of pasta*

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