The Number One Joke Of The Day

, , , , , | Learning | March 30, 2019

(In elementary school, our computer teacher starts off class every year with keyboarding practice. She does this by calling out each letter a couple of times followed by, “space” — for example “A, A, space” — which we then have to repeat as a class as we type it. We’re up to the letter P.)

Teacher: “All right. Everyone always wants to laugh when they hear me say, ‘P, P, space.’ So, if you’re going to laugh, do it now.”

(She actually gave us thirty seconds to laugh and get it out of our system before continuing with the lesson. And you can bet we did.)

Doesn’t Get How Taking Messages Works

, , , , | Right | March 5, 2019

(I work at a physician’s specialty office as a new patient scheduler and I am reaching out to a patient to schedule their appointment. Unfortunately, the information the referring office sent me contained an incorrect cell phone number. This is the conversation I have with said caller:)

Me: “Hello. May I please speak to [Patient]?”

Caller: “No, you have the wrong number, but can I take a message?”

Me: “You can’t take a message if this is the wrong number.”

Caller: “Oh.”

(It was a much-needed laugh after a very long and stressful day.)

We’re Meeting At Gettysburg – You Got The Address?

, , , , , , | Learning | February 16, 2019

(We’re learning about the Civil War.)

Student: “So, how did the two sides always end up at the same place? Did they, like, call each other on the phone and say, ‘Hey, you want to fight at Gettysburg tomorrow?'”

(Pretty sure that second part was facetious. It was a valid question!)

We’ll Assume He Got Up In The Afternoon

, , , , , , | Related | January 9, 2019

(My husband is singing nursery rhymes to our eighteen-month-old son. He starts singing:)

Husband: “It’s raining, it’s pouring! The old man is snoring. He went to bed and bumped his head… and died.”

Me: *starts laughing*

Husband: “What? It’s implied!”

This Church Is Grassroots

, , , , , , | Related | December 13, 2018

My family lives right down the street from a large church, which we pass on our way to our own church, school, and the store where we shop; basically, we pass it pretty much every day.

When I was in grade school, the church began a large expansion project to add a new wing onto the building. They dug a large hole in the ground next to the building, which I figured was going to be the basement for the new wing. Every day when I passed by the church, either in the car or the school bus, I would look at the hole to see if they had started building the new wing in it yet. Several months went by, and I saw nothing — still just a hole in the ground, even though there seemed to be workers there every day.

One day, while I was riding in the car with my mom, I said to her, “They still haven’t started building that new church yet!” And she responded, “Yes, they have; what do you call that?” She pointed to the side of the church opposite from the hole… where the new wing stood, completely finished.

Yes, that’s right: I had been so distracted looking at the hole every time I passed the church that I had completely missed the new wing going up right before my eyes. It turns out that the hole was actually just a large drainage ditch, which they just happened to be digging at the same time the construction was going on. In hindsight, I should have been clued in by the fact that they had spread grass seed in the hole, but my only thought upon noticing that was, “Why do they want grass in the basement?”

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