Gotta Be On Someone’s Bucket List

, , , , , | Friendly | March 13, 2018

(This happens when I’m being babysat by a neighbor. My parents have been reupholstering our kitchen chairs, so the seats of all of them are detached and sitting loose on the chairs. I curiously lift up one of the seats.)

Babysitter: *watching me* “Wow, that lifts up? That’s cool. It’s like a toilet! In fact, you could probably use it as a toilet. Just lift that up and put a bucket under there, and you could go to the bathroom while you’re eating supper!”

The Wrong Answers Are The Most Delicious

, , , , | Learning | February 8, 2018

(This happens in a sixth-grade math class.)

Teacher: “Make sure you only combine like terms. Terms that are different are like apples and oranges. If you combine them, you end up with fruit salad instead of the answer.”

Making An Explosive Discovery

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 26, 2018

(We are in middle school.)

Teacher: “Your body is constantly creating new blood cells.”

Student: “So, would you, like, explode if you never cut yourself?”

The Smell Of Cakes And Pies Is Absolutely Everywhere

, , , , , , , , | Right | January 12, 2018

(A local pizza shop is known for their creative specialty pizzas, and normally have ten or so in a display case to be sold by the slice; because the selection is always changing, it’s common for customers to ask what any given pie is. On my walk to the shop today, it started to snow.)

Me: *walks up to the counter, pointing to a pie* “What’s this?”

Employee: *lists toppings*

Me: *pointing to a different pie* “What’s this?”

Employee: *lists toppings*

Me: *pointing out the window at the falling snow* “There’s white things in the air…”

(The employee looks at me strangely. The gears are turning, but the light bulb hasn’t quite come on yet.)

Me: *pointing to a third pizza* “What’s this?”

Employee: *lists toppings*

Me: “There’s pizza everywhere…” *points to one last pie* “What’s this?”

(At this point, the light bulb went on and the employee burst out laughing… realizing that while I’d gotten two of the lines reversed, I did indeed just run him through the first couple stanzas of “What’s This?” from “The Nightmare Before Christmas.”)

A Chemical Reaction To Get You Fired

, , , , | Learning | December 13, 2017

During my senior year of high school, the last day of classes before Christmas break was interrupted by a fire alarm. We all evacuated, thinking at first that it was just a drill, but quickly realizing that the first floor of the building was filling with smoke. There was so much that it started setting off people’s asthma.

Still, everyone was able to evacuate safely and there was no visible fire, so no one was worried. We just enjoyed the impromptu break from classes and being able to be outside, since it was nice weather, despite being late December.

We were outside for quite a while, while the fire department cleared out the smoke–so long that we ended up missing three periods. The whole time, we were talking about what was going on, debating on how the fire could have started.

After they gave us the all-clear and we returned inside, we were informed of what happened. The fire had started in the chemistry lab–by the chemistry teacher, who thought it would be a good idea to throw hot, burning embers into a trash can full of paper towels.