These Nine Lives Outweigh Your One

, , , , , | Related | January 14, 2019

(I am visiting my mom, who still has the cats I grew up with. At one point I am in the living room cuddling with one of them.)

Mom’s Husband: “I thought you’d be spending time with your mom right now?”

Me: *curled up with my fifteen-year-old cat, face buried in her soft fluffy belly* “But… I only have a few more years left with her!”

Mom: *coming around the corner with a shocked look on her face* “Oh! You were talking about HER! I thought you were talking about ME!”

Me: “GOD no! I expect to have at least another thirty years with YOU!”

(Unfortunately, that plus all of us laughing was too much noise for kitty’s naptime, so she cut off my cuddle time to flounce off and relax somewhere else. Fortunately, she’s now eighteen and still in great health. I expect she’ll make it into her twenties.)

Politely Leave Them Hanging

, , , , , , | Related | April 13, 2018

My mom is telling me about a very frustrating exchange she had with the customer service of a large bus company, ending with, “…and that’s why I hung up on them.”

I have to stifle a laugh, because I was in the room with her for the end of the call. Most people hang up on someone by simply hanging up without a word. My mom’s version of hanging up on someone is to say, “I’m going to hang up now. Merry Christmas. Goodbye.”

Will Be Rattling Around For A While Longer

, , , , , | Related | October 19, 2017

(I’m visiting my mom, who’s just dug out some old stuff from the basement. She comes into the room and shows me an old, dented metal rattle.)

Mom: “Oh, look, it’s your old baby rattle!”

Me: “Really?”

Mom: “Yeah. It was mine, too!”

Me: “Cool! Oh, and it’s silver, so–“

Mom: “You could sell it for a bit?”

Me: “What? No! Silver is naturally antiseptic, so it’s good to give to babies. You really think I’d sell it?!”

Mom: “Well, I don’t know…”

(I have few things like that from my childhood, and passing them onto my children or niblings is worth infinitely more than whatever paltry sum I’d be able to sell them for!)