(My family physician tells me that I need to get some blood work done. So, I go to the medical lab nearby to get this arranged.)

Me: “Hi, Dr. [Name] told me I needed to get some blood work done here. Could I possibly make an appointment?”

Receptionist: “No, we don’t take appointments.”

Me: “I see. So does that mean it can be done right now?”

Receptionist: “No, unfortunately, we can’t fit you in today. However, I do have a slot open for 11:15 AM on Saturday.”

Me: “Oh, so you do take appointments.”

Receptionist: “It’s not an appointment. This just happens to be the earliest possible date and time we can fill you in on.”

Me: “Okay, I can live with that. 11:15 on Saturday will work just fine.”

Receptionist: “All right, I just penciled you in. See you on Saturday!”

(I got my ‘not-appointment’ and left the lab satisfied. I then showed up to my not-appointment the following Saturday and got my blood work done without a hitch. Thanks to the not-appointment I arranged, of course!)

(I am working in a roading company. One of our tests is to rate stone chips for cleanliness in order to see if they can be used for certain applications. This test has a twenty-minute waiting period for settling in a column of water. Note that all tests in a laboratory like this need to be done to a proscribed international standard, or the laboratory can be closed down.)

Supervisor: “Are you doing the Cleanness tests?”

Me: “Yes, there’s five of them.”

Supervisor: “How come you take so long to do them? I hear you sit the tubes on the bench for twenty minutes!”

Me: “That’s part of the test procedure.”

Supervisor: *laughs* “You come up with some good excuses to slack off, I’ll give you that! Look, you know you can work around the manual, don’t you? There’s bound to be some shortcut in it!”

Me: “I don’t think there is, but if you can find one, I’ll do it gladly.”

Supervisor: “I’m going to check out the manual right now. You try and challenge me, and you’ll see what happens!”

(I get two tests done completely and am working on a third when he returns.)

Supervisor: *grinning* “So, you think you’re pretty clever about the Cleanness test method?”

Me: “Well, I have been doing it for—”

Supervisor: “Oh, you were right… but I’ve just been into your personnel file and written a note saying you have a problem with authority. How do you like THOSE onions, clever boy?!”

(From then on, every time we had a new manager—which we did frequently—the person with a “problem with authority” was always singled out and made special notice of by the new manager.)

(I have just started work with a new company to get some experience during my senior year of college. This happens during my first week.)

Boss: “Okay, I need you to take all these chemicals out of this barrel and put them in the cabinet here.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. So why are they all thrown into this barrel? Just using it to move them around?”

Boss: “No, actually, the EPA tried to confiscate all of them, but I stole them back!”

Caller: “Hi, I’m looking for [Coworker].”

Me: “I’m sorry, but she retired last month.”

Caller: “Oh… can you have her call me back?”

Me: “I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear before. She retired and is no longer employed here. Can you tell me what you are calling about so I can direct you to someone else?”

Caller: “No, no, that’s fine. I’ll just call for her again later.”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but she won’t be here later. She retired. She’s gone.”

Caller: “It’s okay. I’ll just call for her later.”

Me: “Sir, you don’t understand. Other members of our group have taken over her responsibilities, so if you can tell me what it is you needed to talk to her about, I can direct you to someone who can help you.”

Caller: “So, can I call back next week?”