Should Double-Check The CEO’s Resume

, , , , , | | Working | May 27, 2018

(We’re hiring a new research associate for the lab, and I’m in charge of vetting resumes to choose our new hire. After a few weeks, we interview someone we like, and we hire him. Shortly afterwards, I notice we’re still receiving resumes, so I talk to our HR consultant.)

Me: “Hey, I noticed we’re still receiving applications for the research associate position. I checked, and it looks like the job is still listed on [Job Website].”

HR: “Yes, it’s still there.”

Me: “But… shouldn’t we take it down? People are applying, thinking the position is still open.”

HR: “Well, we paid to have the ad posted for 30 days, so we’re going to leave it posted for 30 days.”

Me: “Isn’t that misleading?”

HR: “Sorry. It’s what [CEO] wants.”

(This was her answer to almost everything. Even worse, it was usually accurate.)

Some Humor Is See-Through

, , , | Working | April 17, 2018

(Our new lab technician has a sense of humour.)

Lab Tech: *pushing the dirty glassware cart along the rows of benches in the lab* “Glass for the Glass God! Glass for the Glass God!”

(We empty and rinse our used glassware and put it in her cart. She comes to the row where the lab professor works.)

Lab Tech: “Glass for the Glass God! Glass for the Glass God!”

Professor: *confused* “Wha – what?”

Lab Tech: “Do you have any dirty glassware for the glass wash?”

Professor: “Ah! Ah, no, I don’t. Thank you, though.”

Lab Tech: *next row of benches* “Glass for the Glass God! Glass for the Glass God!”

Professor: *muttering* “I know what I thought I heard.”

Unfiltered Story #107574

, , , | Unfiltered | March 20, 2018

I work as a volunteer research assistant running psychology lab studying reaction and attention. Students can sign up to be participants for extra credit in certain courses or for a small amount of money. On the sign-up website, the studies students can sign up are listed by code names, but in reality, we choose two to three studies that needs more participants and run those all week. This means that we run the same study under multiple code names. There are also two types of studies: 30 minute study for one credit or five dollars, or 60 minute credit for two credits or 10 dollars.

We have just set up a student for a 60-minute study for two credits when she tells us that she’s already done that study before. The only other study we’re running at that time is a one-credit 30-minute study. We set her up in that one and message the lab coordinator to see whether we need to take away her two-credit and get her to sign up for the one-credit study so we can credit her correctly. The student finishes her study early (as is typical for most participants) and asks what will happen with her credit and we don’t have an answer for her yet. I promise to email her once I hear back from the coordinator.

A couple of hours later, the coordinator finally messages me back saying she can keep the two-credits since she had no way of knowing it was going to be the same study. I pull up the email app on my phone and let her know. A couple of hours later, she emails me back thanking me, and I finally notice that my entire message was in the subject line of the email… and the body of email only held my signature.

IP Address:

This Is What Happens When You Sniff Too Much Ammonia

, , , , , | Learning | November 17, 2017

(Because of a specific chemistry assessment, several students need to come in after school to do lab work.)

Classmate #1: *pouring solution* “Ugh, the ammonia smells.”

Classmate #2: “Don’t insult the ammonia. The ammonia has feelings, you know.

Classmate #3: “Ammonia was my best friend for a year.”

Shirley, They Can’t Be Serious

, , , , , , | Working | November 16, 2017

(My coworker, responsible for quality, sees me.)

Coworker: “Ah, [My Name], is there any news on the microscope repair?”

Me: “I’m going to call the engineer shortly.”

Coworker: “What if he doesn’t want to be called shortly?”

Me: “Well, as long as I don’t call him Shirley… Or was that not supposed to be an Airplane joke?”

Coworker: “Eh?”

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