Let Me Check The Non-Existent Back For The Non-Existent Flower

, , , | Right | March 1, 2019

(I work in a small flower stall on a pretty busy street. We just got our flowers and stuff in the morning, and we do not have any storage rooms, which is pretty obvious. During my shift a customer comes up.)

Customer: “Do you have [flower] in red?”

Me: *knowing that this flower does not exist in that colour* “No, sir, I’m sorry, but this flower does not exist in red; therefore, we do not store it.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I am pretty sure, because it does not exist.”

Customer: “You just don’t want to look it up in your storage room.” *leaves angrily*

(Where the f*** are we supposed to have a storage room if we just have a small stall in the street? Some people.)

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That Girl Is Trouble… For The Customers

, , , , , | Working | February 21, 2019

(I work at a kiosk inside of a mall. This particular kiosk is even smaller than many other types of kiosks, so it’s exceedingly rare for there to be two or more employees at the same time. I have just handled a customer complaint, and after my attempt to remedy the situation, I get a call from my boss.)

Boss: “Hey, just calling to check how things are going.”

Me: “Yeah, I encountered a little problem not too long ago. Who was working last Saturday?”

Boss: “I was.”

Me: “Sorry to ask, but are you 100% sure? You didn’t hire anyone new or anything?”

Boss: “No, why?”

Me: “Well, a customer just complained about something that happened last Saturday. I’m having a hard time believing it was you because it’s not likely you would’ve made this kind of mistake, and the customer was complaining about a female employee. I thought we were all dudes here.”

Boss: “Did you say a female employee? Oh, g**d*** it. Not again!”

(It turns out his girlfriend visits him at the kiosk to hang out, and when he steps away to go to the bathroom or grab lunch from the food court, she approaches every passing mall patron very aggressively. Of the few sales she manages to obtain, she doesn’t explain the products or the kiosk’s policies adequately, causing frustration to the customer down the line. My boss still isn’t sure why she does this, because she isn’t getting paid for this work, and he has asked her, multiple times, to stop.)

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The People That Spam Was Made For

, , , , | Right | November 15, 2018

(I work in a cell phone kiosk. A customer comes in to reset his email password. He is an older gentleman and has mentioned in passing that he is married.)

Customer: *almost whispering* “So, those pop up ads with the cute girls… Those aren’t good, right?”

Me: “No, sir, they’re a scam.”

Customer: “Well, my friend said they were trying to steal from me.”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Customer: “Well, I just wanted to be sure. Are you sure I shouldn’t click on those pop-ups?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Customer: “How do I see the porn in my email?”

Me: “…”

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Unfiltered Story #122127

, , | Unfiltered | September 26, 2018

(Note: the mall kiosk I was in was located next to some vending machines. This led to many requests for change, which I wasn’t allowed to give)

Customer: (As I’m restocking inventory) Hi, I need ones for the machine. Can you break my 5?
Me: Oh, I’m sorry, but I can’t. Store policy says I can’t open the register unless I’m doing a sale. The food court is just around that corner though.
(He walks off, so I return to what I was doing, thinking that’s the end of it. Suddenly he’s in front if my face again.)
Customer: You CAN’T or you WON’T?! There’s a difference!
(He storms off before I can reply. He must have gotten change from somewhere, because a few minutes later he walks by again)
Customer: You’re too young to be such a b****!
(Storms over to the machines while I crack up laughing. Too bad he didn’t listen to me before. He could have gotten his soda a lot cheaper in the food court!)

Setting The Snowcone Tone

, , , , , , | Right | September 4, 2018

(At age 16, I am volunteering for the first time at a concession stand at a college football game to raise money for my church. Directly above the stand, a large sign says, “SNOW CONES $6 CASH ONLY.” Two guys in their twenties, apparently tipsy, come up to the stand.)

Me: “Welcome to [University] Stadium! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have beer?”

Me: “Sorry, but we only sell snow cones.”

Customer: “What? Where can I get beer?”

Me: “No alcohol is sold in the stadium, sir.”

Customer: “You’re f****** kidding me! Since when?”

Me: “As long as I know of.”

Customer: “Are you sure? You don’t have beer?!”

Me: “Quite sure. Would you like a snow cone?”

Customer: “I guess so. How much?”

Me: “Six dollars.”

Customer: “That’s so much!” *looks through his wallet* “Can I have it for five?”

Me: “Sorry, we can’t change the prices.”

(The customer hands me a credit card.)

Me: “Sorry, but the stands on this level are cash only. However, credit cards are accepted at stands on the ground floor.”

Customer: *to his friend* “What the f***?” *they start walking away*

Me: “Sorry for the inconvenience. Enjoy the game!”

Customer: “Are you sure you don’t have beer?”

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