It’s Too Early To Figure Out Earlier

, , , | Right | March 19, 2020

(I work in a little information booth on a university campus, distributing information on everything from buses to professor’s office phone numbers. It’s a very early Monday morning, which means my brain hasn’t been fully engaged yet.)

Customer: “Hey, I need to get to the corner of [Street #1] and [Street #2]. Which bus should I take and when does it leave?”

Me: “Well, you can take the A or the P; both leave every half hour, so the next one would be at 10:30. They pretty much take the same route up until those streets so either one would work.”

Customer: “Okay, so if I take the A at 10:30, will it get there before the one leaving at 11:00?”

Me: *thinking I’ve just misheard or am still a bit dull from getting up so early* “Um… Well, as I said, both buses take about the same route to get to those streets, so either will work.”

Customer: *in a patronizing tone* “Just listen to me, okay? I just want to know if the A leaving at 10:30 will get there before the one leaving at 11:00?”

Me: “Yes, the one leaving earlier will get there earlier.”

Customer: *happily* “Thanks!”

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Their Coffee Knowledge Is Not Strong

, , , | Right | March 3, 2020

(My mom owns a coffee roasting company in northern Indiana. Once a year, we sell coffee at a booth at the county fair. My sister and I help her sell coffee and give out samples. A middle-aged man approaches me wanting a sample. For context, it’s important to know that stronger, more caffeinated blends are always our lighter roasts rather than our darker roasts simply because when the beans are roasted for longer it burns out a lot of the caffeine in the bean itself.)

Customer: “I need to try a cup of your strongest coffee ASAP.”

Me: “Absolutely!”

(I try explaining to him the process of how the beans are roasted to make stronger coffee — people tend to think darker roasts are stronger because of the taste — but he cuts me off mid-explanation.)

Customer: “I know about all that; I know my coffee, kid.”

Me: “Okay, good to know.” *hands him his cup* “There you go, sir. Have a good one!”

Customer: “Yeah, thanks.”

(As he starts to walk away, I see him sip the coffee, stop walking, and sip it again. He turns around and storms back to the booth, getting in my face.)

Customer: “What the h*** is wrong with you? Cut the bulls*** with me right now because I know this isn’t your strongest roast.”

Me: “Sir, I tried to explain to you that lighter roasts have the most caffeine; you said you wanted the strongest roast we had and that’s it right there.”

Customer: “Oh, right. Thanks.”

(He sipped one more time and just walked away.)

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There Is No Policy Against Karma

, , , , , | Right | January 23, 2020

(I work at a cell phone kiosk and have been selling a new cell phone to a snooty and entitled customer. She has been rude the entire transaction but is thankfully finishing up her purchase.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, we’re almost done. Would you like some insurance on the phone? We have a plan where you can pay an extra $7.00 a month to secure your phone, or you can pay $95 upfront to have your phone insured for any damage — not covering loss or theft — for two years. It’s more money upfront but less in the long run.”

Customer: “Do I look like I need insurance?”

Me: *not realizing there was a look of someone not needing insurance* “I suppose not, ma’am. Here’s your phone and have a wonderful day.”

Customer: *already on her phone* “Yeah, yeah.”

(She turns on her heel and then immediately trips over from the turn and the phone slips from her grip, shattering the screen completely. It’s all I can do not to burst out laughing.)

Customer: “MY PHONE JUST BROKE! WHAT DO I DO NOW?!”

Me: “I could sell you a new phone?” 

Customer: “Do you honestly think I’m going to spend another $700 on another phone?!”

Me: “With the insurance, it only would’ve been $30.”

Customer: “Fine, let’s do that.”

Me: “I’m afraid you already declined the insurance and I just saw you break the phone yourself after the transaction was complete; there’s nothing I can do.”

(The woman screeched for a manager and tried to claim I’d broken her phone. The security cameras — which are from every possible angle — showed right away what had really happened. She threatened to call the police but nothing came of it. I have yet to see her return to the store.)

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Unfiltered Story #181229

, | Unfiltered | January 4, 2020

After ringing up a small order and telling the customer how much it is, she then proceeded to put some money on the counter. It was about $1.50 too little.)

Me: “Uhm… That is not enough.”
Customer: “Well, this is what I have, so this is what you get.”
Me: “You can’t do that!”

The Explanation Flu Over His Head

, , , , | Right | December 12, 2019

(As part of an awareness campaign, there are a few stands at a major public transit hub where people can get a quick, free medical check and advice on whether they are at risk for heart disease and so on. We are also handing out bottled water, hula hoops, and balls for kids to play with and take home while the adults are filling out questions, being measured, or talking with the nurses. All of us are wearing dark blue T-shirts with the company logo on them. Entirely unrelated, there are people handing out flyers about the swine flu vaccine. These people are wearing yellow T-shirts with another company’s logo on them. I am on my way to a break when an elderly man comes up to me, holding the pamphlet the other company is handing out.)

Elderly Man: “Okay, just give me the shot.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t give shots here. This is a medical check-up to see if you’re at risk for heart disease, diabetes, and so on.”

Elderly Man: “But you’re handing out these flyers, telling me I need to get a shot.”

Me: “Sir, those people are from a different company and, as you’ll read in the pamphlet, you have to make an appointment with your doctor and he’ll give you the vaccine.”

Elderly Man: “But you’re right here.”

Me: “Yes, but, again, we don’t have any shots here.”

Elderly Man: “But I need to get a shot!” *waving the flyer in my face*

Me: “I understand, sir, but you really need to call your doctor and make an appointment for that. We simply can’t help you here.”

Elderly Man: “You just want me to die!”

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