Double Negative

| Working | February 28, 2014

(At the beginning of the holiday season, the way to the store I need to go to is past a notoriously pushy string of kiosk hosts. I walked past these kiosk workers yesterday with my mother, and know that this particular kiosk worker is quite the ‘Casanova.’)

Kiosk Worker: “Would you like to try some of my product? It would be perfect for your mother’s Christmas gift! My mother loves this product!”

Me: *assuming he remembers me* “Sorry. No, thank you.”

Kiosk Worker: “You’ve broken my heart. You are the only woman to ever say no to me!”

Me: “Tis the season, because I said no yesterday, too!”

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You Say Potato, I Say Catholic

| Right | February 28, 2014

(My grandmother and I are serving food at an outdoor event. I have cooked mashed potatoes.)

Customer: “These potatoes are fantastic! I’ve had three servings.”

Me: “Well, thank you!”

Customer: “You must be from the First Baptist Church, because all of the best cooks are Baptist, you know.”

Me: “Actually, I’m not.”

Customer: “Oh, I guess you must be a Methodist then. Methodist women always did have a way with potatoes.”

Me: “No, I’m actually a Catholic.”

Customer: “Well, where the h*** did you come from?”

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Giving Her Two Cents On Customer Service

, | Right | November 14, 2013

(I work as a cashier at a concession stand during high school football games. A young girl and her father walk up to my register.)

Me: *to the father* “Just the cookies for you?”

(The father looks at his daughter and nods his head at her.)

Young Girl: “Yes, please, and I’m paying for them, too!”

Me: “Okay, that’s $1.25, please.”

(The young girl takes out her little change purse and counts out exactly $1.25, then pauses and pulls out two pennies.)

Young Girl: “That’s $1.25, and then a tip for you because you were so nice!”

(The young girl then turns to her father.)

Young Girl: “Mommy says you should tip people when they’re nice to you, and are good at their job.”

Me: “Thank you so much! Have a good night and enjoy your cookies!”

Young Girl: “You’re welcome! Thank YOU for being so nice and smiley!”

(The girl and her father came through my line again later on that evening and, once again, I earned another two-cent tip. We don’t normally take tips in that position, but it absolutely made my night!)

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An Extra Flirt Of Lemon

| Working | October 11, 2013

Boyfriend: “Hi, I would like two lemonades and a bag of kettle corn.”

Food Stand Attendant: “$17.50.”

(My boyfriend pays. While they are getting our lemonades ready, he runs to the restroom. I have been standing there holding the lemonades for a while at this point.)

Me: “Excuse me; can I please get my kettle corn?”

Food Stand Attendant: “That’ll be $6.”

Me: “Oh no, I am sorry; my boyfriend just paid for it. He’s in the restroom; we just never got it.”

Food Stand Attendant: “Whatever, that’ll be $6.”

Me: “But I just paid for it; you never gave it to me!”

Food Stand Attendant: “No you didn’t; you bought the lemonades. That was it.”

Me: “Two lemonades for $17.50?”

(At this point my boyfriend has returned, wondering what the hold up is. The food stand attendant gives him a flirty smile.)

Food Stand Attendant: “You forgot your kettle corn; so glad you came back!”

(As we are walking away, I realize she has written her phone number on the bag. That’s why she didn’t want to hand it to me.)

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Caught Red Quartz Handed

, | Right | August 20, 2013

(I run a precious gems and minerals booth at a trade show. A customer walks up to me and does some looking around first.)

Customer: “Do you buy things?”

Me: “Sometimes. Is it minerals?”

Customer: “Sorta, yeah.”

(The customer takes out a palm sized velvet pouch.)

Customer: “I have a friend that cuts rocks and does things to them. I had him make me a set of ruby quartz flat gems and paint them with gold leaf. They’re kinda rare, and I was hoping to get $90 for them.”

Me: “That depends…”

(I hold out my hand for the bag. Instead he opens it, and pours out a couple of red glass, aka ‘fused quartz’ flat facet gems with runes on them in gold color paint. One has a chip in corner.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but these are in the trade wholesale catalogs in five colors, come with a booklet, and retail for $20. Without the book and damaged, best I could hope to get is $5, so that means I won’t pay you that much.”

Customer: “How dare you! Bad karma ON YOU! My friend spent TWO WEEKS cutting and carving these!”

(I spot another vendor across from me, talking to security.)

Vendor Across From Me: “Yeah, that’s the guy!”

Customer: *Oh, s***!”

(The customer took off, leaving the bag. Security got him before he got out the door. If he had gone all the way around my booth, he would have seen that I have full sets, in all five colors for sale, with the booklet, for less than $20. Bad karma indeed.)

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