When They Can Walk And Chew Gum At The Same Time

| Boston, MA, USA | Learning | July 4, 2017

(My daughter will be entering kindergarten this fall. Her school hosts a playground “meet and greet” for all incoming kindergarteners, which happens to be the day before her birthday. She is chatting with another little girl.)

Girl: “I’m four. How old are you?”

Daughter: “I’m four and a half. But tomorrow I’ll be five!”

Girl: *with great exuberance* “When I’m five, I get to have GUM!”

Unfiltered Story #90380

, | Unfiltered | June 28, 2017

(I am a kindergarten teacher at a private school. The children are waiting for their parents to pick them up. It has been quite a difficult day.)
Mother: *furious* “EXCUSE ME! Why is my son telling me you did not give him some birthday cake?”

Me: “Actually—”

Mother: “I demand you give him some cake NOW, or I am calling the police for abuse!”

Me: “Actually, Mrs. [Name], your son did get a piece of cake, however he decided to throw it at one of the girls. Then, when [Son’s Friend] didn’t give him his piece, he kicked him in the crotch. We do not reward bullying or violence, Mrs. [Name], and your son was appropriately reprimanded. A letter will be sent to you with more details.”

Mother: *blushing* “HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME SON OF BULLYING! I DEMAND CAKE NOW OR I WILL HAVE YOUR A**E FIRED!”

Me: “You will not us that language in this building. I am going to have to ask you to leave. You and your son are no longer welcome here.”

(She continued screaming for another couple of minutes until another teacher came out with the aforementioned cake (inside a glass cover), to which she stormed up to it and tried to wrestle it off her. The cover was broken and both the mother and the teacher were injured. The mother then stormed out, smashing a window in the process. We’re all a bit rattled by it, but try to calm everything down when two police officers arrive. They say they had reports of a woman (me) wielding a knife, demanding that I “convert the children to the burka” (literal quote). We showed them the footage of the reception and had to go down the police station to give statements (the mother included, who was still outside being seen by a paramedic). The other teacher refused to press charges and we were all free to go. A week later the mother showed up again to drop off her son. I refused saying they were no longer welcome. She had another tantrum and broke the same window we had just replaced the day before, She then left screaming that she would take her money elsewhere (at this school, parents do not have to pay for Kindergarten if they are claiming Jobseeker’s Allowance, which she is). Her sister leaves her son with us occasionally, and I’ve heard that she has built such a reputation that she has to take him out of the county, and is going to be homeschooling. I’m considering allowing the child to attend with us again, even if just for a bit of stability, but I’m fearful of what he might do. It was a first time incident, but it was pretty serious.)

What A Swahill-billy

| Germany | Learning | May 24, 2017

(My mom is a German teacher, and runs an exchange program. This means she goes to Germany for almost a month every two years, and has taught me German from birth. I have just turned six, and she takes me with her on that trip. Having no childcare overseas, she talks to colleagues and gets me temporarily put in a German kindergarten rather than have me be bored in the high school classes she runs. My German skills are good, which is great because English isn’t yet taught to kids that young in Germany, but I’m socially awkward.)

Kindergarten Teacher: “So, class, we have a special visitor joining us for a few weeks, from America!” *to me* “Can you say something in another language, dear?”

(English isn’t another language, as I speak English and German with no problems. So I wrack my brain, and come up with something I had heard at an assembly before my US school let out.)

Me: *sings children’s song… in Swahili*

Kindergarten Teacher: “I meant… ‘hello’ or something! In English!”

Adopting Some Security Procedures

| PA, USA | Learning | May 22, 2017

(My niece is being registered for kindergarten. She’s just been adopted a few weeks before and her first and last name were changed. My sister is using her brand new birth certificate to register her.)

Teacher: “Okay, honey, we’re going to go look at the kindergarten room while mom fills out your forms, okay?”

Niece: “Sure.”

(Once they are out of sight of my sister:)

Teacher: “What’s your name?”

Niece: “Emily. It used to be Casey but now it’s Emily. My new mom changed it so my old mom won’t find me.”

Teacher: “Really? Why did you get a new mom?”

Niece: “Because my new mom wanted me so she took me!”

(At this point the teacher calls the police. My sister is sitting in the office, filling out the forms when they arrive.)

Police: “Who is here to register Casey?”

Sister: “Her name is Emily.” *explains whole situation*

Police: “Can you prove that?”

(My sister hands him the birth certificate but did not bring the adoption papers with her.)

Police: “I’m going to have to take you both to the station until you can provide the adoption papers.”

(At this point I wander in to drop off some papers. I’m just another parent. I greet my sister.)

Police: “Do you know this woman?”

Me: “Yes. That’s my sister.”

Police: “So you know Casey?”

Me: “Her name is Emily. She was just adopted and her name was changed.”

Police: “OH! Okay, that’s fine. Sorry about the bother. You can just go ahead and process her registration.”

(I think everyone in the office was stunned.)

Needed To Get A Better Reading On The Situation

| NY, USA | Learning | May 15, 2017

(I am in kindergarten, and my class has just started learning to read. However, due to a disorder I have, I miss the day my teacher hands out picture books for the class to read. When I come in the next day, she forgets to give me a book and instead just gives me the math from the other day. As such, whenever the class is supposed to be reading, I take out my binder and just daydream. This is five months after she forgot about me, during a reading period. She is walking around to check and advise the other kids on their reading. She comes over to me.)

Teacher: “[My Name]! Why aren’t you reading?!”

Me: “I don’t have a book?”

Teacher: “Yes, you do! I gave every child in this room a book! Where is your backpack! Bring it over to me!”

(I get my backpack and bring it to her. She spends a full 10 minutes looking through my backpack over and over for the non-existent book. She finally stops.)

Teacher: “You must have left it at home. For now, you can read this one, but you better have it back tomorrow!”

(Panicking, I spend the rest of the night searching the house for a book, and eventually stop and go to bed. The next day…)

Teacher: “Did you find the book, [My Name]?”

Me: “No, Mrs. [Teacher]. It wasn’t there!”

Teacher: “Are you kidding me? What’s your parents’ phone number!”

(I gave her my mom’s number, who was at work. The teacher ended up calling her, and my mom was not pleased to have been panicked because she thought I was in danger. The teacher was forced to admit that she had forgotten about me, and gave me a book to read. 20 years later, I’m not illiterate and can speed read. No thanks to my teacher, though.)