It’s Gonna Be One Of Those Years

, , , , | Learning | November 21, 2017

(I am on the phone with the local elementary school to find out what the cut off date is for kindergarten, so I can send my twins to school.)

Receptionist: “I am sorry, but [Twin B] can’t be enrolled until next year; his birthday is after the cut off. [Twin A] is able to start though.”

Me: “How is that possible?”

Receptionist: “Because January comes after December.”

Me: “Not in the same year. December 2006 comes after January 2006. Besides, if [Twin A] is old enough, then [Twin B] has to be old enough because they are twins and share the same birthday.”

Receptionist: “I don’t know what to tell you. [Twin B] can be enrolled next year because January comes after December.”

(This goes back and forth for about 15-20 min.)

Me: “Look, this is how a calendar works. January 2006, February 2006… November 2006, December 2006, January 2007. My kids were both born in 2006.”

Receptionist: *quiet as if thinking about this* “Oh, they are TWINS! Why didn’t you say so?!”

Me: “Seriously?”

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A Series Of Unfortunate Choices

, , , | Learning | August 12, 2017

(In kindergarten I was somewhat of an advanced reader, so my teachers occasionally had a hard time finding books for me to read. At one point, I had been given “A Series of Unfortunate Events”, which is somewhat of a disturbing book for a five-year-old. When I came home in tears after beginning to read it, my mom had to have a talk with the teacher who recommended it. This is what happens.)

Mom: “Why did you recommend this book to my son? He read it and started crying!”

Teacher: “Really? How come?”

Mom: “What do you mean how come? The main characters are imprisoned with an evil uncle who basically tortures them!”

Teacher: “Oh, I didn’t know that.”

Mom: “What? How could you not know?”

Teacher: “I didn’t read it first, if that’s what you mean. I had no idea.”

Mom: “Why didn’t you read it? What if it had something rude in it?”

Teacher: “Oh, I figured the plot didn’t matter as long as it was his reading level.”

Mom: “WHAT? How could the plot not matter!? You never should have given him that book!”

Teacher: “But it was his reading level…”

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Got A Special Middle Finger Just For You

| Learning | July 12, 2017

(I am in kindergarten and my mother has come in to discuss why my writing skills were marked “needs improvement” on my report card.)

Mom: “I’m really curious about why you gave [My Name] such a low mark. As far as I can tell his spelling is great and he prints very clearly.”

Teacher: “I know, in those regards he is definitely above average but I’m afraid he doesn’t know how to hold a pencil.”

Mother: *confused* “What are you talking about? He obviously knows how to hold a pencil, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to write.”

Teacher: “He holds it with his thumb and middle finger instead of his second finger.”

(While this is an unusual way to hold a pencil, it should be noted that my father does the same thing. My mom was absolutely fuming from learning this was why my writing grade was so low. After hearing this, she called my father and told him to come to the school immediately. When he arrived, she explained the situation to him and made my teacher watch him write a sentence on a piece of paper. That seemed to clear things up as my report card got edited to show “excellent” for writing skills.)

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When They Can Walk And Chew Gum At The Same Time

| Learning | July 4, 2017

(My daughter will be entering kindergarten this fall. Her school hosts a playground “meet and greet” for all incoming kindergarteners, which happens to be the day before her birthday. She is chatting with another little girl.)

Girl: “I’m four. How old are you?”

Daughter: “I’m four and a half. But tomorrow I’ll be five!”

Girl: *with great exuberance* “When I’m five, I get to have GUM!”

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Unfiltered Story #90380

, | Unfiltered | June 28, 2017

(I am a kindergarten teacher at a private school. The children are waiting for their parents to pick them up. It has been quite a difficult day.)
Mother: *furious* “EXCUSE ME! Why is my son telling me you did not give him some birthday cake?”

Me: “Actually—”

Mother: “I demand you give him some cake NOW, or I am calling the police for abuse!”

Me: “Actually, Mrs. [Name], your son did get a piece of cake, however he decided to throw it at one of the girls. Then, when [Son’s Friend] didn’t give him his piece, he kicked him in the crotch. We do not reward bullying or violence, Mrs. [Name], and your son was appropriately reprimanded. A letter will be sent to you with more details.”

Mother: *blushing* “HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME SON OF BULLYING! I DEMAND CAKE NOW OR I WILL HAVE YOUR A**E FIRED!”

Me: “You will not us that language in this building. I am going to have to ask you to leave. You and your son are no longer welcome here.”

(She continued screaming for another couple of minutes until another teacher came out with the aforementioned cake (inside a glass cover), to which she stormed up to it and tried to wrestle it off her. The cover was broken and both the mother and the teacher were injured. The mother then stormed out, smashing a window in the process. We’re all a bit rattled by it, but try to calm everything down when two police officers arrive. They say they had reports of a woman (me) wielding a knife, demanding that I “convert the children to the burka” (literal quote). We showed them the footage of the reception and had to go down the police station to give statements (the mother included, who was still outside being seen by a paramedic). The other teacher refused to press charges and we were all free to go. A week later the mother showed up again to drop off her son. I refused saying they were no longer welcome. She had another tantrum and broke the same window we had just replaced the day before, She then left screaming that she would take her money elsewhere (at this school, parents do not have to pay for Kindergarten if they are claiming Jobseeker’s Allowance, which she is). Her sister leaves her son with us occasionally, and I’ve heard that she has built such a reputation that she has to take him out of the county, and is going to be homeschooling. I’m considering allowing the child to attend with us again, even if just for a bit of stability, but I’m fearful of what he might do. It was a first time incident, but it was pretty serious.)

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