(I’m picking up my daughter from nursery, and overhear a conversation with one of the other parents and a member of staff.)
Parent: “Tell her what mommy is going to do tonight.”
Two-Year-Old: “Mummy is going to the bar and getting pissed!”
Staff: “Err…”
Parent: “Isn’t it funny?!”
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(We are on the playground. I am the teacher and a child comes running up to me crying.)
Child: “Miss [name]! I fell down on the side and hurt my elbow and it REALLY hurts!”
Me: “It looks like you’re going to be fine, sweetie. I think you just hit your funny bone.”
Child: “It’s not funny!”
(I am four years old. I am taking an IQ test to see if I can start kindergarten a year early. My dad is watching the test from behind a one-way mirror.)
Tester: “What’s a liquid that comes in a bottle?”
Me: “Beer!”
Tester: “…Okay. Why don’t you tell me another one?”
Me: “Wine!”
Dad: “Is this where child protective services show up?”
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(I am a kindergarten teacher, and I’m meeting a student for the first time.)
Me: “What is your favorite color?”
5 year-old: “Stool.”
Me: “Let’s try that again…”
(I work in biotechnology, specialising in IVF (assisted reproduction). On my daughter’s first day in kindergarten, I receive a call from the principal. She had introduced herself to the class in an interesting fashion.)
Daughter: “Hi, I’m [Daughter], and my daddy gets women pregnant.”
Related:
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 5
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 4
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
From The Mouth Of Babes
This story is part of our Kindergarten roundup!
Read the next Kindergarten roundup story!
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