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Little Miss Fancy Pants

| Learning | January 2, 2015

(I am a very advanced child and have a large vocabulary at a very young age. This happens shortly after starting kindergarten, with the teacher fresh out of college.)

Me: *audibly farts* “Excuse me, I just flatulated.”

Teacher: *calls dad* “Sir, your daughter just informed me that she ‘flatulated.'”

Dad: “Did she say ‘excuse me’?”

Teacher: “Well, yes, but—”

Dad: “Then what’s the problem?”

Teacher: “Your FIVE YEAR OLD just told me that she ‘FLATULATED!'”

(After coming home from school.)

Dad: “Honey, I’m proud of you!”


This story is part of our Kindergarten roundup!

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A Recession In Behavior

| Learning | October 20, 2014

(I work at a small K-12 private school. I teach high school Spanish, but the only classroom available when I was hired is on the kindergarten hall. During my planning period I hear a particularly bad tantrum occurring outside my door. I poke my head out of my classroom to see a class of four year olds going out to recess.)

Kindergartener: “Mrs! Mrs!” *points to classroom* “There’s two boys crying in there!”

Me: “Oh, no! That’s not good. ”

Kindergartener: “Yes, Mrs. And misbehaving!”

Me: “You don’t misbehave, do you?”

Kindergartener: “No, Mrs. I get to have all MY recess.”

It’s Going To Be One Of Those Years

| Learning | August 17, 2014

(I’m five years old, and I have just started kindergarten. My teacher is asking us when our birthdays are. My sister and I are a year apart with birthdays only a week apart, so our celebrations are usually combined and not always on a consistent date. From that, we get this:)

Teacher: “[My Name], when is your birthday?”

Me: “Well, this year it was on my birthday but this year I don’t know.”

Teacher: “…”

Must Have Learned It From His Dear Papa

| Learning | December 17, 2013

(My brother’s kindergarten class is learning about lumberjacks.)

My Brother: “I know a good song about lumberjacks!”

Teacher: “Okay. Would you like to sing it?”

My Brother:I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay—

Teacher: *blushing furiously* “Not that one!”

(That warranted a very interesting parent-teacher conference!)


This story is part of our Parent-Teacher-Conference Roundup!

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Read the Parent-Teacher-Conference Roundup!

All Wound Up About The Clock

| Learning | November 15, 2013

(When my parents taught me to read a clock growing up, I had issues with 12-hour time. Since my dad worked in an industrial plant which operated on 24-hour time, they tried that and I found that naturally easier. It is my first day of Kindergarten; the teacher is setting expectations with all us kids.)

Teacher: “So you will be coming here Monday to Friday at 12 noon, and then your parents will come pick you up at 3 o’clock.”

(I start bawling.)

Teacher: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “I can’t stay until 3 o’clock!”

Teacher: “Why not?”

Me: “Bed-time is 20 o’clock!”