Customer: “This electronic key does not work in my car.”

Me: “Does it turn in the ignition?”

Customer: “Yes, but it will not start.”

(I put the original and copy key in my magic decoder box and they check out fine.)

Me: “Well, let me have a look… Where is your car?”

Customer: “At home.”

Me: “Well, you have to drive it here.”

Customer: “But the key does not work.”

Me: “Use your original key.”

Customer: “That does not work either.”

Me: “Okay, let me explain how this works. I make a copy of your key. If your key does not work, then the new key will not work either.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Let me put it like this. If you copy a paper with misspelled words the copier will not correct the spelling, because it’s a copy! What happens when you try the key?”

Customer: “The dash says ‘Code not found.'”

Me: “Well, then the problem is the car, not the key. It is not reading the code on the key.”

Customer: “So make me another.”

Me: “The problem is the car. Are you going to pay when the next one does not work?”

Customer: “No, I’m not going to pay for a key that does not work!”

Me: “So you want me to keep making keys for you until one works or I run out of them. But you will not pay for any of the keys that do not work even though the problem is your car, not the key.”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “Sorry, I’m just not that stupid.”

This story is part of the Auto-Shop roundup!

Read the next Auto-Shop roundup story!

Read the Auto-Shop roundup!

(After being in the same little hut for 25 years we moved the key shop to a larger, inline store 120 feet away. After moving EVERYTHING except the counters to the new location I am in the old shop getting ready to lock it up until it is torn down.)

(A customer walks in and drops two keys on the counter.)

Customer: “Make me two of each.”

Me: “I am sorry, this location is closed… You have to go to the new key shop over there.”

Customer: “I’m not walking over there. I always get my keys here. Make me two of them.”

Me: “How?”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘How’?”

Me: “Well, there are no keys blanks on the wall, there are no key machines on the counter, there is no cash register. In fact, there are no light fixtures in the building, the air conditioner is gone, the signs are gone from the roof and the electricity is turned off. This is building is totally empty except for you and me. So how do you expect me to make you four keys?”

Customer: “Ah, where did you say I have to go?”

(It is the early 1970s. I make a key for a guy who lost his car keys in the mall parking lot.)

Me: “Well, that will be $10.00 for the key and labor, but another key will be only 79 cents.”

Customer: “Ah, no, man, I need my money to get my weed.”

(A week later, same deal. I have to go out in the rain and make the same guy another key.)

Me: “Well, I’m sure that now you will get an extra key?”

Customer: “Ah, no, man, I need my money to get my weed.”

(I could spot a trend, so I made another key anyway and hung it up in the shop. Over the next six months he was back a dozen times. Each time I just copied the key hanging in the shop and charged him for the lock-work and the key. He never bought a second key. I guess the weed finally got him.)